http://badassbutler.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] badassbutler.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] fandomhigh2006-07-12 11:16 am
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Cafe Fina, Monday Morning, Stealth and Deception Workshop #1

Alfred had sent out a handwaved e-mail that informed his students that their first class would be held in a private room at Cafe Fina.

When they arrived at the Cafe, they were led by Wadsworth to a back room where a long table with a delicious Cafe Fina breakfast spread lay. They were then informed that, due to unforeseen circumstances, Alfred would be a bit late this class.


Time goes by, and Alfred still does not show up. Fifteen minutes pass and the students, while enjoying their breakfasts, are possibly starting to wonder where the hell their teacher is.

Eventually, in one of the sudden silences that comes during meals, the students hear the scratching of a pen on paper.

Alfred stands up from his seat at the head of the table and flips closed his notebook. "For the curious, I've been here for quite some time now." He places the notebook down on the table, takes a sip of tea, and begins his lecture.



"Welcome to Stealth and Deception. Many of you already know me from coming to my restaurant, but for those that do not, my name is Alfred Pennyworth. In my younger and wilder days, I worked as an agent for British Intelligence before retiring to take up a position as family butler for the Wayne family of Gotham. Currenly, I'm on sabbatical and run a restaurant here in Fandom.


"Now, stealth and deception. As weapons, there are few in your armory more powerful than these simple tools. Sun Tzu himself could not state enough times the importance of knowing more about your enemy than he knew about you. With the proper application of stealth, you can win a thousand battles without ever having to resort to violence. Indeed, should you have to fire a shot or throw a punch or even dice someone to pieces with monofilament wires while using the techniques I intend to teach you, I'm afraid to say that you have failed."

"Unless, of course, your mission is an assassination," he added, giving Walter the slightest of nods.

"Now, many of you may be wondering how it was I escaped your notice for so long while you ate your breakfasts. The answer to this is the most basic tenants of stealth, and is the main lesson for today.

"The reason I escaped your notice today was that I had the proper mindset. Yes, mindset. By adopting a position of not wishing to be seen, by almost willing myself to become unimportant, unnoticeable; my body naturally follows suit, relaxing the muscles and becoming easier for the eye to pass over, easier for the brain to ignore." He smiled. "Generally this technique only works on people who aren't actively looking and who are in a generally relaxed state. Such as a bunch of students eating breakfast."

"Despite this, this mindset, along with one other, is essential to stealth. The other, is a state of paranoia. A belief that, at all times, someone is actively looking for you and you must take steps to insure that that person doesn't find you."



He smiled and refilled his cup of tea. "Well, that's enough of me lecturing you, which, if I remember my school days correctly, is always fairly boring. Why don't you all introduce yourselves. Tell us your names, a little about yourselves, and why you joined this class. Then, I want you to practice deception. Get up in pairs or groups of threes and play two truths and a lie. Tell your partner three statements, two of which are true, one of which is a lie. Your partner must guess which is the lie or face a penalty of your choosing."

He gave them a very serious glare. "And please, keep the penalties to the mildly uncomfortable or mildly embarrassing. I would not enjoy having to rescue you from angering one of the local monsters."

[[Wait for the OCD! OCD up!]]

Re: Truth and Lies

[identity profile] anextimeagent.livejournal.com 2006-07-12 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)
"I met your Nadia Monday, who told me you were from World War Two, and seeing as our illustrious teacher singled you out when he mentioned assassination, he probably has other things on his mind than shiny shoes." Jack laughed. "And this is Fandom - weird is normal here - a walking coffin sounds perfectly plausible."

Re: Truth and Lies

[identity profile] walter-n-wires.livejournal.com 2006-07-12 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Well done, and hardly cheating," Walter acknowledged. "The Fandom factor does trump all. I am ready for yours."

Re: Truth and Lies

[identity profile] anextimeagent.livejournal.com 2006-07-12 05:38 pm (UTC)(link)
"Okay." Jack's brow furrowed while he thought. "I've never seen an elephant, I've been in love, and I was once naked and covered in genetically engineered ferrets."

Re: Truth and Lies

[identity profile] walter-n-wires.livejournal.com 2006-07-12 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Walter blinked slowly while he considered Jack's statements.

"I do not know that I could even begin to define love, so I will table that one. Given that you said you were originally from the 51st century, the ferrets are more plausible than the elephant. You have never seen an elephant?"

Re: Truth and Lies

[identity profile] anextimeagent.livejournal.com 2006-07-12 05:53 pm (UTC)(link)
"I've never seen an elephant," Jack confirmed. "I don't even know what an elephant is, apart from some kind of animal." Grinning, he added, "I was also once naked and covered in ferrets, but that's probably a story you don't want to hear."

Re: Truth and Lies

[identity profile] walter-n-wires.livejournal.com 2006-07-12 05:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Walter shook his head. "I would be quite interested in hearing your story. However, this hardly seems like the venue, so I shall save it for another occasion and ask you then."

Re: Truth and Lies

[identity profile] anextimeagent.livejournal.com 2006-07-12 06:07 pm (UTC)(link)
"Anytime, Walter." Jack sipped his tea, watching Walter over the edge of his cup. "I'd be interested in hearing the walking coffin story sometime, if you felt like sharing it."

Re: Truth and Lies

[identity profile] walter-n-wires.livejournal.com 2006-07-12 06:30 pm (UTC)(link)
"It sounds as though both our stories will be best accompanied by alcohol," Walter said after a moment's thought. "Should I see you at Caritas sometime, we can swap improbable stories."

Re: Truth and Lies

[identity profile] anextimeagent.livejournal.com 2006-07-12 07:07 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'll buy you a drink, and we can trade tales," Jack said with a grin. "Sounds like the start of a fun night."