fandomhigh | How to Be an Entertainer Workshop #3, Caritas, 06.07.06, Afternoon

After the students had walked into Caritas and settled in, the familiar opening to The Final Countdown began. GOB walked onto the stage much more calmly than usual and waved to the students before finally stopping and speaking into the microphone. "You know, I just flew in from California, and boy is this joke tired!"

The zombie drummer rolled off a perfect rimshot.

"Continuing with last week's comedy theme, today we're going to be trying out standup comedy. A standup just has to be funny, so the entrance isn't as important as it is for other forms of entertainment. Just walk out to your music, be gentle with your audience, then rip into whatever the hell you want for a few minutes. Take a couple minutes to come up with your act, then take turns up here."

"The only rule is that you have to be funny. It doesn't matter what you joke about as long as you remember that. Also, don't mock me or you get detention. Just because I have a thick skin doesn't mean I have to use it."

"Oh, at the end of the month, you all have to participate in a talent show. And next week I'm coaching a basketball game. Come out to see!"

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Be funny. And if you're not on stage, feel free to heckle.

Jamie walks onto the stage carrying a large car tire that appears to be made of chocolate. He signals the zombie band who begin playing the "Flight of the Bumblebee" in a jazzy way.

Jamie sits down on the stage and eats the entire chocolate tire.

Afterwards he crawls into the piano and stays there for the rest of the workshop with his legs hanging out.

Nadia makes a mental note to be very careful while rooming with Jamie from now on, because he's obviously lost his mind.

[ooc: OMG, I love you so much.]

GOB turned to his students and asked, "Did Sock Love lose his mind? Even more than before?"

Jamie starts singing "Moon River" from inside the piano.

It was very clear to GOB that he needed to have a talk with this weirdo. "Hey, Sock Love. We need to talk after the workshop."

Nadia came on stage, studiously ignoring the Jamie in the piano, since she was suspecting the original Jamie was hiding somewhere and laughing it up at everyone's reactions to the crazy Jamie.

She had drawn a face on her left hand, including a large, bushy black mustache.

Where she got the sombrero for it is anyone's guess.

She stepped up to the mic to a mariachi version of "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina" and launched into an act riddled with racial slurs and horrible Mexican stereotypes that was rather obviously based on GOB's own act from back in February.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. No, really, it is.

"You know what, Nadia?" GOB said. "I'm disgusted. We don't appreciate crude language here. And ventriloquism is still a couple weeks away. Maybe a detention will teach you a lesson to not jump the gun like that again. And use such terrible language. I'm disappointed in you."

Nadia gaped. "Detention?" There may have been squeaking. And flailing.

Then she wondered if this was one of GOB's jokes. If it was, she didn't think it was very funny. She pouted and glared.

John's mind is just about blank. Only one thing, ONE THING, rings in his head to try and make GOB laugh.

So, he has the zombie band queue up Michael Jackson's Black and White, changes into a grey shirt, grey pants and grey shoes and grey cap.

On his face? Grey paint.

He struts on stage and pulls out a pencil, sharpened and long.

"I am the Crazy Hooker. I will cut you and your babies and your dog too. Also, I wear pink slippers when no one's paying attention. I live with a mute woman who might be sister or my aunt or my cousin or all three. Shut up, I WILL CUT YOU."

And he does several slashing moves with his pencil.

"Excuse me," GOB said. He then walked to the back and based on how long he was gone, he probably went to the apartment above the bar. The students could probably hear somebody laughing somewhere above them. A lot.

After a couple minutes, he returned, tears in his eyes. "Sorry about that. I just don't want to die. You heard nothing."

"I heard nothing," John repeats. "I did all right, then?"

"No comment," GOB said, smiling.

There was a musical instrument on stage resembling a piano, but the keys were different. River had played the piano as a child. She struck a chord. This one wasn't in pentatonic scale. She tried playing "Eight spaceships in flight" by Osirian composer Wu Longtang. She got the rhythm right, but apart from that it sounded very strange.

River wasn't sure if it was funny, but she tried looking extremely serious.

GOB gave River a funny look, shook his head, and moved on quickly because geez that was odd.

Greg got up on stage to the lovely opening chords of D&D, wearing a lab coat, goggles and surgical mask that he had probably brought to class for the intention of using for whatever comedic purpose he could dream up, and started with, "So, what emotional disorder does a gas chomatograph suffer from? Separation anxiety!"

The rest of his act? Yeah. Pretty much loaded with geek humor, which wasn't particularly funny without context.

"You kind of remind me of my brother, Dorkface," GOB said. He wasnn't talking about Michael.

Kawalsky spent most of the workshop trying to figure out what to say. He wasn't feeling the funny today, but after seeing everyone else's attempts, he was amused, and he decided to do what other stand-up comedians did. He talked about real life.

"So I'm hanging out with all of my buddies, and um, I realize something. I realize something. You know the group of people you've known the longest in your life? You know the group of friends you've hung out with the most? This is what I've realized. I had an ephiphany. There is ONE person in EVERY group of friends that nobody fucking likes. You basically keep them there to hate their guts! When that person is not around, the rest of your little base camp? Your hobby is cutting that person down. Example! BONNIE is always a douchebag. Every group has a Bonnie and she's always a bag of douche. And when she's not around, you go "GOD, BONNIE. She's such a douchebag!" Until she walks up and then you're all 'Hey, what's up, Bon?' And I'm looking out and there's some people who are all 'Hmm I disagree', when YOU'RE the person, you're the person nobody likes. Your whole life that person's been there too. That's how Dave is in our group. Nobody likes Dave. Yet everywhere we go, Dave would show up, even if we didn't tell him where we were going. We would go some place and he would do that 'I just found you' run. 'Hahahaha hi guys, what's up guuuuys?' And one of us would see him and warn the rest of the group. We'd be like 'Fucking Dave's coming.' 'What?' 'Fucking Dave's coming!' That's his name. 'Fucking Dave's coming.' I heard a rumor that when he was born, even the doctor said 'Fucking Dave's coming. Let's get this demon seed outta here.'"

"Fucking Dave," GOB said, shaking his head. "Right on, Chuck."

How to Be an Entertainer Workshop #3, Caritas, 06.07.06, Afternoon

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