fandomhigh | Romancing For Dummies, Period 1

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romance 101

Romancing For Dummies, Period 1

For once, Navaan was neither passed out on her desk when class filed in or suffering from a misery of a hangover. On the other hand, that meant she was prepared for class, which, for some reason, involved a great many ~~moddable~~ craft supplies, including whole swathes of fabric, scissors, sewing machines, cardboard, markers, and, of course, glitter. So, so, much glitter. The glitter was never coming out, sorry folks. It was like the unholy love child of a JoAnn Fabrics and a Michaels that then got drunk of Goldschlager.

By the time class was done, you might be wishing that she'd just rolled in drunk.

"Welcome to Romancing for Dummies," she said brightly. "So, you poor, lonely saps have been looking at your love lives lately, realized that it was a howling, desolate wasteland of emptiness, and decided to get off your asses and change that. Good for you! Good job showing initiative! I mean, you've all still got a whole long way to go, look at yourselves, but this is a step in the right direction. Now, of course, romance is hard and boring and you'll probably be happier skipping out on that and going for a lifetime of casual sex and drug use, but I dunno, some of you got that romantic type look about you that says you actually want, like, emotions. Which probably means you're still a virgin because orgasms feel better than love any day--" Or so she was assuming, who knew? "--but that's between you and your whoever or whatever. God, partner, partners, sentient right hand, whatever.

"Anyway, I'm a doctor, which means I have a lot of practice seducing secrets out of people, because that's what doctors do." Obviously. Keep up, class. "And I explained to my little guys who were helping me, when it comes to seduction, you can't just give them what they think they want. Why not? Because that's not seduction. That's romance. Probably. Seducing involves keeping your target intrigued, surprised, and a little bit afraid. But what they both have in common?"

She paused for dramatic effect. Don't worry class, you had no way of guessing what she was about to say next ~~unless you'd read the comic~~. But duh. That was why she was teaching this class and you weren't.

"That's right! Costumes! Seduction costumes are sexy, but also a little bit menacing, but also inviting. Romancing costumes are also sexy, so you can get past the mushy feelings stuff to flanging faster, but actually in tune with what the other person wants. So you're gonna have to think. What does whoever you're trying to romance like? What do they find sexy? What do they want? In what ways can I flaunt myself like a weird bird or whatever that does weird dances like on the nature documentary I watched with John last night after Arthur fell asleep? So that's what we're doing today, folks! You're gonna settle in and make yourself a good romancing costume and introduce yourself in it and then I'm going to critique it and explain why you're probably never gonna find anybody if that's what your taste is like!"

She gestured to the mounds of supplies. "Okay! Get at it! Show me your romantic prowess through the medium of costume!"

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Like this is your first day in a Navaan class

Welcome to your next seven weeks of class, folks.

It's like Project Runway but somehow more dysfunctional.

By the time Navaan called a halt to the fashion designing aspect, she had changed into a costume of her own. Or at least had put one on over her normal clothing. Half of a hollowed out watermelon - adorned with banana horns - rested on her head. Lemon epaulets adorned her shoulders, holding a red cape to her back. Strawberries were placed over each finger and a belt of cherries encircled her waist. "Look at me, I'm a sexy fruitviking," she purred. "You have any romance you wanna tell the fruitviking about? 'Cos fruitvikings looooooooooove romance. Aww yeah." Look how both romantic and seductive this costume was, class! This is what peak performance looks like!

"Anyway, the fruitviking is here to hear aaaallll your dirty little secrets. Like your name, any experience you have with romance, and, your costume and why you picked it, who you were thinking about romancing in it, what weird sexy kinks and fantasies you have--" Don't feel inclined to actually answer that one, folks "--all that good stuff. It's okay. Don't be shy. Who's gonna believe a fruitviking anyway?"

As per usual, complaints could be sent to Anakin Skywalker, Dean of Students (who might also be present!), Zoe Winchester, Principal, and Miguel Cardona, Secretary of Education in the USA.

[Comic NSFW, as expected]

Edited 2024-07-12 07:32 (UTC)

Well, sure. That's a choice. You could make. For reasons.

I will never not be entertained by her.

Kamala Khan

Kamala just stared. Stared. And stared some more. And finally said: “I think Cal (if he’s here) should go first.”

Yep. She’s throwing Cal under the bus. Sorry Cal!

Kamala was a bit shell shocked to be in this class. Plus this was her first exposure to Navaan who is… Navaan.

Kamala was just basically wondering how this all happened.

Stupid moose.

Kamala had NO idea how to make a romancing costume. Nope. Not at all.

So she decided to just model an outfit with just a tank top and cut offs.

(Look, it worked for Arden! Okay? Shush)

And then when she tried it on she realized there was a LOT of skin (Or at least a lot for Kamala's taste) there so she pulled on some weird yellow rain coat.

It looked weird. Not really romantic. Or whatever Navaan considered romantic.

Cal Kestis

Kamala, this was not the action of a friend! Cal would remember this.

