fandomhigh | This Sh*t is Bananas, Part Duex: Tuesday, Third Period [05/14].

As if to make a statement, Summer was flanked by bowls brimming with bananas at the front of the cooking classroom, beaming with a sort of serene happiness to be back in her element of horrible power in dredging up the culinary sins of the past and exposing the world to them. And directly in front of her were two cloches covering the terrible mysteries they would be exploring today.

"Welcome, everyone," Summer said, "to This Shit is Bananas, Part Duex, a class where I return to the topic of horrible old recipes that should never see the light of day again, but with a specific focus on bananas. Now, bananas are a very interesting fruit. It's one of the most popular ones in America today, and some scientist believe it's actually the first fruit, like, ever. So it's been around for a while, which means there's been plenty of time for us to really fuck it up. We've also improved it in a lot of ways through genetic breeding and things that, which means its definitely didn't come out in nature as the perfect fruit like some Creationist may suggest. In fact, the banana was all know and love today is known as the Cavendish banana, named after some super-Britishly-named duke back in the 1820s. And now, it's a staple for lunch boxes and track meets, full of potassium, and bound to clutter freezers everywhere in wilted browned form because you're definitely going to make that banana bread out of it some day, really!"

There was a pause, as she looked over the class to see whose eyes might be glazing over at the 'educational' part of the class, and then grinned.

"We are definitely not going to be making banana bread in this class. We are going to be making stuff like this."

She opened the first cloche to reveal ham and bananas in hollandaise sauce.

"And this."

The next cloche revealed what might look, at first blush, like something wholly inappropriate for a classroom setting but was, in actually, just Christmas Candle Salad.

"Now," Summer said, "these two recipes were what inspired me to focus on the horrible things we did to bananas in the past, and so that felt like a great place to start for this week: the classics, and on two sides of the spectrum: one for its absolutely baffling combination of flavors and the other for its rather...unique presentation that's sure to catch the eye and make you wonder if people back then were seeing the same thing we see now. So we're just going to dive right in, we'll go over how to make the recipes, and, as we make them and maybe try them for ourselves if you're bold enough, discuss how and why these things might have come to be or just your thoughts and opinions in general.

"And if your thoughts and opinions generally revolve around regret? That is totally valid."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Going back to the classics.

Stewart

Stark

Hannibal Lecter

Cal Kestis

Steve Rogers

There's even an actual little lesson in there! If you have any questions about bananas in general, feel free to ask them, but discussion about the dishes in particular should hold off until after the class has had the chance to make them.

The use of the word 'crime' in this class' listing title had intrigued Stewart, putting to mind F.A.K.U.-style shenanigans that involved perhaps going well beyond the classic movie-trope staple of a banana in the tailpipe (not dirty...unless that would make you...uncomfortable?), so he wasn't entirely sure what he was getting into, but the more Summer went on, the more....captivated he became, and when the final purpose of why they were all here was revealed in dramatic, culinarily confusing fashion, he was sold.

How devilishly devious! How delightfully deconstructionist! How....morally ambiguous.

Oh, he was going to enjoy this probably more than anyone should. And the fact that he absolutely recognized Summer from when she left the store he was dancing in front of yesterday made it even more of a thrill.

"Wondrous," he muttered, under his breath, with a eager smirk.

Summer will lead everyone on getting their ham and banana hollandaise ready, and while that's baking, they can get started on their banana candles!

Does she mostly expect the second part to turn into people just making the most graphically suggested candles they could (either by accident or intentionally?)

Yes. Yes she does.

Either way, you've got time to create these monstrosities with your own two hands before deciding if you want to try them, give your opinion, or speculate on why these were created (or maybe even make an argument for why they're not so bad!), so that this feels like an actual class and not just Summer leaning hard into a niche because it's given her a lot of attention.

Stark had signed up for this on purpose. He'd known what to expect.

He was still, somehow, trying not to be embarrassed about his candle.

Oh, you better believe Stewart was doing everything in his ability to make his banana candle as phallic and pornograpjic as possible, starting with seeking out the biggest banana with the best curve he could find and being very liberal with all the terrible decorations.

"Oh," he commented gleefully as he ensured all the best drippage along the banana,"they had to have known exactly what they were doing with this one."

The bananas and hollandaise, though? Even he was utterly mystified by that one.

Hannibal looked from one monstrosity to the other and shrugged. Then he did them one better - he draped the ham over the gelatin base, stood the banana up, and drizzled the hollandaise over it.

Perhaps it was a touch juvenile, but he refused to back away from the implications. When you couldn't escape them, make them as outré as you could!

"How gratutiously grotesque," said Stewart, as he watched Hannibal with open awe and fascination...and respect. "It's magnificent."

Hannibal smirked. "Thank you; I do try."

Okay, was Cal supposed to make the banana candle without laughing? Because he was really struggling here as he poked at it to keep it upright. He hadn't really had the opportunity to be a stupid teenage boy, so he was going to enjoy it now.

"Well, Tony will have a thousand jokes about this," Steve said.

Tony. Only Tony. Really.

"We don't have to take these home, right? Please don't make me walk across town with a perky banana."

There had to be better ways to phrase that, Steve.

"No, Steeeeeve," said Summer, "you don't have to walk across town with a perky banana unless you want to."

Because, yeah, right, like she was passing up the opportunity to say that outlook.

Just like she couldn't help h herself from adding:

"Maybe you should see if anyone else would like your perky banana instead?"

Who might be wondering if she should have just made the main activity of today's lesson be a Christmas candle eating contest, but, well, she was trying to be good....

"Should I be worried about what other weeks will be like if you started out with the... candles?"

Yes, Stark. But you should have been worried before that.

"The candles," Summer insisted, "are a classic, and ones I've done before, therefore they're an intro to what to expect before getting into all the new weird junk I've found since the last time I did this class."

And considering that the recipes seemed to have been approached with some actual glee and even worse adjustments by some students, Summer was looking terribly proud of herself.

That was almost as heartwarming as people just chucking it into the trash or throwing up!

Stark just grinned at her and shook his head.

"I'm very worried then. And terribly curious about what's to come."

He was tempted to ask if there would be banana and ham in jello tomorrow but he didn't want to accidentally inspire anything.

Now, why would Stark be worried about something like that? It's not like Summer was notorious for taking one tiny little thing and running with it to the worst horrible conclusion!

And she certainly hadn't been in the process of doing anything like that recently, either!

She just smiled sweetly at him. "You knew what you were signing up for," she said. "I'm just making sure no one's disappointed."

Stark was going to be so horrified by the radio notes about her visit to the diner in the morning...

"I knew exactly what I signed up for," he told her. "That's exactly why I'm worried and curious!"

This Sh*t is Bananas, Part Duex: Tuesday, Third Period [05/14].

Sign In - Bananas, 05/14.

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Re: Sign In - Bananas, 05/14.

Listen to the Lecture - Bananas, 05/14.

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Class Activity: Make and Discuss! - Bananas, 05/14.

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Talk to the Teacher - Bananas, 05/14.

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OOC - Bananas, 05/14.