First Aid, Monday, Fifth Period

[ifwebeworthy]

"Okay," Don said. "Last week I left Tony Stark in charge without clear instructions--that's on me--and now I'm given to understand you all own your own personal defibrillators. So let's talk about how and when to use those, because I don't want any of you electrocuting yourselves. The good news is, they make these things fairly idiot-proof, because a lot of people don't handle crisis well. So the device has a voice that's going to tell you what to do when, and the pads are labeled with where to put them on the victim--in this case, our CPR dummy."

Don used his walking stick for support as he lowered himself to the floor beside said dummy, because his knee didn't like that very much today. "Now, because it's all automated, you can continue doing chest compressions or rescue breathing in between shocks, but--this is very important--when the machine says 'Clear' you need to get clear or you will get shocked too. Your heart is working just fine and you want to keep it that way.

"And while we're already down here with the CPR dummies, let's talk about CPR. I would recommend you take a Red Cross class and get properly certified, but knowing the basics is better than not knowing anything, so. Let's go. First you're going to check whether the person is responsive, and if they're not, you're going to call 911 or designate another person to call 911. Don't say, 'Somebody call 911,' because again, a lot of people are bad in a crisis. Pick a person and tell that specific person to call 911. And, of course, if you're somewhere without 911 insert appropriate emergency services here. If they're not breathing, you need to make sure the airway is clear, and then if they're still not breathing, you're going to need to do rescue breathing. There are health risks associated with this, because you could get blood in your mouth, but I'm gonna assume those fancy kits Tony got you include proper PPE." Along with the chest seals.

"So. Chest compressions and rescue breathing. Here's how it works." Don proceeded to demonstrate on the dummy. "If you do it right, you might break your patient's ribs, but that's fine. Broken ribs suck, but they're better than being dead. A common tip is to do chest compressions to the beat of Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees." Don played the song on his phone. "Which definitely works. If you've seen someone do CPR in a movie or show, the victim probably woke up after about a minute, yay, the CPR worked. That's not how it goes in real life. Once you start CPR you don't get to stop until the paramedics arrive to take over, you can verify breathing and heartbeat have restabilized on their own, or you can't do it any more.

"Now let's move on to something you're more likely to have a use for in real life, or at least I hope none of you have to give CPR any time soon...the Heimlich maneuver, used when someone is choking." Don demonstrated how it went, then said, "And now I'll let you get back to your Memorial Day and the barbecue, where hopefully you won't have to use any of your new knowledge."

Comments

Re: Talk to Don

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"Have you ever--" A brief pause, wherein Arden heard her phrasing and her eyes opened very wide in oh fuck, I did not mean to reference that "--had to use things like pens or straws or whatever common household items to save someone?"

Re: Talk to Don

[ifwebeworthy]

Don may or may not have briefly looked like a man having a war flashback. "Do you have the Avengers where you're from?" he asked her. "I'm given to understand not everyone does."

Re: Talk to Don

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Arden shook her head. "Very ordinary world," she lied said. "No superpowers, no aliens, no magic, just people."

Re: Talk to Don

[ifwebeworthy]

"I suppose it's all in what you're used to," Don said. "Where I'm from superpowers and aliens and magic are all pretty normal, at least in certain circles." And he wouldn't exist without them. "The Avengers are a superhero team. They seem to think having superpowers makes them immortal." A beat. "Most of them are not. So." He shrugged. "You do what you gotta do." With Tony's Mont Blanc pen, if necessary.

Re: Talk to Don

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"So...yes," she surmised. "Okay, good to know."

Great, now she had to worry about needing to stab Kamala in the throat with a Bic because Avengers Were Just Like That^TM apparently.

Re: Talk to Don

[ifwebeworthy]

Maybe Kamala would be one of the reasonable ones? Probably not, though, those were rare. "Most people will never need to do something like that," he assured Arden.

Re: Talk to Don

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"I'm friends with an Avenger," Arden drawled. "Or...well, a superhero who fights with them, maybe? She's younger than I am."

So you know. Take that for what it was, Don.

Re: Talk to Don

[ifwebeworthy]

"They're letting kids be Avengers where your friend is from?" Don asked. He had Concerns, Arden.

"...maybe hold on to that whole trauma kit Tony gave you." You know. Just in case.

Re: Talk to Don

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"She's only a few months younger than I am," Arden objected, like that made Don's kid comment somehow incorrect. "And she's very good at what she does."

Loyalty ran deep, okay? Not that Arden had more than the vaguest idea what Kamala did, other than protect suns and quantum... equations??? Maybe? Something.

Look, she was trying here.

Re: Talk to Don

[ifwebeworthy]

So she was an infant, was what Don was hearing. "I'm sure she is," he said. The actual adult superheroes he knew were all very good at what they did. They also liked to fling themselves into mortal danger like self-sacrificing fools. "She can still get hurt. Or worse." And yes, Don had mentioned in their first class that he'd been dead for a while, but not everybody got a second chance.

Re: Talk to Don

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Yeah, Don wasn't wrong. And even Arden's FRIEND!! instincts couldn't argue for long.

"...yeah, I'm holding onto the trauma kit," she sighed.

Re: Talk to Don

[ifwebeworthy]

"Probably a good idea," Don agreed. "And, uh, if something happens on a Friday...maybe skip the clinic unless it's a problem that can be solved with leeches." Sorry, Navaan, but he had his doubts about your qualifications.

Re: Talk to Don

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"...Is that the day the drunk vampire works there?"

Arden had done radio with her. She'd Seen Some Shit^TM

Re: Talk to Don

[ifwebeworthy]

"That's what I've been told," Don said. "And, I mean. She may be a fully qualified medical professional where she's from." Odin's other eye, he hoped not. "But she seems awfully fond of leeches."