fandomhigh | The Various Gods & You, Monday, First Period

Today, Don started the class off with, "As some of you may or may not be aware, there is in fact at least one actual god currently living on this here island. Well," he said, glancing at Jane standing there being all Thor-y, "it's complicated. But I'm talking about Thor."

"The male Thor," Jane agreed. "God of thunder in the Norse pantheon. In those stories, he's apparently a redhead, though. And more... punch happy?"

Well, that was certainly one way to say a berserker.

"Yeah, let's...let's go with that," Don said. "Apparently it's very important to Thor that we clear up for you all another thing that the stories told about him get wrong, namely, that he and the god of mischief, Loki, are brothers, Loki having been adopted and raised by Odin and Frigga. I'm not sure why this is so important to him, considering that Thor and Loki had a relationship not unlike Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football, but it does go to show you that stories can get things wrong and when dealing with gods in person you shouldn't go on what you've heard about them, but try to learn the truth."

"Case in point, the stories about the gods of Asgard come from a collection called the Poetic Edda," Jane said. "Those stories were a compilation of tales orally told and embellished for years and years before even being put down into text. Some of which even contradict each other or confuse names based on who was doing the telling at the time."

Freyja, Frigg. Looking at you.

Don nodded agreement and said, "We thought today we'd tell you one of the better-known stories of Thor from the Poetic Edda, which you can tell from the start is not entirely true because it hinges on Thor's magic hammer, Mjolnir, being stolen, and in reality Mjolnir can only be lifted by one who is worthy to wield it, making it very difficult to steal." Don paused, then said, "Oh, yes we are," under his breath before continuing, "This is the Þrymskviða."

"I thought that was a thing Odin did to it," Jane said with a frown, but shook it off easily. "Yes, this story is one where the brothers Loki and Thor work together... kind of... to get the hammer back by... dressing Thor up as a blushing bride."

"You see," Don said, "the story goes that one day Thor woke up to find his hammer, Mjolnir, gone, and Loki investigated and found out that the jötunn lord Þrymr had stolen the hammer, and would only give it back in exchange for Freyja's hand in marriage, as if that's something Thor had the right to give. Freyja, quite rightly, told them all to go to Hel, so they needed a backup plan. Which is where the crossdressing comes in." Wow, his pronunciation of these Norse words was amazingly perfect for some reason.

Uh huh.

"So, Thor, as the veiled bride, spends the wedding ceremony eating and drinking enough to cause Loki to continue to try explaining why the goddess Freyja would be acting this way," Jane continued. "I'm sure Loki enjoyed that, honestly."

"Oh, yes!" Don suddenly exclaimed. "Loki was also crossdressing. That's very important to note. Loki was the bridesmaid. Eventually the jötnar brought out Mjolnir to sanctify the wedding...somehow...and Thor grabbed it and started hitting people with it. Which I'm sure really surprised everyone who thought he was Freyja up until that point. But like I said, Mjolnir is really difficult to steal, so probably it's just a story, and anyway I'm sure Loki was involved in the initial theft." A beat. "Oh, but one time Thor really did get turned into a frog." That was really important to note. Because of reasons.

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That's the point of the entire class, right?

"So Thor as a frog would be worthy to handle the hammer but what about a worthy frog? Would it be able to handle the regular hammer or would it have to by tiny too?"

Look, Throg is a thing and it should be celebrated.

"You know, we've never tested animals," Jane admitted, considering it.

"Okay, well as long as it's ethical animal testing," Dean replied carefully. "I don't want to electrocute frogs. Or any other animals. Just worthiness and hammer lifting."

And how do you test if an animal is worthy?

"I think if there's lightning, there's a Thor," Jane suggested. But that was hardly a scientific guess.

"So hammer lifting and lightning equals Thor," Dean clarified. "No matter the gender or species. That seems fair."

"So long as they're worthy," Jane agreed. "Which feels arbitrary really."

Because worthy was based on the current author, duh.

"Well, you can lift the hammer and I can't," Dean pointed out. "I don't think that's arbitrary."

Yes, he was kissing up to the teacher and trying to be the teacher's pet. Shut up.

"Smooth, Mr. Winchester," she teased.

Look, a little kissing up never hurt! But she would still be grading with academic integrity.

"Why thank you, Dr. Foster," he said, grinning back.

And Dean cared very little for his grade. This probably was one factor why he couldn't pick up the hammer.

Out of several thousand.

Look, sometimes you need to have all the trauma instead!

"I'll see if I can get details on the frog thing for you," she promised.

Poor, poor Thor. He brought this on himself.

"There's a shiny red apple in it for you if you do," Dean promised.

And a good apple. None of that red delicious garbage.

The Various Gods & You, Monday, First Period

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