Summer Smith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
somethingwithturquoise) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2022-06-17 05:49 am
somethingwithturquoise) wrote in fandomhigh2022-06-17 05:49 am
Entry tags:
Ancient Food Crimes; Friday, First Period [06/17].
"Pie!" Summer started, with exuberance, standing before her offerings today already set out and revealed on the counter top. No dramatic cloche reveal today, baby! She was putting her monstrosities out front and center today, to really emphasize the theme with the five completely innocent-looking (well, except the one, but we'll get to it!) baked goods before them. "Who doesn't love pie? Some might argue that it's nearly a perfect food. Nearly. Today, we might just prove that concept wrong.
"Because today," she continued, twirling a fork in one hand while wielding a smirk, "we're going to take into account four cases of Crimes against Pie-manity and discuss whether these offenses are forgiveable or whether they are things to never be spoken of again. With Exhibit A, I present to you a truly depressing vision from the Great Depression, the vinegar pie! We're following that up with a dish I'm not sure I should be honored or offended to share a name with, the Summer Salad Pie, which brings to the table the classic combo of jello and tuna...you love to see it.
"Now this beauty," she said, moving onto the one that, yes, you could now confirm it, absolutely had fish sticking out of it, "actually is a bit more ancient, with roots back to the 16th century, and is called a stargazy pie. It almost looks too good to eat, right? And, after that, we have a thoroughly modern food crime, actually, but I'm including it today because I always want to make it when I'm high and time has no meaning, and I sincerely hope this will be joining the annals of terrible food for many a century to come, we have the Cool Ranch Dorito and onion pie.
"Lastly," she concluded in her tour of horrors, "I realized all these pies so far were savory, which might tell you that it's difficult to mess up a fruit pie and make it bad, so for the sake of comparison, I did also whip up a mid-centry fruit cocktail pie, which may, while a little cringe in concept may prove my point, but I would love to see if any of you know of any more heinous fruit pie crimes to contribute to our exhibits thus far."
"Because today," she continued, twirling a fork in one hand while wielding a smirk, "we're going to take into account four cases of Crimes against Pie-manity and discuss whether these offenses are forgiveable or whether they are things to never be spoken of again. With Exhibit A, I present to you a truly depressing vision from the Great Depression, the vinegar pie! We're following that up with a dish I'm not sure I should be honored or offended to share a name with, the Summer Salad Pie, which brings to the table the classic combo of jello and tuna...you love to see it.
"Now this beauty," she said, moving onto the one that, yes, you could now confirm it, absolutely had fish sticking out of it, "actually is a bit more ancient, with roots back to the 16th century, and is called a stargazy pie. It almost looks too good to eat, right? And, after that, we have a thoroughly modern food crime, actually, but I'm including it today because I always want to make it when I'm high and time has no meaning, and I sincerely hope this will be joining the annals of terrible food for many a century to come, we have the Cool Ranch Dorito and onion pie.
"Lastly," she concluded in her tour of horrors, "I realized all these pies so far were savory, which might tell you that it's difficult to mess up a fruit pie and make it bad, so for the sake of comparison, I did also whip up a mid-centry fruit cocktail pie, which may, while a little cringe in concept may prove my point, but I would love to see if any of you know of any more heinous fruit pie crimes to contribute to our exhibits thus far."
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