fandomhigh | 20th Century Food Crimes, Friday 5/19, First Period

"Hey, everyone," Summer greeted from the front of the classroom with that usual beatific grin that brightened her face whenever she was put into a position of clear power over people's palate and taste buds. "Glad to see we didn't scare you off too badly last week, and to reward you for your perseverance, we're going to be looking into something that might be a little less obviously food crime, and putting it up for debate, focused around one main question: is it a food crime to claim to be one thing while very obviously not being that thing?"

“Like how cheesecake isn’t a cake?” Stark, full of foolish hope, asked.

"No," said Summer, unapologetic. Well, maybe a little bit, because it did feel like this was going to be particularly insulting since they involved pie, two of which were revealed dramatically with the lift of a couple of cloches. "More like when an apple pie is not really an apple pie, or maybe when a pecan pie is not really a pecan pie?"

“Not like when Boston Cream Pie isn’t a pie?” Poor Stark. He was trying! He sighed. “I didn’t really think so.”

"More like when when a pie is still a pie," Summer reiterated helpfully, "but uses stuff like Ritz crackers and pinto beans! Let's get started!"

“There shouldn’t be beans in pie,” Stark told her. “The crackers weren’t terrible the last time, at least.”

"Look on the bright side," Summer offered. "At least they're not green beans."

Ooh, she should make a green bean pie.

“Please don’t make a green bean pie,” Stark said quickly, giving his fellow teacher a pleading look. He couldn’t read narrative but he knew Summer fairly well.

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Looking like something you're not

Crackers? And pinto beans? In my vintage pie recipes?

It's more common than you think!

Give each of the pie recipes a try, or, better yet, if you know any other 'mock' pie recipes, share them! And discuss whether or not this should be allowed in the court of food law.

(Even if the cracker apple pie is weirdly delicious, somehow).

Suggesting other things that shouldn’t be in pies is not recommended at this time.

Pfft. It is always the time for suggesting things that shouldn't go into pie.

Summer, at least, was so totally here for it.

And amazingly recovered from the last few days as if they never happened, apparently.

Stark did not need any suggestions, thank you.

He was eating a slice of the fake apple pie though. Happily, even.

"Feeling better?" Stark asked. "You look better. Rested."

Like she hadn't overheard any awkward paintball conversations, too!

If Summer had overheard anything yesterday after getting shot, she was dutifully pretending she hadn't. She had been in the midst of am absolute tragedy at the time.

"I do feel better," she confirmed. "Thank you. The onsen really helped, I think."

Raiden

Raiden was thinking really hard about how to make a green bean pie taste good without just cheating and making it a savory pie based on green bean casserole.

It was good that Summer had that tragedy to distract her from Stark desperately and unconvincingly insisting that they were just friends!

"Good. I'm glad. Maybe next Tuesday you ought to... go a little easier on yourself? Something a little less intense."

He'd stay away if he needed to. Since they were friends and all.

"I've never been to the onsen." Try and contain your shock, Summer.

"Well, the mock apple pie is just a chemical reaction," Raiden said. "But Ritz crackers are delicious all on their own so I never really saw the point."

"Yeah, no," Summer agreed wholeheartedly. "Definitely pushing for a chill day next week..."

And you know...not doing extra sprints in the locker room, at least.

"And you should go! It's nice! I mean, especially when you need it. Actually, probably mostly if you need it. Because you always run the risk of running into Shunsui there, not that you would have to worry about that, and that is where the whole Leroy thing started, but, you know what? Worth it."

Sprinting could be saved for another day! Or maybe there could be a slower workout instead.

"Someone has told me before that I need to relax more," Stark pointed out. "Maybe I ought to try that. Relaxing there. I'm doing better at relaxing other times, I think."

He'd been very nicely relaxed in space last week!

"Although Leroy might try to drown me if he spends time there."

"....I might actually pay to see something like that," Summer decided, after a moment.

What? It's not like he was...that likely to succeed!

"You want to watch Leroy try and drown me?" Stark asked, eyebrow raised.

"Unless you just mean we could go together."

Since space spa was off the table for a bit.

"I'd rather not drown."

"I'm pretty sure you can take Leroy, Stark," said Summer, with a...fairly confident smirk.

"He hasn't won so far," Stark said. "Though he has tried attacking. I still don't want to drown him either."

There was a pause, the sort that might have suggested that she was considering saying that that would be fine, as an outcome. Possibly even ideal!

"...okay, that's fair, I guess," she said, instead, generously, kindly. "I don't think they'd allow attempted drowning in there anyway."

"Most businesses," Stark said, "dislike murders happening there. Most."

Was it really murder on that case or was it more of a public service?

"Not if it's a murder business," said Summer. "That'd be their whole jam."

And that was when it probably became clear that a good amount of painkillers might be to thank for her current level of fine-ness.

Steve Rogers

"I've had mock apple pie before!" Steve said happily. "The lady in the next apartment over brought one by for my mom's birthday back in the 1920s."

"I don't think we have any of those on the island...I would have noticed by now."

The island had a vanishingly small number of deaths for which Stark remained very grateful.

"I'll try to avoid any killing if I can help it."

Gray

"That was so nice of your neighbor!" exclaimed the resident golden retriever in person form.

"It really was," Steve agreed. "No one had anything, so we shared what little we found."

20th Century Food Crimes, Friday 5/19, First Period

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