fandomhigh | Listen Up

I've been told that the youth of today have impressionable minds. This is truly a marvelous thing as I intend to make one hell of an impression. If you're lucky, you'll take something away from this course other than mental scars.

But don't count on it.

I don't want to be here, so I'm a bit on edge. I indulge in recreational drugs, mood swings and the occasional bout of violence. I'm not allowed to actually hurt you physically, so I'm inclined to take it out on you in other ways. If you don't believe in fates worse than death, you will.

So yes. I'm that Spider Jerusalem. I make and break presidents, I avert riots almost as often as I cause them and I'm here as a punishment - probably for us both. Again, don't make me take my frustrations out on you, because I assure you, it will hurt you far more than it will me.

The milk of human kindness has dried up long ago and if you cut me, I bleed acid.

Now to the bad news. Welcome children, for I shall be your Journalism teacher. Yes, I'm famous, but in most places you aren't old enough to read the things that I write, even my daily column. Don't think to kiss up to me if you've read my books - half the world has, and most of them are still morons.

I have a short, required reading list of a few of my shorter columns. Be familiar with them before the first class or be prepared for public humiliation. If you are familiar with my writing, feel free to skip these.

One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven

Now that we know each other, so to speak, feel free to leave any comments or questions below. Assignments are going to be handled as in the real world - unexpectedly and to a deadline.

Complaints of unfairness will get you an automatic F and this is in no way open to interpretation.

With a little luck, you might even learn something.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Excuse me, sir, should it be you I go to in order to enquire about potentially taking photography? I am very interested in zhat aspect of journalism, und Mr. J'onzz directed me to you to ask about it.

Photography? Ah yes.... There's rumor of a school newspaper and we'll be needing a photographer. I do all my own visuals, but I think we can pull something together for you in the way of photojournalism.

What sort of equipment do you use/are you interested in?

Excellent! Und in zer meantime I should be taking your journalism class, yes? I am told I am needing to be taking at least three classes.

Ah. Vell. Zer sort of equipment I use does... not seem to be in very abundant supply here. Vhere I come from zhis practise of taking pictures is usually called iconography, but I haff been doing research und haff learned zhat zer vurd photography is used here instead. Your cameras are much more modern zhan the picture-boxes I am used to, and zer flash is... startling. Ah. I am used to getting light in dark places by using salamanders-- I haff brought a few vith me, zhough I think perhaps I should be checking if zhat is okay? Zhey are not really pets, but if zhere are no animals allowed in zer dorms I can get rid of zhem. Ah. I am sorry, perhaps I am degressing? I am sorry. I usually use salamanders for light, but apparently zer cameras here haff a built-in flash, so I am interested in vurking vith both zhese mediums. I am also interested in experimenting vith zer effects of zer dark light generated by Ubervaldean Land Eels, but I vill not go into zhat unless I am given permission to use zhem in my photography.

According to our somewhat psychopathic principal's rules, as long as you keep the salamanders locked up securely, feed them and make sure they have their shots, you can keep them.

I don't use a regular camera at all, as my glasses are a visual and audio recording medium, but I'm sure we can dig something up around here someplace. Are you interested in work-study, by any chance? I think that having a photographer we can loan out to our ...

Diplomacy is not my forte, damn it.

... aspiring journalists, would be to the advantage of all. It's good experience for reality as well. Pictures can make or break a story, or a career and having to negotiate for a photographer can be an interesting experience.

It can also lead to totally spurious charges of kidnapping and extortion but into every life a little rain must fall.

Talk to the guy in the computer lab. See if he knows where we can dig up some equipment for you.

Ah. So, I am to understand zhat... I can do vurk-study for you? I vould like to start a photography club as vell, but I vould be very happy to do photography for zer student journalists, und possibly for zer yearbook as vell.

I vill go talk to Mr. Q, zhen, about getting some of zer cameras zhat are offered around here. Since I am allowed to keep my salamanders (und by extension zer eels, I expect), may I also presume zhat I can carry out my photography in both zer iconographic methods I am used to und zer vay it appears to be done here?

The more I think about it, the more a photographer strikes me as an excellent idea. We'll have to have a chat after the class where I talk about bribery and extortion, however. I'll want a ten percent cut of whatever you make off the take when it comes down to a bidding war for your services.

You'll be needing a dark room of some sort, I'm guessing. I'm sure we can get you an extra room in the dorms for that. Half the school seems determined to live off-campus.

Ah. Yes. I am not very clear on money, so I should be very happy to haff zhat talk. Thank you very much for zer offer.

Und thank you even more for zhat offer. I am thinking it vould not be easy to get me a room on a lower level, vould it? I vould very much appreciate a cellar to use as my darkroom, but if zhat cannot be arranged I understand completely.

Otto, would you perhaps like to dorm with me? That way you could have an entirely separate room to use as a darkroom, but you could keep your schoolwork and things that you didn't want near your equipment in the room. We seem to share quite a few classes, too, so we could help each other with anything that was needed.

Oh, zhat is a very good idea.

Vill you run it by whoever it is zhat needs to know zhese things? I vould very much appreciate it, und it seems like a good arrangement.

Yes, it would be nice, I think.

~~Hah, my iconographer.~~

I'll talk to the principal.

Listen Up

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