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fandomhigh2006-07-05 07:01 am
bluth-illusions.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2006-07-05 07:01 am
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How to Be an Entertainer Workshop #7, Caritas, 07.05.06, Afternoon
GOB looked miserable when the students walked in. If somebody were to guess that he was hung over, they wouldn't be wrong. And if somebody were to guess that the puppet patting him on the back was being poorly controlled by GOB, they wouldn't be wrong about that either.
"Listen up, bitches," the puppet said. It was a coincidence that GOB's lips were moving and that the puppet's voice sounded like GOB's only raised an octave and angrier. "My name is Franklin and I'm your sub. It seems Mr. Dumbass over here had too much to drink last night. Can't hold your booze anymore, buddy?"
"Look," GOB told the puppet, "that was a lot of shots, then there were explosions in the sky. I'd like to see you deal with that."
"And I'd like to deal with your mom!" Franklin said.
"That's uncalled for," GOB protested.
Franklin turned back to the students. "This week you're doing ventriloquism. There are a bunch of puppets on the stage. Take one, stick your hand up its ass, and make it talk. Nadia, stay away from any ethnic stuff or I'm calling in my crew for a beat-down."
GOB spoke up again. "And don't forget about the talent show on Friday. Have something prepared."
"Listen up, bitches," the puppet said. It was a coincidence that GOB's lips were moving and that the puppet's voice sounded like GOB's only raised an octave and angrier. "My name is Franklin and I'm your sub. It seems Mr. Dumbass over here had too much to drink last night. Can't hold your booze anymore, buddy?"
"Look," GOB told the puppet, "that was a lot of shots, then there were explosions in the sky. I'd like to see you deal with that."
"And I'd like to deal with your mom!" Franklin said.
"That's uncalled for," GOB protested.
Franklin turned back to the students. "This week you're doing ventriloquism. There are a bunch of puppets on the stage. Take one, stick your hand up its ass, and make it talk. Nadia, stay away from any ethnic stuff or I'm calling in my crew for a beat-down."
GOB spoke up again. "And don't forget about the talent show on Friday. Have something prepared."
The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]
"Oh, I'm doing swell," Lamb Chop replied, then tried to smack Kawalsky upside the head. "I'm a freaking puppet, you moron. I have a hand up my ass. It might be a different hand to the last 25 years, but a hand up your ass is a hand up your ass. It chafes."
"So you're not into the puppet gig?"
"I'm a puppet. You can't change that. It might suck, but that's show business. It has to be better than being a meatbag like you fellas."
"You're not as nice as I thought you'd be."
"Get used to it, bub."
The puppet then started singing 'This is the song that doesn't end'. It may have been slightly possessed. Just a little.
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]
"Leave me alone, sucka!" said the puppet in a voice that sounded a lot like a bad impression of Mr. T.
"Why so angry Mr. Pointy Britches?" asked Peter. Mr. Pointy Britches scowled. "In 1972 my commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime we didn't commit. But we promptly escaped from a maximun security stockade to the Los Angeles underground."
"Wow! Sounds like an exciting story. But what do you do now that you can't re-join society?" asked Peter, using more big words than he has ever used before in his life.
"When I don't have your hand up my ass we survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem- if no one else can help- and you can find us- then maybe you can hire...THE A-TEAM!"
"Ba da baaaaaaaa! Ba da baaaaaaaa!" said Peter. He was then clocked in the eye by Mr. Pointy Britches big pointy teeth. "OWWWWWWWWWWW!"
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]
"Whaz wrong which you?" Jamie drunkenly demanded of the puppet. "Why won'ts you talkie-talk?"
The puppet remains silent.
"You ussssed to be sooooo funny," Jamie lamented. "Now you're just something that sits on my hand and does nothing."
The puppet still remains silent.
"Waasss it sssomething I sssaid?" Jamie slurred. "Because quite honestly I had a little to drink lasst night."
Puppet? Still silent.
"C'mon! Let's sing," Jamie said trying to encourage the puppet. "Turn around..."
The puppet refuses to sing.
"C'mon! Turn around..."
That puppet is a stubborn cuss.
"You suck!" Jamie screamed at the sock puppet. "You suckity-suck-suck with a side of suck!"
Apparently the puppet has a thick skin because it doesn't respond.
"You were nothing when I found you!" Jamie screamed "You were just a left over sock from the dryer and a few buttons! I MADE YOU A FREAKIN' STAR! THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME?!!!"
The sock-puppet says nothing.
"I didn't means it shocky!" Jamie said tearfully. "Please! Say somethings!"
The sock-puppet ignores Jamie's request.
"I gues thish is it then," Jamie said taking the sock of his hand and giving it one final hug. "Goodbye Shocky. Good luck."
Jamie drops the sock puppet on the stage and then walks off stage, promptly passing out in the music pit with the zombies.
Re: The Stage [WS7]
"Shut up, bitch," Franklin told GOB.
Re: The Stage [WS7]
The bear shook its head. "Not this old joke again."
"Hey, I love this joke!"
"It's the oldest one in the book, sister, and it isn't funny."
"This isn't that version. And it is funny."
The bear sighed. "Fine. Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To escape a political coop!" Nadia's laugh was a touch manic. The bear faced her blankly.
"I don't get it."
"Coop. Coup. It's funny."
"It really isn't."
"I hate you, Beartold."
The bear gave her a hug.
Re: The Stage [WS7]
"I thought you were my friend, Franklin!" GOB pleaded.
"Fine. No mauling the whiner. Yet."
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]
"Everyone, I'd like you to mee Cowboy Herbert," he says, gesturing to the puppet.
"Herbert's a stupid name," Herbert says in a very, very thick Southern drawl. "I sound like an ice cream flavor."
"No, that's sherbert."
"Obviously what you've been eating, fattie."
Herbert laughs while John says, "Not nice! Be good, Herbert and tell everyone about your cowboy adventures."
Herbert says, "Crap to that. Cowboys are for John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. My true calling is to be a pimp."
"That's not your job," John says, messing up and keeping the Southern drawl he'd been giving Herbert. "Your a cowboy."
"And you're a pansy. Where all my ho's at?"
John ends up just punting Herbert off the stage.
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]
"Hi. This is Jimmy McDuckington, and yeah, it's kind of a lame name, but I didn't name him, so talk to his poor duckie parents."
"My parents aren't poor," Jimmy said in what sounded an awful lot like Greg's voice in falsetto.
"Oh, but are they hungover?"
"Not still - some people brought booze to the park for some reason, and ice. I'm sure these people only had the best intentions in mind, considering that my parents are heartbroken."
"Why's that?" asked Greg, ever so concerned.
"They got played by a duck-loving woman who was only out to...admire their down," Jimmy said delicately. "They gave her their hearts, their souls, and she stomped upon them."
"That's very sad."
"It's okay. At least they don't have some idiot with electrocuted-looking hair with his hands up their asses."
Greg frowned sternly at Jimmy. "Language."
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]
"He should be my dinner!" Franklin declared.
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Jett the puppet wagged his head. "I'm going to kill you all."
"Hey, that's not a nice way to treat the audience."
"I am an assassin in training, you dumbie! I'm not supposed to be nice."
"Well, you certainly got the ass part right," Joxer said.
"That's no way to talk about your brother!" Jett said.
"Ohhhhh yeah?" Joxer punched Jett-puppet in the head. Forgetting this meant he was hitting himself in the hand, so he whimpered and clutched his puppeted hand under his arm. "Ow, oh ow. Ow."
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]
Re: The Stage [WS7]