Navaan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
doesdoctorstuff) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2024-02-05 01:02 pm
doesdoctorstuff) wrote in fandomhigh2024-02-05 01:02 pm
Entry tags:
Creative Writing--So Simple Even You Can Do It! (Probably), Monday, Period 4
Lucky for all of you, your teacher was back at her desk today, looking none the worse for wear after her period of debauchery. That's because she had practice, kids, don't try this at home.
"So, if you watched last week's movie, you'll know that books with only one character are boring as Vanorva," she said, by way of greeting. "That was a town populated by virgins, by the way, so you can imagine how boring that was. No, really, when I try to have sex with someone, they turned into a ghost and was all, 'You brooooke the cuuuuurse' and I was all, 'I don't care!' and instead of that, the whole town vanished. Stupid fucking town. Anyway, that's how boring a book with one character is. Don't do that."
Because a celebrated children's classic wasn't good enough for your teacher. And, by extension, you. So there. "At minimum, you need two main characters, the good guy and the bad guy. You need a good guy, because that's who your book is about, and a bad guy because a book about everyone getting along is almost as boring as a book about one person. Even the sex--" which she just assumed you all were writing "--gets boring. Three people's a good number, because you have the good guy, the bad guy, and the sex partner, who generally ends up with the good guy." She shrugged. "Don't get me wrong, you can have the good guy and the bad guy bang, and the bad guy and the sex partner bang, and even a menage a trois. That's what the plot is for, figuring out who is banging who and when. And, all the other stuff, like who's getting murdered and who stole the jeweled eyes from the statue in the temple, and all the rest of the plotty bits, but it's the three main characters who push the action forward. Heh. Heh heh heh."
Yes, she was laughing at her own pun. This was Navaan, after all. "Now, people like it best if your bad guy is just evil for no reason, because then no one feels guilty when he or she or zhe or it or they gets killed all ugly like in the climatic--heh heh heh--final scene. Just make sure it's a kind of sexy evil, or else no one's going to believe it when your main character has sex with them for like three chapters. As for your good guy and your sex partner, that's usually easy. Go with people you know. Change some features around so no one can prove anything, make 'em hotter or smarter or whatever, or maybe mashup two people into one, but trust me, it's a lot easier doing that than it is coming up with completely new characters. You have a lot of other things you need to be thinking about, like keeping track of everyone's hands and remembering what is and is not an acceptable lube."
No, seriously, that one was important.
"There are a bunch of other characters you can shove in there, like sidekicks, monks, minions, and fake-death merchants and stuff, but they're not really important. No one cares about them. It's the big three you have to worry about. Once you have those down, everyone else just kind of falls in line."
[Link goes to the famous list of "Things Used As Lube In Fanfiction"]
"So, if you watched last week's movie, you'll know that books with only one character are boring as Vanorva," she said, by way of greeting. "That was a town populated by virgins, by the way, so you can imagine how boring that was. No, really, when I try to have sex with someone, they turned into a ghost and was all, 'You brooooke the cuuuuurse' and I was all, 'I don't care!' and instead of that, the whole town vanished. Stupid fucking town. Anyway, that's how boring a book with one character is. Don't do that."
Because a celebrated children's classic wasn't good enough for your teacher. And, by extension, you. So there. "At minimum, you need two main characters, the good guy and the bad guy. You need a good guy, because that's who your book is about, and a bad guy because a book about everyone getting along is almost as boring as a book about one person. Even the sex--" which she just assumed you all were writing "--gets boring. Three people's a good number, because you have the good guy, the bad guy, and the sex partner, who generally ends up with the good guy." She shrugged. "Don't get me wrong, you can have the good guy and the bad guy bang, and the bad guy and the sex partner bang, and even a menage a trois. That's what the plot is for, figuring out who is banging who and when. And, all the other stuff, like who's getting murdered and who stole the jeweled eyes from the statue in the temple, and all the rest of the plotty bits, but it's the three main characters who push the action forward. Heh. Heh heh heh."
Yes, she was laughing at her own pun. This was Navaan, after all. "Now, people like it best if your bad guy is just evil for no reason, because then no one feels guilty when he or she or zhe or it or they gets killed all ugly like in the climatic--heh heh heh--final scene. Just make sure it's a kind of sexy evil, or else no one's going to believe it when your main character has sex with them for like three chapters. As for your good guy and your sex partner, that's usually easy. Go with people you know. Change some features around so no one can prove anything, make 'em hotter or smarter or whatever, or maybe mashup two people into one, but trust me, it's a lot easier doing that than it is coming up with completely new characters. You have a lot of other things you need to be thinking about, like keeping track of everyone's hands and remembering what is and is not an acceptable lube."
No, seriously, that one was important.
"There are a bunch of other characters you can shove in there, like sidekicks, monks, minions, and fake-death merchants and stuff, but they're not really important. No one cares about them. It's the big three you have to worry about. Once you have those down, everyone else just kind of falls in line."
[Link goes to the famous list of "Things Used As Lube In Fanfiction"]