fandomhigh | Introduction to Law Enforcement, Monday

"Well, hello, children."

Lucifer was clad in an impeccable black suit with a red vest and - of course - matching pocket square. He was also clad in the world's broadest insincere smile. "My name is Lucifer Morningstar, though you can call me Beelzebub in a pinch if you prefer," he began, with his heavy posh British accent in full swing. "I'll be your - ugh, I can't believe this - teacher for this semester in all things law enforcement."

A pause.

"I am not a cop, mind you. No, the cops have their own ways of going about this sort of thing, they can just be so... limited. A tragic thing, because finding the wicked, punishing them, that's no small task for any human to bear. Sometimes you won't get where you need to be with a dour face and your best Miranda-ing shout, you need wit and charm and a willingness to trade some trivial bit of evidence for more insight."

He was keeping his distance from the children. They seemed hateful.

"But that'll be next week's lesson. I've been told by this lovely brochure that the first week is introductions and I don't actually have to do anything." He gestured at a random student. "You. Your name, your class, and... ah, I don't know. Someone wicked you've once punished?" His expression went... difficult. "Or just tell us what you desire most from these next few months, whatever suits your fancy."

He sprawled in his seat, eyeing the class with a mixture of casual disdain and genuine concern.

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"My name is Delirium and I'm in this class," she announced proudly, able to follow that question all to the end! "Um.. I don't punish wicked people much. That's not my job." She gave Lucifer a funny look, "That's kind of .. someone else's job? But not mine. I don't like wicked people much, though. They're mean. Well, mostly? Sometimes they're not mean but just scared or sad or hurt inside and confused and they do bad things and.. well. What was I saying?"

"You were answering what you'd done to punish someone wicked, or what you desire most from the next two months," Barnabas prompted.

"Oh," Delirium replied, "Um. I.. want to understand. That's why I'm in school. To understand people better." Beat. "I think."

Oh, it was her again. That strange, disconcerting creature.

Lucifer righted himself. "Is it working?" he drawled.

Delirium hummed a little tune to herself and fidgeted with the tattered sleeve of the fishnet top that covered her arms. Distracted for a moment by the way a thread had escaped and looked like a tiny black snake - hiss!

But she did answer. Even without Barnabas nudging her.

"Yes," she said softly, "Yes it is. Before, um. I know people who are mine? I know all of mine. I always know them. I know everything about them. They're easy to talk to because they've been to my Realm and sometimes even sorta always are so when I see them I always know them. It would be rude if I didn't. Very very very very very very verrrrryyyyyy very rude. Big rude. Mean rude. So I do. Only sometimes do I know people who are also someone else's. Mostly my big sister because everyone is hers, everyone at all is always hers, and sometimes my brother's too. Sometimes the twins. Usually only one of the twins. Our realms sort of overlap. She's nice. Most people don't think she's nice but she is. She takes care of people in her Realm just as much as the rest of us. Um. But. Um. Sort of.. her Realm.. um. Well. It's not a very nice Realm? It's not her fault. It's just how it is. She doesn't make it that way. I like the rats. Rats are nice, they're very smart and their whiskers tickle and their little squichy noses are cute. They gotta use their noses, you know. Their eyesight is reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly bad. Um."

She stared at the wall for a moment. Then continued. "Um. So. Yeah. I know them. I understand them. Those people. But those people are all sort of the sames-y sort of people even when they're different people. That's how it always is, you know. They wouldn't be there if it weren't true. So it's true. But I never really talked to the other more different people, the ones who aren't? Everyone's my sisters. Everyone. But not everybody's mine."

Another small hum. Pat of Barnabas' head. "The people here, they mostly aren't, you know. Even when other people think they are. They're not. I'd know. I'm getting to know them, though, in another more different way than I'd know them if they were. The how and why and what and who and everything of them. Sometimes they're nice and sometimes they're not so nice but nobody's been really mean that I've seen. They're all just people."

Fidget. Play with Barnabas' head again until he poked her with his nose. "But that's a lot, just being a people. Because they gotta be a person first, and person.. that's complicated. It's different and unique and messy for everyone. I won't ever understand everybody because I won't meet everybody. I'm not her, not my sister, she meets everybody. I don't. That's not my job. But here I can meet lots of different persons and that's helping me understand people a little better. A little itty bitty bit, a smidgen bit, an oonze bit, just a tiny little itty bitty bit of a bit better than I did before."

Beat.

"Yes," she said again, "It's working. I think."

Long, long pause.

"Well, I'm happy for you," he said, insincerely. "Keep doing what you're doing, I suppose."

Delirium smiled back but hers was sincere. "Kinda gotta," she shrugged, "That's how learning works. Stopping won't help me learn people better."

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