fandomhigh | Romancing For Dummies, Period 1

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romance 101

Romancing For Dummies, Period 1

"So like...dates. I guess they're the stuff you do before you find somewhere to flang," Navaan said with a shrug. "They're supposed to help you get to know the other person, which sounds like a lot of work just to get laid, but you're all here for romance so I guess that's what you wanna do? Dinner and a movie is the usual, but ordering pizza and then telling the delivery person you don't have any cash and you'll have to pay for it another way is a lot more fun. You can even make your own movie if you want!"

Look. That might not be what you wanted to hear, but that didn't make her wrong.

"There are also a bunch of different things you could do if you don't just wanna eat dinner or see a movie." Navaan was clearly reading off of notes. "You can have a picnic somewhere. Or go hiking. Or get coffee. Or--ughhhhhhhhhhhhh these are all so boring. All this stuff sucks. Just go out and get drunk and go back to somebody's house! It's easy! Why are you all complicating it? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Tell us how you really feel, Navaan.

"I don't know, stand up and tell people about what you'd do for a romantic first date and we'll all talk about ways to make it suck less or whatever. You!" She pointed to someone. "You're up."

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First Date Activities

Kamala Khan

Arthur Lester (and John Doe)

Gray

Or just watch as the concept of dating makes your teacher lose whatever mind she has left.

Oh good. Dating conversations.

Kamala already felt awkward and ridiculous.

Tell us about your ideal first date and then have everyone mercilessly criticize it.

Or offer helpful tips, whatever.

Kamala in a moment of not wanting to be criticized for being lame just decided to go big or go home.

“My ideal first date is to get super drunk and then just… have sex. Just super big raunchy sex all night long. Oh, yeah. Nothing like drinking and sexing. Yep.”

Adorable. Like Navaan couldn't spot a virgin from a mile off.

"Okaaaaaay," she said, very skeptical. "Name three sex positions that you know."

Fudge.

"Uhhhhh. Missionary? Downward facing dog?"

Okay. That was yoga but it sounded dirty. Needed a third though...

"The camel hump?"

"...Okay that last one sounds cool as hell," Navaan said, already planning to look it up. "But we both know you're lying. You're not that cool."

Okay, now there was pouting.

"I'm totally cool!"

You know. For a nerd.

"Tell me about your first kiss."

"... I was too drunk to remember what it was like."

Look, if she was this far she was just going to double down on the lie.

Edited 2024-08-02 17:49 (UTC)

"You know I'm a detective, right?"

Kamala, you were the world's worst liar.

Oh, totally the worst liar.

"Then why are you teaching a class on romance?"

Deflect! Deflect!

"Because I contain multitudes."

Duh, Kamala.

~~And also it's Katie's fault.~~

"Are you sure you contain multitudes? I think it would be very crowded in there," Kamala replied earnestly.

See, and this just resulted in a very inappropriate story that Kamala was definitely not prepared to hear.

"I regret everything."

"Virgin."

"Coffee's not a bad idea, because you can talk while you're there and learn about each other. Look," he said, heading off the inevitable criticism, "even if all you want to know is their favorite sex position, talking is good!"

"So...." Navaan said, waiting for him to go on. "Details. How would you do all the...date stuff?"

"Well, I'd meet at a coffee shop," Arthur said. "I would offer to pay for whatever they choose to drink. I'd start by talking about why I asked them out."

What if they asked you out, Arthur?

"Oh, or if they asked me out, then I'd thank them and possibly ask why. Try to find something in common. Then we'd just talk."

"How would you ask them out?" Was she tormenting him or actually curious? Only Navaan knew the answer to that!

(And probably not even her.)

"I'd probably just ask," Arthur said. "Do you want to go for coffee?"

"Oh no," Navaan said quickly. "Dating's for chumps. I don't blame you for asking, I'm great, but no. You keep trying though, I bet someone's out there for you!"

"Oh! God, no, I wasn't actually asking you," Arthur said. "Not that you're not...well, I'd just hate to waste your time."

Nailed it?

Why did it feel like Gray had just answered this question? "Okay, so. We're gonna go somewhere we can get waffles. With whipped cream and chocolate chips and strawberries, and maybe extra whipped cream. I don't care what he eats. And then maybe we go to the beach or something but honestly I only have so much time before I fall asleep again so hopefully we skip to going straight back to his place so I can ride him like a pony. That's the vision."

"Yeah but like..." She looked at the remains of her notes. "I'm supposed to ask how you're gonna ask somebody and dress and all those details that are somehow important for reasons."

"I dunno how I'm gonna ask them," Gray said. "I guess it would depend on the person. I'm realizing lately that I need to be a lot more forward. Men these days are so oblivious. First, Flint was from 1715, second, this was how Mason got a pickup line about squirrels. "I'd probably wear my normal clothes. Sloth makes it hard to make an effort like that. Maybe I'd try to put on my skinny jeans that make my butt look good."

"What are you gonna talk about over waffles? Because apparently everybody's big on talking." Yet more things you didn't have to worry about with sex. "Also, there's a note here about flowers. So something something flowers."

"I don't care about flowers," Gray said. "But if he does I'll ask Al what to get him. He cares about stuff like that."

Ugh. Lazarus would never--nope, noooooope, not thinking about that. That way madness lay.

"And I dunno, what do people talk about on dates? Getting to know you stuff? 'Hi, I'm the son of a fallen angel and I'm cursed by God. Please say you're a top'?"

"Why are you asking me?" Navaan asked, baffled. "I don't date. I think it's dumb. Hookups are the way to go."

About dating? Really?

Don't worry class. We're gonna revisit this next week. But WORSE!

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Romancing For Dummies, Period 1

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Talk to Navaan

OOC