fandomhigh | Jack of All Trades, Wednesday, Per 1

Hardison wasn't alone in the Danger Shop today when his class entered--and, for once, his companion wasn't a sim, either. "Sup, class," he said, giving them a nod. "This is my partner, Eliot. Some of y'all probably know him from other classes--like the one he's teachin' right now with the pony."

Was Hardison endlessly entertained by Pinkie Pie maneuvering Eliot into teaching class with her? Yes. Yes he was and forever would be.

"But some of y'all mentioned learnin' a little bit of self-defense in this class an' that ain't exactly my area of expertise." His niche was fighting the injured. He liked his niche. "Fortunately, Eliot's got all the expertise in the world. You should see what he can do to a grown man with with a damn appetizer."

Technically, that had been self-defense!

"And there's lesson number one," Eliot said, giving a toned down version of his creepy violent smile, all bared, wolfish teeth. "Anything can be a weapon, if you're aimin' for a sensitive spot." He paced a few steps in front of the gathered students, sizing them up. "Actually, lesson number one is to run. Everything we're teachin' you here today is to buy you the space you need to get out and make sure your attacker isn't gonna come after you when you do. Vulnerable spots is lesson two."

He nodded to Hardison to start the Danger Shop sim up, and the room took shape around the class: a spacious, vaguely traditional looking dojo with lightly padded floors and plenty of natural light. Well. Simulated natural light. Still, it looked nice at least. Several sims appeared as well, standing at ease along the wall behind Eliot and Hardison, each made with varying degrees of realism, from crash-test-dummy to could-be-a-real-guy-if-you-didn't-know-better.

"Now, I ain't anticipating a lot of resistance to the idea on this island, but it's important for learning any new physical skill to actually physically do it. We can talk technique all day, but in a dangerous situation, you can't guarantee your brain isn't gonna check out on ya, so your body needs to know how to do it. Anyone who'll feel bad hittin' something with a human face, you've got some options here. I encourage you all to at least give it a try, though, even if you have to work your way up. You've got time in here. You won't out there."

Eliot waved one of the realistic sims forward. "Now, it's a sad fact of the world that nine times outta ten -- or more -- you're gonna get attacked by a man. Especially if you're a woman, or present yourself as one to the world. Fortunately, though, when it comes to men, there's a nice, easy to remember vulnerable spot for you to use lesson number two on."

And he swiftly took the sim down with a couple moves that would make anyone with a set of testicles cry. Then he had the sim stand up again and went through each move carefully and in detail, including adjustments that might need to be made based on the size of the attacker relative to the attackee. He finished up a few strikes to other sensitive areas -- ears, eyes, knees, instep -- emphasizing how these would work on any human attacker, regardless of biology.

"Some folks'll call this 'dirty pool'," Eliot said when the demonstration ended. "But there ain't no such thing when it comes to survival. You go in hard, you go in fast, you go in to do the most damage you possibly can to make sure the bastard ain't gonna get back up and come after you. Everyone pick a sim and give those moves a try. Once you've got those down, I can start showing anyone who wants how to throw real punches."

"An' this is why he gets to be in charge of the self-defense class, yo," Hardison said, beaming with pride. "So all y'all get ready to start kickin'...we'll call it butt, sure."