fandomhigh | The Memory of Living - Thursday, Period 1. [5/28]

"Denial ain't a river in Egypt, kids," John drawled after everyone had arrived. "--but it's something that Fandom residents tend to excel at."

"Now, denial is different than not understanding, while that can be part of it. But generally speaking, it is when is a loss doesn't feel real yet. You know that the loss happened but it doesn't feel like it, or you feel like you can still somehow change the situation." Yes, that came out slightly sarcastic.

"Grief can be a messy process and everyone reacts to it differently. People struggle to consciously or unconsciously acknowledge the loss."

"The denial stage of grief is characterized by the following experiences: Feeling shocked or emotionally numb, being confused and disoriented, shutting down and being unable to process emotions, forgetting about the loss or disbelief that the loss occurred, avoiding reminders of the loss, sleeping more than usual, procrastinating in dealing with the loss and its consequences, staying busy all the time to avoid thinking about the loss or engaging in mindless behaviors and being easily distracted, focusing on the needs of others instead of our own needs, thinking or saying, 'I’m fine,' or 'Everything’s fine,'" Was that a pointed look at the class?

Yes. Yes it was.

"And, of course, using substances like alcohol or drugs to avoid facing reality. My personal fucking favorite method of coping!"

"Of course, grief is a fucking bitch, and even when you think you're over it, it'll come swinging at you out of left-field. You might get the urge to contact the person who's gone - whether dead or just out of your life - before you realize they're gone, and then BAM! You're caught in the cycle again. You might think of a joke the person would enjoy, then realize you won't get to share it with them. Or you'll have the feeling that the person was just with us, or that they never left."

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Grieving.

Jonathan Sims, who is absolutely fine.

Liliana Vess, also very fine

Caleb who is, likewise fine.

Octavia Blake, never fine, actually

Henry, who says she's fine.

Take notes, pass notes, do whatever you fucking want. John doesn't much care.

On top of everything else that had happened to Caleb, there was something he'd only recently been forced to remember. His own death. He was kind of hoping he could forget about that again, if he just managed not to think about it or talk about it.

Oh wait, the purpose of this was to not be in denial anymore?

Look, Jon's ~~death~~ coma was absolutely something he was in denial about, and he saw nothing wrong with staying there for good!

"So, let's talk about denial. What did I miss? Who's got a better way to try and break a way out of it, other than time, drugs, or avoidance? 'Cause I fucking don't."

At least he was being honest about it?

"There's...well. There's always work. O-or revenge."

Look, he probably shouldn't advocate for that, but it had been the only thing that had ever remotely helped.

Octavia shook her head, just barely. "Revenge only feels like a good idea," she said, her voice low and raspy and the particular shade of mild it tended to be around a bunch of strangers. "It doesn't actually do anything."

Ask her how she knew.

"I, um. Well, I suppose that depends upon how...er...how fatal the revenge is."

Look, he'd killed a few times for revenge. He absolutely felt guilty about it, but it had stopped them doing anything terrible to other people.

"Think my revenge was always about trying to even the score," Octavia said, with a vague half shrug, as if it clarified anything.

It had been pretty fatal.

"Mine was...well, I suppose it was partly that," Jon admitted. "But also, I...I didn't want them hurting anybody else."

"Congrats," Octavia rasped, with another faint shrug. "Then your motivation wasn't revenge."

A beat, for reconsideration.

"Not purely, anyway."

"Maybe not purely," Jon conceded. "And it didn't do much good in the end, but it did stop those...people. Or whatever they were."

Wow. Look at Liliana. Look at Liliana not thinking of the frantic decade she'd spent searching for a cure for what she'd done to Josu. Or of the blankness after Zhara's murder and the bloody vengeance that she'd enacted had been over. Definitely not thinking of the time on the cold mountain after Annika's death--but then, she'd been mourning far more than just the loss of her lover.

You know what else she wasn't thinking about? How she'd never processed the loss of her parents, her sisters, every member of the Vess line that had presumably died after her first Planeswalk. Or of Lady Ana or Arine or the boy whose name she still couldn't remember and every other servant, most who had been with her family for her entire life, also dead in a sickroom two hundred years ago, though their deaths had been overshadowed by the rest of the tragedy. Or how she'd never stepped foot on Dominaria again, even though she still loved it--was teaching a class on it, even!

Yeah, it was a very head-empty-no-thoughts Liliana today, honest!

"I need a drink," she muttered to herself. For no reason.

How had he dealt with losing his first family? He didn't really remember. How had he dealt with losing his second family? Or when he'd had to go live with Granny?

"If our copin' strategy is helpful to others is denial such a bad thing?"

Growing up in rural Appalachia in the 1930's, keeping busy tended to be a lot of peoples' coping strategy. Or of course, drinking.

He's around

I am (ironically) at a funeral tomorrow/today. SP is win.

Edited 2026-05-28 02:44 (UTC)

The Memory of Living - Thursday, Period 1. [5/28]

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During the Lecture

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OOC