http://wyld-stallyn.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
wyld-stallyn.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2006-06-27 11:08 pm
wyld-stallyn.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2006-06-27 11:08 pm
Entry tags:
Campfire Stories & Songs #6, 06/27/06, Main Campfire, Evening
"Greetings my most excellent students," Ted greeted them all with a huge grin. "This week I hope you'll all enjoy story time with your complimentary pudding cups!" He handed them out to everyone and then took his seat around the fire. No one knew how Ted managed to start a fire every week without starting a forest fire. "So! Today I've got a story about the bodacious blonde babe Snow Vhite and the Seven Dwarves. Not to be confused with her similar but brunette cousin Snow White."
"Snow Vhite, we'll call her V, was the prettiest babe in all of the city and her stepmom Queen Cal- uh, we'll call her Queen C - was totally jealous." Ted continued to speak, but his post trailed off into a narrative form for a change of pace.
***************************
Queen C stopped trying to shoot flaming arrows out of the castle tower window at V and stalked over to the mirror. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
A face that looked rather like Logan Echolls appeared in the mirror. "As much as I'd love to say you, sugar lips, daughter dearest takes the pudding cup." Queen C's anger started to flare and she raised a vase to throw at the mirror, but Logan stopped her short. "Might I remind you that smashing me will do no good and you'll be without my charming wit. But I have a plan."
Queen C dropped the vase and let it crash on the ground. "I'm listening."
***
"Are you sure we're going the right way?" V asked Huntswoman Ivanova as the two walked through very thick forest.
"I'm sure," Ivanova replied.
"If we need directions, just let me use my Blackberry. I've got GPS loaded and ready to go."
"No," Ivanova assured her. "Repeat after me: Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is god."
"O...kay?"
Ivanova sighed. "I can't do this." She turned to V. "The Queen sent me out here to kill you."
"Kill me? Why?"
"Because she's jealous of you." Ivanova muttered and shook her head. "One leggy blonde is jealous of the other. What's this world coming to?" She looked at V. "If you go back, she'll kill you herself."
"So I have to stay here in the forest forever?"
"Yes. Or die." That was Russian bluntness for you.
So Huntswoman Ivanova returned to the city and V was stuck in the forest. She wandered for a while, trying to get a signal on her Blackberry, but typically she had no luck. She was so absorbed in getting the signal that she didn't even realize that there was a weetiny house in front of her until she was right up close.
"A house in the middle of the woods that seems to be made for people too short to be humans," V observed. "Well that's a cliche." Nevertheless, she took a look around, noted the names on the bedheads and ended up falling asleep.
When next she woke, there were seven dwarves wondering what the hell the blonde chick was doing in their bed and whether they should call 911 to report that they'd found Goldilocks. V was startled by their presence and pressed herself against the wall. "I have a taser and I'm not afraid to use it."
The dwarf with a little braid on the side of his head huffed.
The perky blonde dwarf smiled at V. "Don't worry, we're not going to hurt you. You're not Goldilocks, are you? But if you are, can I interview you?"
"No, I'm Snow Vhite. But you can call me V."
"Oh, okay then. Well, I'm Doc."
V looked at the names on the bedheads again. "Doc. Wait, I think I can guess the rest." The dwarf that looked like Piper sneezed. "You're Sneezy."
"No kidding," she replied and sneezed again.
"That must be Sleepy," V said, pointing to the blonde dwarf asleep on the floor, mumbling in her sleep with a British accent. You're Bashful," she said to the shy lawyer-like dwarf. The braided dwarf huffed again. "You're Grumpy."
"I am not," Grumpy replied sullenly.
Then V looked at the last two dwarves. She couldn't decide which was which. Neither of them looked particularly happy, but one of them *was* Happy. Then she looked at the other name, then back at the two dwarves and made her decision. "You're Happy."
"Yes," the dwarf with the Hawaiian shirt said. "Happy is what I am. Never been happier. This? This is my happy face."
