fandomhigh | Learnin' with Mr. Peanutbutter, Thursday, period 1

Arriving at the classroom, the students would find a sign on the door instructing them to meet out on the "quad". Was there a quad at Fandom? Probably not, to be honest. But leaving the school building, they'd eventually find Mr. Peanutbutter on a broad expanse of grass between the classrooms and the dorms. He had forgone his hipster glasses and tweed jacket, instead wearing just his usual track pants and tshirt combination.

He had a whistle hanging around his neck, though.

Foreboding.

"Welcome back!" he greeted expansively, arms spread. "I hope you all had a wonderful and relaxing fall break, full of only the most entertaining and cinematic of adventures." Sure. That's what breaks were about. "Today I thought it was time to tackle one of the most important, yet divisive of school subjects: physical education." He clasped his hands behind his back and began to pace in front of the gathered students, looking thoughtful. "It was Baron Pierre de Coubertin who first emphasized the importance of sport in modern education. He thought it so important, in fact, that he even founded the modern Olympic games. They were quite a fiasco for several years, but that didn't undermine his point: learning from books was all well and good, but nothing beat some time applying that learning out in the field. The ball field!"

Baron Pierre de Coubertin was a subject of a whole episode of Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities What Do They Know Do They Know Things Let's Find Out. In case anyone was wondering why Mr. Peanutbutter suddenly seemed to know something.

"Today we're going to play one of the great classics of scholastic sporting." Mr. Peanutbutter picked up a red rubber ball. "Dodgeball! Now, I know, I know." He held up a hand. "This is the sort of game that either you love, or you hate. But then, so is math and reading, and I already covered both of those subjects, so dodgeball gets a week, too." Because you could totally cover all of math and reading in a week. "We're not going to play any old ordinary version of dodgeball though, no, not when we only just learned about Baron Pierre de Coubertin! We're going to play Greek dodgeball."

That's right, that wiki entry is titled "Prisonball". Buckle up, kids.

"The main difference between traditional dodgeball and Greek dodgeball is that you are never truly out. When you get hit by a ball, or someone catches a ball that you threw, you go to the other team's 'prison' on the borders of their territory. From there, if you catch a stray ball, you can hit one of your opponents with it and get back 'in'." That's right, so a winning team could potentially find themselves attacked on four fronts. Best game ever. "Why, I've seen a team come back from a near devastating loss to win the whole game by getting balls to the prisoners in a timely manner. There's just no telling what might happen!"

And just no escaping the possibility of being pelted in the head by a large red rubber ball.

Fun!

"Now I know team picking can be a little bit tough for the less popular students, so never fear: I've assigned you to teams based on who arrived at class first. It's the only fair way to do it." He quickly pointed out the teams, then directed them to either side of the game field, marked out by little orange cones to indicate both sides' "in" zones, and their prisons. Then he blew his whistle as loud as he could. "Let's get physicaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!"

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Counting off 1 and 2

Peridot - 1

Faith, 2

Xanthippe Voorhees, 1

Hanna Heller, 2

Feel that growing sense of existential dread

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!

1s on one side, 2s on the other.

Peridot squinted as she contemplated... the ball. She didn't exactly see the point to this activity, but she supposed she would, at the very least, be a more difficult target than she had been before.

She hoped.

Look out, Peridot. Ball coming your way! *whooooooooosh*

Peridot let out an indignant squawk at the incoming ball, trying to scamper out of the way of it and mostly just succeeding in falling down.

This wasn't going to stop her from her escape. It just meant that now she was running away on all fours.

Hanna had to pause and watch the speed-crawling, and say, "I should probably throw this at you when you're down, but..."

"I'll never stay down!" Satisfied that she'd evaded the ball, Peridot was up on her feet again, and throwing her arms up in the air. "Your primitive human bounce-projectiles are no match for my compact stature and enthusiastic escape strategies!"

Yeah, that made it a lot easier for Hanna to shoot the ball toward Peridot's legs at speed. "Prove it!"

... It would be really hard to prove it with the ball rocketing Peridot's legs out from under her. Down she went.

"Aaagh! Defeated! The lovable Peridot, thwarted by spherical rubber!"

Hanna was laughing now, because the dramatics were too amusing not to laugh about.

"To the jail cell with you, my enemy! March!"

...and hard to resist joining in on.

"Never!" Up went one arm into the air again. "You might have knocked my feet out from under me, but I'll never be your prisoner!"

Peridot. Peridot, you knew how the game was played. You were right there listening to the explanation.

Hanna advanced with the ball under one arm, and grabbed for Peridot's raised hand with the other, ready to start dragging.

Hopefully it wasn't going to be too obvious how effortless that was for her.

"If you won't go peacefully, you'll be delivered like a package!"

Well, given that Peridot was maybe three feet tall and had been picked up and carried around like a ragdoll on more than one occasion since the loss of her limb enhancers already, that lack of effort was most likely a given, anyway.

"Never! Unhand me, you fiend! You don't know what it is you're trifling with!"

... A short green person who was also a rock. That was basically it.

"Prisoner, hush," Hanna ordered, trying to stifle giggles. "You have the right to remain silent. Use it!" Drag drag draaaag, and then added as she dropped Peridot in 'jail', "I'm trifling with a wounded warrior, and now I'm going to go hit some more of your side."

"Ha, the joke's on you," Peridot crowed, even as she stayed in the jail area as though the borders of it were actual, physical barriers. "I'm no warrior! You've wasted precious time, sphere-wielder! My team's true power has yet to be destroyed, thanks to me, the clever diversion!"

Which she'd just decided she was. Based entirely on the fact that she wasn't some variety of Quartz.

It made sense if you were a Peridot.

Hanna looked around quickly, looking for whatever she was being distracted from by Peridot.

...yeah, that was not at all obvious.

"Really?" she asked, looking for a way to head back into the fray. "I'll be sure to duck and cover. When that happens. If it happens."

Faith was actually happy with this class for once, and she was ready to kick ass at dodgeball. She darted around her side of the court in an effort to make herself too fast to hit without actually having to throw the ball herself (the best offense is a good defense?) until her team was whittled down to fewer players remaining.

Be prepared for him to answer purely in whistles

We used to play Greek dodge at my summer camp. I KILLED at that game. I was terrible at all things physical, but damn if I couldn't catch a big rubber ball and/or peg an enemy player from behind while in "prison".

I was a menace, I tells ya. A menace!

Learnin' with Mr. Peanutbutter, Thursday, period 1

Sign in

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Listen to the lecture

Dodge some balls!

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Talk to Mr. Peanutbutter

OOC