fandomhigh | Bad Ass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, Second Period [08/28].

Entry tags:

survival skills

Bad Ass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, Second Period [08/28].

It took an awful lot out of Rosa to get her butt over to the school that morning, as evidenced by the fact that she didn't come strolling into the classroom until a few minutes after it was supposed to start, having clearly made a pit-stop at the Perk after considering not showing up at all. There's your first lesson, kids, don't waste your time on stupid stuff. But she had to do it. Not only because she was being weirdly blackmailed to do it with her job, but she'd also ribbed Captain Tightpants about making it through his first week, so it would be pretty lame if she couldn't do the same.

"Ugh," she said, when she walked in to find that there were, in fact, students there, despite her hopes that maybe they'd all forget or skip or be trapped in a weird shadow realm in the woods again, "you're here."

So she chugged the last of her coffee, tossed the cup into the waste bin by the desk, and sighed. "Okay. Bad Ass Bitch Survival Guide. I'm assuming you're taking this class either because it sounded cool, which it is, or because you're being forced to, in which case, hey, you could do a lot worse. I know the first week is usually about introductions, so your teachers can know who you are and you can get to know your classmates, but honestly? I don't care. I don't care who you are, and I probably wouldn't remember anyway, and if I do remember who you are, it's usually not a good thing. There's a lot to be said, though, about being someone you aren't."

Rosa turned around and wrote in big letters "EMILY GOLDFINCH" on the board.

"That," she explained, "was my favorite secret identity until one of this island's weird weekends screwed it up for me, at least around here. There's a good chunk of people who know me by this name and only this name, and it's been invaluable to survival...not just of my sanity, but also of other people. Emily works at a soup kitchen, she runs a book club, teaches yoga, and is known around her building for her bright and bubbly personality."

Which you could totally picture right now, too, she was sure.

"She's got papers, legal documents, that means I can go anywhere in the world as Emily Goldfinch and do practically anything without it coming back later and even touching Rosa Diaz. So today, you've got...." She glanced at her watch. "Five minutes. Gimme a good secret identity, and if she's believable enough, you can go. Any questions? It's not that hard. You're wasting time. Let's go."

Rosa pulled out the chair of the desk, sat down, and kicked up her feet, arms folding, occasionally checking her watch for what was possibly the slowest five minutes of her entire life.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

With your actual name.

Ce'na.

But she's writing down Vette anyway.

In Aurebesh, sorry.

Sabine Wren

Nina

Lana Beniko

Gratuity Tucci

Yang Xiao Long

~~Pelessaria B'Sayle~~ It's just Peebee. REALLY.

Uma ~~daughter of Ursula~~

Paris Geller ~~God help you~~

Ringo Noyamano

Short and sweet, though maybe random and not having that much to do with survival, but what do you want? An actual well-thought out and topical class?

Yeah, Vette figured she could appreciate any class that started with a good secret identity. She and her gang already ran around with those, after all. Kept any of what they were doing from getting back to the families they couldn't find themselves.

What? Hopefully nobody thought that Twi'lek parents were going to name their kids things like Taunt or Plasmajack. That'd be stupid.

... Flash's name wasn't too bad. Whatever.

"Alright," Rosa said, though technically it had only been four minutes, but she wanted to get this over with, "that's time. Someone come up and get started, tell us your secret identity and a little about them, and if it doesn't suck, you can go."

Even if it sucked, she was going to let them go, honestly. And, hey, what kid didn't like getting out of class early?

"Seku T'ardona," Vette introduced herself, in a tone that would be best suited to a bored teenager chewing bubblegum and filing her nails behind the cash register at a Blockbuster. "Made it into one of those fancy schools on Coruscant for the kids of high-ranking Republic officials, but got bored with it and took off to, like, follow my destiny or whatever? Made it all the way to Zeltros before daddy caught up to me. Too bad. The boys are cuter on Zeltros. Or maybe that's just the pheromones, I don't, like, actually care which it is. End result's the same."

Now, that was a lot of nonsense words that sounded completely made up, but the girl was blue with head tails, so who even knew? But there was definitely something universal in that tone that got a good snort out of Rosa.

"Yeah, okay, Seku, sure. You're good. Get outta here."

Vette didn't have to be told twice. She just lifted her chin a little in acknowledgment, and then stood and made her way to the door.

Hey, all classes should be this easy.