"That," V said, turning to the last dwarf. "Must make you Doofy."
"How did you figure that out?"
V shrugged. "The hair."
And so in a rapid succession of events that only happened in fairy tales and on Dekaranger, they all became the best of friends and invited Snow Vhite to live with them. While the dwarves went off to work in the mines, Snow Vhite kept herself busy cleaning the house.
***
"Mirror mirror..." Queen C started.
"Don't waste your breath," Mirror Logan replied. "She's still alive and she's still hotter than you." Naturally, Queen C was annoyed and lifted the replacement vase, ready to hurl it at the mirror. "But I have a plan."
Queen C let the vase drop.
"I'm listening."
***
When the dwarves returned home one night, they found V dead on the floor. They did their best to revive her, but Doc wasn't a real doctor and there was nothing they could do. After sobbing their weetiny hearts out, Doc resolved to check the footage from the security cameras and find out what happened.
They watched the replay as Queen C, disguised as a hag, offered to sell V a twinkie. V wasn't sure at first, but when Queen C threw in a copy of the latest Teen Detective magazine, V simply couldn't resist. But as the hag disappeared and V ate the twinkie, she froze up, gagged and collapsed to the floor, unconscious.
The dwarves mourned and placed V's body in a special glass coffin that was really just the fairy tale version of cryogenic stasis. Every week they brought her flowers and sobbed when they visited her. Doc tried her best to bring Queen C to justice. Sleepy curled up next to the coffin for a nap for hours on end. Grumpy covered the coffin with glitter. Sneezy baked muffins in hope that it would wake V up. Bashful played country music for her every week.
Doofy had started out singing Barry Manilow to her every week, but when the glass started to crack the others begged him to stop.
********************
"Then one day," Ted continued the story. "A most mysterious figure approached the glass coffin. The dwarves geared up to fight off any wrong-doers and were ready to totally kick some bad guy ass. But it turned out that it was Bitterwoman and she'd come to save the day! She brought Snow Vhite back to life, tossed Queen C into a mental asylum and lectured the mirror until he stopped being a jackass. Then all of the dwarves and V moved into the castle and had a most triumphant party! THE END."
[OOC: I felt like writing the story in narrative form this time, but please assume that it was told in usual Ted-like fashion with weird details and not so much dialogue.]
"Snow Vhite, we'll call her V, was the prettiest babe in all of the city and her stepmom Queen Cal- uh, we'll call her Queen C - was totally jealous." Ted continued to speak, but his post trailed off into a narrative form for a change of pace.
***************************
Queen C stopped trying to shoot flaming arrows out of the castle tower window at V and stalked over to the mirror. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
A face that looked rather like Logan Echolls appeared in the mirror. "As much as I'd love to say you, sugar lips, daughter dearest takes the pudding cup." Queen C's anger started to flare and she raised a vase to throw at the mirror, but Logan stopped her short. "Might I remind you that smashing me will do no good and you'll be without my charming wit. But I have a plan."
Queen C dropped the vase and let it crash on the ground. "I'm listening."
***
"Are you sure we're going the right way?" V asked Huntswoman Ivanova as the two walked through very thick forest.
"I'm sure," Ivanova replied.
"If we need directions, just let me use my Blackberry. I've got GPS loaded and ready to go."
"No," Ivanova assured her. "Repeat after me: Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is god."
"O...kay?"
Ivanova sighed. "I can't do this." She turned to V. "The Queen sent me out here to kill you."
"Kill me? Why?"
"Because she's jealous of you." Ivanova muttered and shook her head. "One leggy blonde is jealous of the other. What's this world coming to?" She looked at V. "If you go back, she'll kill you herself."
"So I have to stay here in the forest forever?"
"Yes. Or die." That was Russian bluntness for you.
So Huntswoman Ivanova returned to the city and V was stuck in the forest. She wandered for a while, trying to get a signal on her Blackberry, but typically she had no luck. She was so absorbed in getting the signal that she didn't even realize that there was a weetiny house in front of her until she was right up close.
