Student Assembly, Wednesday afternoon, September 9, 2020

[sith_happened]

Well, there wasn't an obstacle course this week, so things were looking up, right, students? Maybe? A little?

Anakin made his way to the front of the stage, holding out a piece of paper he'd received from the office. "Today we have some very special guests," he began, "so everyone shut up and listen to them, right? We have--" he read from the paper, "--Mikhail Robespierre and Janet, presenting about moral philosophy. Ethics students, I very much expect you to be paying attention."

Comments

Voluntold - Mae

[demonic_cockroach]

"Hello cat-person!" Janet said with a cheerful wave.

"Mihail" smiled. "In front of you is a switch that allows you to change the track you are on. You cannot stop the car as the brakes are not working and the momentum will not allow you to slow down. You can either stay on this course and knock over the five teddy bears or change course to knock over the one. What do you choose?”

Re: Voluntold - Mae

[thishouseishaunted]

"I'm not a cat, lady," Mae told Janet.

She looked at the switch. She looked at the bears.

"Why the fuck would you have a picnic in the middle of trolley tracks?"

Re: Voluntold - Mae

[demonic_cockroach]

"That's okay," Janet said with a cheerful grin. "I'm not a lady."

Mikhail cleared his throat. "Um. Yes. Well the whole idea here is to make the thought experiment more palatable and wholesome for a teenage mind."

Mikhail had no idea what a teenage mind was like.

Re: Voluntold - Mae

[thishouseishaunted]

"Have you ever actually met a teenager?" Mae asked. "We're, like. Chaos incarnate. Just, big bubbling balls of hormones who want to test all our limits by doing things like running over teddybears in trolleys."

She reached up and flipped the controls to steer the trolley towards the solo bear. Then flipped it back. Then did it again, and again and again at a rapid pace, until it was anybody's guess which way the trolley would go when it finally got to the split in the track.

If the bears didn't know enough to clear out of the way at the sound of her manic cackling, they deserved what they got.

Re: Voluntold - Mae

[demonic_cockroach]

"Oh. Wait. So you see-"

But at this point there was no turning back. And based on the random number generator chosen by the person behind the keyboard, the track switched and plowed over the one bear who exploded into a ball of fluff and glitter. The glittered briefly formed the letters "No harm done!" and floated to the floor.

Mikhail sighed and then blinked in realization. "Oh! I see! By making this random you let fate decide instead of yourself! Very ingenious!"

Re: Voluntold - Mae

[thishouseishaunted]

". . . Yes," Mae said, nodding slowly. "That was totally my plan all along. I'm not disappointed I didn't somehow manage to run over all six bears by sheer willpower."

Re: Voluntold - Mae

[demonic_cockroach]

"Well to do that you'd need a long pole with a blade on the end of it so-"

Janet cleared her throat. "Mikhail..."

"Oh, right," Mikhail said with an embarrassed cough. "Never mind that. Well done Mae!"

He turned to the audience. "Let's give Mae a round of applause shall we?"

Re: Voluntold - Mae

[thishouseishaunted]

"Wait, no, what was that about the pole?"

Re: Voluntold - Mae

[demonic_cockroach]

"Nothing at all!" Mikhail replied as he applauded trying to move things a long. "Three cheers for Mae!"

Janet gave a polite golf clap behind Mikhail for Mae as well.