Conspiracy Theories - Period 2, Wednesday

[worstofalltime.livejournal.com]

There wasn't any maple syrup rain today, so it was already looking up for Washington. It was a low bar, but it was still a bar. And today was over it.

"Welcome back to class," Wash said, still looking slightly uncomfortable out of his armor. Damn threatening students and paranoia. "Today we're going to talk about the Illuminati."

He passed a small pile of worksheets to the nearest student to pass onto their neighbors.

"The Illuminati were a group founded under the principles of reason, opposition of religious control, and the prevention of injustice. And also that the Freemasons were too expensive to join." He shrugged at that. "So, they copied the Freemasons and called it a different name."

Didn't that sound like the beginning of a sinister organization?

"They, along with other secret societies, were banned by the government of Bavaria after the Catholic Church pressured the ruler of the age. Despite that, rumors still continued about their influence on world events such as the French Revolution. Several 'modern' organizations claim to be descended from the original Illuminati to draw in members. Because people are largely stupid enough to buy that. The conspiracies based around this organization started off being spouted by various religious groups as a means to defaming them. But now they have reached new levels with anyone in a position of power being suspected of having ties to the group. The Kennedy assassination was caused by them, Hollywood is filled with them, Bill Gates is one of them--that one might be true--they're trying to start a new world order... the list goes on."

And it was hilarious if you asked him. Don't ask him.

"Okay, we're going to open up discussion on the subject of the Illuminati, and then--" He sighed. "--my teaching assistant will give a small lecture on a conspiracy of her choice. If any other students want to do the same at a latter date, let me know."

Comments

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[bestatmystery]

Lottie stood up in front of the class with a large paper tablet on an easel. She flipped the top page over to reveal a roughly cartoonish but easily recognizable drawing of a smart phone. "So," she said. "You know all those lovely gadgets we all like to carry around? That we stare at, day in, day out, that we put our pictures and our music and all our important information on, that we depend on to calculate our tips for us and show us important videos of adorable baby animals?" The next page on the tablet was a drawing of a sloth hugging a kitten, with "awwwwwww" scrawled over the top corner. Lottie gave it a perfectly matched "awwwwwww" look, then turned seriously back towards the class.

"Most of you are thinkin this is some sort of 'robot uprising' conspiracy I'm talking about, now, aren't you?" She flipped a page, showing a drawing of a boxy robot destroying a flaming city, ala Godzilla. "Well, let me tell you, friends: IT'S NOT THE ROBOTS YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT!"

The next page had exactly the same drawing, only with a big lipsticked X over it.

"Everybody knows that robots are kind creatures more interested in shooting butterflies out of their chassies than mountin any sort of attempt to subjugate humanity." Now there was a picture of robot shouting "++ENGAGING ANTI-VENGEANCE MODE++" with butterflies flying out of it at a poor, unsuspecting blonde girl. "Butterflies for everyone if the robots get their way! No, it's not the robots we need to worry about, it's their masters. I am speakin, of course, of ALIENS."

This page had a picture of a cable channel spokesperson pasted on it, with "ALIENS" written in block text along the bottom. Lottie looked at him with a grumpy expression. "Not his aliens." She flipped the page, revealing instead a skinny, nerdy looking man in glasses. "His aliens." She turned to the class. "This is Ben Bishop, founder of Zambian Computing. Makers of the most ubiquitous phones in my universe. I believe in this one, the aliens' pawns have equally nerdy glasses and noun-y last names. Do I have proof that Mr. Bishop is being supplied alien technology and promised a position of relative non-slave-ship in the future alien dystopia in return for suckering us all into mind-numbed sheepitude?" She paused. "I do not. If I did it wouldn't be a conspiracy theory. But I ask you." She pointed to the class with one hand and flipped the page with the other. The final page revealed was filled entirely with cheerful bubble letters shaded carefully to give them the illusion of three dimensions, decorated on all sides with cat faces and little daisies.

"DO YOU HAVE PROOF HE'S NOT?"

Lottie stared intently at the class for a moment longer, then threw her arms open and grinned. "Any questions?"

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[not_every_mage]

Anders raised a hand, looking a bit dazed. "What do the aliens get out of it?"

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[bestatmystery]

"An easier time conquerin Earth and eventually billions in slave labor."

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[not_every_mage]

"Oh," Anders said, and screwed up his face as he thought about that. "So the phones are hypnotizing us to accept being enslaved?"

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[bestatmystery]

"Exactly!" Lottie grinned. "Otherwise we might still be usin our expertise to go to the moon and develop highly sophisticated space weaponry."

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy also raised her hand. "Isn't the burden of proof always on the person making the assertion?" she asked her little sister. "Mostly because you can't prove a negative?"

Which was 'nerd' for calling bullshit.

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[bestatmystery]

Oooo, a smart one, eh? Lottie never let logic get in the way of a good drama. "That sounds like some propaganda from the intelleck-tual elite," she said. "Can you prove that you can't prove a negative?"

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[spin_kick_snap]

Well-played, Lottie.

"Umm...I'm pretty sure there's a mathematical proof out there somewhere that does?" she said. "But you're the one putting forth the hypothesis with absolutely nothing to back it up."

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[bestatmystery]

"Well yeah, that's what makes it a conspiracy theory!"

Re: Student Presentation - Lottie

[spin_kick_snap]

"I thought that even the dum--err, even the most far-fetched conspiracy theories had at least some evidence, however flimsy, to back it up," Kathy said.