"A house in the middle of the woods that seems to be made for people too short to be humans," V observed. "Well that's a cliche." Nevertheless, she took a look around, noted the names on the bedheads and ended up falling asleep.
When next she woke, there were seven dwarves wondering what the hell the blonde chick was doing in their bed and whether they should call 911 to report that they'd found Goldilocks. V was startled by their presence and pressed herself against the wall. "I have a taser and I'm not afraid to use it."
The dwarf with a little braid on the side of his head huffed.
The perky blonde dwarf smiled at V. "Don't worry, we're not going to hurt you. You're not Goldilocks, are you? But if you are, can I interview you?"
"No, I'm Snow Vhite. But you can call me V."
"Oh, okay then. Well, I'm Doc."
V looked at the names on the bedheads again. "Doc. Wait, I think I can guess the rest." The dwarf that looked like Piper sneezed. "You're Sneezy."
"No kidding," she replied and sneezed again.
"That must be Sleepy," V said, pointing to the blonde dwarf asleep on the floor, mumbling in her sleep with a British accent. You're Bashful," she said to the shy lawyer-like dwarf. The braided dwarf huffed again. "You're Grumpy."
"I am not," Grumpy replied sullenly.
Then V looked at the last two dwarves. She couldn't decide which was which. Neither of them looked particularly happy, but one of them *was* Happy. Then she looked at the other name, then back at the two dwarves and made her decision. "You're Happy."
"Yes," the dwarf with the Hawaiian shirt said. "Happy is what I am. Never been happier. This? This is my happy face."
"That," V said, turning to the last dwarf. "Must make you Doofy."
"How did you figure that out?"
V shrugged. "The hair."
And so in a rapid succession of events that only happened in fairy tales and on Dekaranger, they all became the best of friends and invited Snow Vhite to live with them. While the dwarves went off to work in the mines, Snow Vhite kept herself busy cleaning the house.
***
"Mirror mirror..." Queen C started.
"Don't waste your breath," Mirror Logan replied. "She's still alive and she's still hotter than you." Naturally, Queen C was annoyed and lifted the replacement vase, ready to hurl it at the mirror. "But I have a plan."
Queen C let the vase drop.
"I'm listening."
***
When the dwarves returned home one night, they found V dead on the floor. They did their best to revive her, but Doc wasn't a real doctor and there was nothing they could do. After sobbing their weetiny hearts out, Doc resolved to check the footage from the security cameras and find out what happened.
They watched the replay as Queen C, disguised as a hag, offered to sell V a twinkie. V wasn't sure at first, but when Queen C threw in a copy of the latest Teen Detective magazine, V simply couldn't resist. But as the hag disappeared and V ate the twinkie, she froze up, gagged and collapsed to the floor, unconscious.
The dwarves mourned and placed V's body in a special glass coffin that was really just the fairy tale version of cryogenic stasis. Every week they brought her flowers and sobbed when they visited her. Doc tried her best to bring Queen C to justice. Sleepy curled up next to the coffin for a nap for hours on end. Grumpy covered the coffin with glitter. Sneezy baked muffins in hope that it would wake V up. Bashful played country music for her every week.
Doofy had started out singing Barry Manilow to her every week, but when the glass started to crack the others begged him to stop.
********************
"Then one day," Ted continued the story. "A most mysterious figure approached the glass coffin. The dwarves geared up to fight off any wrong-doers and were ready to totally kick some bad guy ass. But it turned out that it was Bitterwoman and she'd come to save the day! She brought Snow Vhite back to life, tossed Queen C into a mental asylum and lectured the mirror until he stopped being a jackass. Then all of the dwarves and V moved into the castle and had a most triumphant party! THE END."
[OOC: I felt like writing the story in narrative form this time, but please assume that it was told in usual Ted-like fashion with weird details and not so much dialogue.]
Re: Finale Song
Re: Finale Song
Re: Finale Song
Re: Finale Song