"Cal Kestis, no experience, not romancing anyone. And my clothes are fine," he said, motioning to his uncostumed self. Why had he even come when he saw this on his schedule? "Next?"

Kamala saw the look on Cal's face and now felt even worse. Especially since she was dressed up in a ridiculous outfit.

"I'mKamalaAndIhaveNoIdeaWhatI'mDoinghere," she sputtered out.

"Oh, is that why you're here, then?" Navaan asked, looking at his lack-of-costume. "You just not putting any effort into your love life? Look, even I know you're not gonna win somebody over like that."

"Is it romancing the DPW?" Navaan asked. "Because it looks like you're about to romance the DPW."

Kamala shifted her focus back and forth between Navaan and anything else in this room that wasn't a fruit viking.

"I have no idea what a DPW is," she admitted.

And she was really worried what it actually meant.

"...Department of Public Works," Navaan said. "You're a little freaky-deaky thing, ain't you?"

She sounded approving.

"Well I've been called a freak..."

Probably not in the way that Navaan was thinking.

"But I've never been involved with public transit or plumbing or anything."

Navaan takes in her coat ~~and her boots and gloves if she's wearing them~~ and just nods. "Sometimes we come up with kinks that we don't already know exist," she says. "So. Tell me. What about this outfit is screams romance to you?"

Edited 2024-07-12 18:23 (UTC)

"Uh. Well the shorts and the tank top are usually what my friend wears and she always looks good in them," Kamala said, looking and sounding pretty meek. "And then I felt like I wasn't wearing enough so I put on the coat."

You have your work cut out with this one, Navaan.

Gray

Gray was asleep on top of some clothes. Oops?

"I'm Gray," Gray said. "I was romanced by a pirate captain once. I ran away with him to live on his pirate ship. But then he died." Humans did that.

"My costume is, uh..." He was wearing a pastel tie-dye t-shirt with a cartoon sloth on it, basketball shorts, knee socks, and light blue Converse All-Stars. "I think authenticity and comfort are really sexy. Plus I like big strong military-type men, or, y'know, big strong pirates," those were always good, "and if they're into twinks then I want to be as twinky as possible, y'know? But like a twink that just rolled out of bed," because that was what he was. Wait. No. Selling it for the crazy vampire. "Because then he'll be thinking about rolling back into bed." Nailed it?

"I'm here because it was on my schedule and I was curious. I don't know how much curiosity I have overall though," he said.

Right? With, like, disturbing regularity.

Navaan was pretty skeptical as Gray started his explanation, but as he kept going, she found herself nodding along with him. "You definitely got 'twink and thrilled about it' vibes going on," she said, peering closely at him. "Any current romances on your agenda?"

"Not into romance?" Navaan asked. "That makes sense. Romance is stupid and weird. You and me, gotta stick together!"

"Why do you feel like you weren't wearing enough? Are you a vampire?"

Gray pouted. "No, even though this island is full of so many yummy men." It probably had something to do with how they all thought he was jailbait, but he deserved a fling or several (as a treat) before he met Mason and committed himself to the same dick for the rest of his life. "But that hot new ginger might be a pirate if the radio didn't lie to me, and as we previously established I am very into that. And also hot gingers." Sorry, Flint. Let a boy dream.

“No. I just felt exposed,” Kamala admitted.

Look, not everyone was a hot vampire dressed as a fruit Viking. Kayla could not pull off a look like that.

"Exposed to what?" Navaan looked around. "Some kind of danger?"

She still wasn't picking up what Kamala was putting down.

"Yeah, too bad that the flannel guy fell down with monogamy, that sucked," Navaan said. "Have you considered Beaker? He's kinky like whoa."

"I'm not really into felt," Gray said with a shrug.

Sorry, Beaker. He was sure you were wild in the sack.

He was!

"How about the sexy not-me vampire?"

"Oh, yes, please," Gray said without a moment's hesitation.

"You gonna wear that to romance him?"

Gray looked down at his outfit. "I might change my shirt. I don't wanna have to try to get blood out of this one, and, y'know, he's a vampire and I'm Nephilim so I'm sure there'd be some blood." Otherwise he did not see a problem.

As another vampire, neither did Navaan. "Well, in this class you'll learn all about how to do the romancing! If just going up and asking him to fuck doesn't work which would be weird."

Okay. Clearly someone needed to very specific with Navaan.

“I was feeling insecure,” Kamala said after a groan of frustration.

Arthur Lester (and John Doe)

"Wait, that's what you did?"

I like the birds!

Arthur scowled. "You signed us up for this, John, you build a romancing costume!"

This was how they'd end up with a tie but no shirt, a short skirt, and a metric ton of glitter. Never let it be said John wasn't snarky.

"I'm Arthur Lester," Arthur said, deadpan. "And I'm here because a friend thought it would be funny to sign us up for this. I've been married, and I'm not thinking of romancing anybody."

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Romancing For Dummies, Period 1

Sign In #1

Listen to the Lecture

Make Your Romancing Costume

Presentation and Introduction

Talk to Navaan

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