There was really no point in Lana trying for a secret identity back home; it would be fairly obvious to anybody who she was. But now she was thinking of how it might work.

Well, might as well go for broke and use what she knew.

She put on her calmest face and stood up, folding her hands in front of her. "Venka Lohni, Jedi Knight. I've spent most of my life on Coruscant in the Temple; it's strange to be out meeting other people now."

Rosa's head tilted a little, because she, detective that she was, couldn't help wonder if she'd inadvertently designed an activity that actually ended up telling her more about these students than she wanted to know by deducing what they might be like when they were trying to create someone that wasn't them.

...nah. Whatever.

"Coruscant, huh?" A popular fake-sounded but maybe real place, apparently. "Maybe you and the blue girl can be friends. But not today. Out you go, Venka."

Lana bowed solemnly and headed for the door.

"Grace," Tip said, using the name she'd gone with when she got tired of explaining why she was named Gratuity. "Grace -- Lightbody. I have a younger brother named JayJay and a foster sister named Andromeda. My foster mom, Vicki, is a super big space nerd."

"Gotta be careful with too many family members, there," Rosa said, quirking a brow. "It's either going to be a lot of extra work on your part, or just that much easier for someone to find a hole in the story. Unless they're all dead." Don't even get Emily started on her dead sister. "Death certificates are pretty easy to fake."

Rosa, please stop encouraging kids to forge documents.

"But that's good enough." She jerked her head toward the door. "Get outta here, Grace."

Tip decided against saying that all three of those people were real, and that "Grace" and "JayJay" were names she'd started using on the fly when she and her alien friend had to stay under the radar in Roswell. Rosa seemed like the sort who'd appreciate her keeping all that close to her chest.

"Aye aye, Ms. Goldfinch. See you next week."

Um, wow, okay. This was totally outside Yang's skillset.

Of course she had a fake ID making her old enough to drink, but not, like, a fake identity.

"Violet Branwen," she said, throwing up a peace sign at Rosa. Whatever, Qrow could handle anything that bounced back on him, and Raven--

Whatever.

"Though most people call me 'Blondie', 'cause, duh," she said, gesturing to her hair. "I don't particularly like it, but it's not really worth the fight to make them stop, right?"

AHAHAHAHA. Yang Xiao Long passing up a fight. Ruby would laugh herself sick to hear this.

That peace sign almost made Rosa regret this entire activity. Almost. It was pretty great, really, watch these kids act like dorks then kick them out. Perfect class.

"Yeah," she said dryly, "who'd want to get in a fight, right? Better hightail it on out of here before anyone tries to test you on that, Blondie."

Benefit of coming from a place nobody knew about? Uma didn't have to make anything up. She could just borrow somebody else's identity.

"I'm Freddie Facilier," Uma said, letting her voice slip into a slow drawl that wouldn't sound out of place in the streets of New Orleans. "Before coming here, I attended Auradon Prep and helped out at my dad's store. I'm learning to be a bokor, just like him."

"I'm Rory Gilmore," Paris lied, making her eyes big and heartfelt. She could pull this off for three minutes, right? "I'm from Stars Hollow, Connecticut, and if you think it sounds like a place that has a festival for everything and everyone knows everyone, you'd be right!"

Ugh, being perky was the worst. She smiled--well, gritted her teeth in what she hoped looked sincere--and added, "You should totally come to the big Pumpkin Spice Festival next weekend! There's a corn maze!"

Ringo looked a little unsure of herself. "Is it, you know, cheating, if I've already got one?" Or two or three.

Technically her "real" name was fake, too, but that's what happened when you were raised in an underground lab and had to find a way to fit into society after you and your siblings burned the thing to the ground.

Okay, sure, yeah, if you want to, but it's your funeral.

I am seriously doubting my ability to get through work today...

I would like to note for the record that I wrote Cristina's first class, to be posted tomorrow, before this post went up and the similarities folks will find between the two classes in structure and snark are just because Rosa and Cristina clearly share a brain.

Thank you, Universe, for confirming this week what I have suspected about these two ALL ALONG.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Bad Ass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, Second Period [08/28].

Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Sign In - BABSG, 08/28.

Listen to the Lecture - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Listen to the Lecture - BABSG, 08/28.

Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: Introductions - BABSG, 08/28.

Talk to the Teacher - BABSG, 08/28.

OOC - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: OOC - BABSG, 08/28.

Re: OOC - BABSG, 08/28.