John Constantine (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
talentforlying) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2026-06-04 03:57 pm
talentforlying) wrote in fandomhigh2026-06-04 03:57 pm
The Memory of Living - Thursday, Period 1. [6/4]
Class today met in an empty Danger Shop. Not even anywhere to sit -- Constantine was going to be keeping people on their toes.
"Let's talk about our second favorite part of grief - anger," John said with annoying cheer once everyone had assembled. "Because once we stop trying to rewrite reality, it's easier to be angry with everyone and everything than let yourself feel anything else."
"We've all thought it - why me? Why them? I want revenge, someone needs to pay, fuck God, fuck the universe, it's my fault, it's their fault... you know the chorus, because you've probably sung it at least once. Some people get short-tempered and unstable, lashing out, while others go ice cold. Some get verbally snappy while others turn that rage inward."
"It's the destructive cycle of thoughts and outcomes: thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to behaviors, and behaviors circle back to our thoughts."
"So, how do you yank yourself out of that, to get going towards something 'healthier?'" Yes, he did the air quotes. "The pros talk a big game about recognizing the underlying feelings, not lying to yourself about it. Doing shite like meditation and yoga. Art. Poetry. Journaling. Stuff where you don't have to talk, you just do. Hell, they suggest thinking about it from someone else's point of view, but that seems fucked-up to me - then you're just feeling shit for two people, not just yourself."
"The thing about anger, is that it can be calming, in a fucked-up kind of way. That rage can burn everything else away, and let you feel like you're thinking clearly." John shrugged, his hands in his pockets. "You aren't, but it can feel like it."
"Spill. When you feel the anger rising, do you try to break the cycle? How? Does it actually work, or are you just going through the motions to feel better about yourself?"
"Let's talk about our second favorite part of grief - anger," John said with annoying cheer once everyone had assembled. "Because once we stop trying to rewrite reality, it's easier to be angry with everyone and everything than let yourself feel anything else."
"We've all thought it - why me? Why them? I want revenge, someone needs to pay, fuck God, fuck the universe, it's my fault, it's their fault... you know the chorus, because you've probably sung it at least once. Some people get short-tempered and unstable, lashing out, while others go ice cold. Some get verbally snappy while others turn that rage inward."
"It's the destructive cycle of thoughts and outcomes: thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to behaviors, and behaviors circle back to our thoughts."
"So, how do you yank yourself out of that, to get going towards something 'healthier?'" Yes, he did the air quotes. "The pros talk a big game about recognizing the underlying feelings, not lying to yourself about it. Doing shite like meditation and yoga. Art. Poetry. Journaling. Stuff where you don't have to talk, you just do. Hell, they suggest thinking about it from someone else's point of view, but that seems fucked-up to me - then you're just feeling shit for two people, not just yourself."
"The thing about anger, is that it can be calming, in a fucked-up kind of way. That rage can burn everything else away, and let you feel like you're thinking clearly." John shrugged, his hands in his pockets. "You aren't, but it can feel like it."
"Spill. When you feel the anger rising, do you try to break the cycle? How? Does it actually work, or are you just going through the motions to feel better about yourself?"
Re: During the Lecture
With herself. Always and forever with herself. For not realizing what was happening. For not being there. For being weak. For being stupid. For being tricked.
Liliana knew grief. It was a bitter emotion that felt like failure and self-loathing. But anger? Oh, she knew that one, too, and that one was so damn sweet.