fandomhigh | Supervillainy and You! Friday, Period 1

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villains and villainy

Supervillainy and You! Friday, Period 1

Class was meeting in the Danger Shop today. Why? Because this was a class about being a damn supervillain and Fred was able to program the thing to be exactly the kind of damn supervillain secret lair he always wanted.

Sure, it looked basically just like an abandoned warehouse with a big round table over there. But there were also arcade games. And it wasn't until the bell rang that Fred was going to turn away from the arcade games.

Sorry. Not Fred. Boomerang. Despite the mask being off. Look, if he was going to have the boomerang harness on his back, you were going to call him Boomerang.

"Hi. You're in this class because you're either a super-villain to be or a person interested in super-villain culture for some reason," Fred said. Shut up, it's shorter to type. YOU have to call him Boomerang. "Narcs. ANYWAY, you're surely wondering what I could possibly know about villainy. And if you are, you need more schooling than I can give you. Hell, I owned up to it in my class description."

"My name is Fred, but I'm known professionally as Boomerang. Figure out why. Start with the accent and work your way down the list," Fred sighed. "Burglary, bodyguarding, corporate espionage, the occasional assassination...." He had his Assassin's Guild card in his wallet right now. "One time I got together with some buddies and started a supervillain gang called the Sinister Syndicate. And it sucked. Got our asses kicked all the damn time by Spider-Man."

"You might be thinking that this is some kind of scared straight thing. Nah, that's not me. I start out over here," Fred pulled a boomerang and threw it forward. "And then I end up back here, in a slightly different place. I've gone hero a couple times recently, as a member of the Heavy Hitters and the Thunderbolts. So what am I now? Hero? Villain? Neither. I'm a teacher. Here to hit you with the heavy truths."

He was literally leading the Sinister Six last year. He was a liar is what he was now.

"And since this is the end of your first week, that means introductions. Origins," Fred said, making sure he sounded as wise as possible while saying it. "Tell me your name. Then tell me your codename. And then tell me why you're here and what you want to learn about supervillainy. Ask a good question and I might even give you a good answer."

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EVIL!

Isabela

Velma Martinez

Peridot

Rufus Shinra

FN-2187

Rey

Note that he didn't tell you that his name when he was on the Heavy Hitters was "Outback." He wasn't sure who to blame for that exactly, but Norman Osborn sure was a bag of dicks. He that's who Fred was blaming in general.

Not paying all that much attention to the teacher because you were nursing a hangover from seeing what fun you could have in Stormwind the previous night was pretty villainous, right?

Because Isabela was getting off to a great start if it was.

Edited 2016-05-13 05:04 (UTC)

Velma was once again asking herself why she'd signed up for this class. She was out of the hero circuit. Good guy, bad guy, it didn't matter. She was a civilian now and that was what counted.

So why was she here? Stupidity. She was here because of stupidity.

Peridot still couldn't figure out why Fred was called 'Boomerang.' But then, Peridot wasn't exactly from around here, either.

She was squinting a little bit at the lecture, though. If he and his sinister friends wound up kicked so often, what made this human qualified to be teaching this class? Was this a case of 'if you can't do, teach?'

Name! Villain name if you've got one or want one! Why are you here? What do you want to learn? You're SHIELD, aren't you? That's why you signed up, admit it!

"Isabela. Queen of the Eastern Seas." That sounded impressive, didn't it? Isabela thought so. "Pirate."

"Legit pirate with a boat by the docks or person who downloads things off the internet?" Fred checked. He was pretty sure he hadn't asked about that last semester. Did he even know she was a pirate last semester? There was no way to ever check and find out.

"Have a ship." In fact, she wished she was there right now.

"Hey, congrats on the boat," Fred said. "So do you actually pillage and plunder and stuff?"

What? He didn't know many pirates. He wanted to find out what stereotypes were true.

"And what are your thoughts on ninjas?"

"No crew," Isabela said as if that explained everything. "What're ninjas?"

"Your mortal enemies, if the internet ten years ago wasn't filled with liars," Fred sighed.

"Velma Martinez. Codenamed..." She heaved a sigh. "Codename Velveteen." Because Marketing had thought it would be, well, marketable. And they'd been right. "And I'm here because I'm stupid, that's why."

Best explanation she had, really.

"That's what school's about. You're stupid, then you learn things," Fred said, presumably changing her life. "The more you know."

"I should have learned to leave well-enough alone by now," Velma said, treasuring that tip for always. "And yet, here I am."

"Oh, that's something nobody ever learns how to do. And that's what keeps life fun!" Fred said. "Assuming the things you can't leave alone are fun things. Here's another tip: make those things fun things."

"Peridot, Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG," Peridot introduced herself, not possessive of a codename but not particularly bothered by that fact. Her name was what she was, after all. "And I'm here because my ship was destroyed by a group of misguided traitorous clods who think of themselves as heroes, and when I landed here, I was already enrolled in this class."

So, less because she wanted to defeat said traitors, and more because there had been paperwork about it. Close enough, right?

"Shorten it to Face Cut and the name is only mostly awful," Fred said. "But sealable! I have a lacky who calls himself Overdrive and he's mostly happy with his life!"

He wasn't going to complain about clerical errors signing people into his class. That was as legitimate as anything.

"Face Cut?" Peridot wrinkled her nose a little bit. "That doesn't set me apart from anybody else from Homeworld. At least call me Peridot and leave out every Jasper, Quartz, and variety of corundum that ever existed."

Honestly, now. A Gem that didn't have a facet... was probably a Pearl. And Peridot wasn't even going to get started on those.

"You know you're talking nonsense, right?" Fred checked, looking genuinely confused. "Is any of it supposed to make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense to a Gem," Peridot replied, a touch curtly. "A Peridot isn't a Ruby or a Sapphire or a Diamond. Obviously."

They were all fairly out of a Peridot's league, really.

"I'm FN-2187 and I don't understand why I'm here? The office signed me up for my classes." The lady had told him it was a 'standard starter pack for your universe cluster,' whatever that meant. Maybe that he would have to fight the villainous Resistance later on.

"What is with you people and these weird numbers? Don't tell me you're a Quartz corndum or whatever too," Fred sighed.

"No, sir," FN-2187 said. "I'm a stormtrooper in training."

"Not a Nazi thing, right?" Fred checked. Because, well, this kid didn't look like a Nazi soldier in training. "Because I've time traveled and beaten some of those guys up. And I'm pretty sure they had names like Johann or something."

"I don't know what a Nazi is, sir, so I don't think so." There were some parallels, though. Not that he knew that either.

"Okay, good," Fred said. "And keep it that way. Also, pick a better reason to be here than 'I don't know.' At least make up a story. Something like your cat jumped on your keyboard." Right. Tell the soldier kid to lie.

"Also, I know you don't have a cat because you're in the military or whatever. Just tell people you have one."

"Rey. I didn't sign up for this..."

Mainly she just wanted to make sure everyone knew that.

"Okay, either you people are all liars - in which case, good job, potential villains!" He gave a thumbs up to the class. "Or somebody in the office wants to keep me around by giving me a lot of students. And if it's the damn moose, somebody's going to pay for that."

"Oh, and anyone who wants to be a TA, step up," Fred said. "I probably won't ask you to rob a bank, but you will TECHNICALLY be a villain's assistant, so no promises."

If anyone wants to legitimately use this class as a way to transition to active villainy, let me know! Fred would be thrilled to help for a nominal fee!

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Supervillainy and You! Friday, Period 1

Sign In

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Listen to the Lecture

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Introductions

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Become a TA

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