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fandomhigh2015-05-22 10:02 am
begmetwice.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2015-05-22 10:02 am
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Sexual Safety [Friday, period 2]
"Morning!" Irene sing-songed, waving at students as they filed in. "Many, infinite apologies for last week, darlings. I really did try to find you a movie. It was all porno, though. All of it."
Not that everyone would have probably minded, but there was only so far that she was willing to test the limits of the administration's patience.
"In any case," she said, clapping her hands together, "today we're talking about something that's difficult for a lot of people: saying no. Now, when I say that, you might think, 'Well, Ms. Adler, I have no problem saying no to most people -- and I don't doubt it, as I've never met a more headstrong group of teenagers than I have here. But while it's easy to put your foot down with, say, people you don't know well....what if it's your girlfriend or boyfriend? Someone you've known for a long time? Someone you trust, who you don't want to refuse?"
She sighed, crossing her legs. "I know there's probably rather a lot more to it now, but when I was coming up, there was a metaphor for sex using the terms of baseball." Yeah, that metaphor was so popular, it made it to a country where they didn't even play that. "First base is kissing, second is above-the-waist touching, third is below-the-waist touching, and home is the main event. But the problem with that metaphor, of course, is that while no one in baseball ever stops on second and says, 'Excuse me! I'm quite comfortable here for now, and might think about progressing to third at a later stage!', that's an extremely normal and healthy attitude to have towards sex. Even when you've progressed to having regular sex with a steady partner, there might well be plenty of times that they might want more, and you're not feeling it, or you'd rather...you know, stay on second."
"Sexual pressure is a very real thing, and don't be tricked into the fallacy of thinking it belongs to just one sex," Irene said seriously. "And you're all very bright, kind people, so I don't feel that I need to dwell here, but I'd like to address something very clearly: if you are engaged or about to engage in sexual activity with someone, and they say they want to stop, you must stop. No cajoling. No wheedling. No bargaining. No, as the saying goes, means no. And remember that 'maybe' doesn't mean 'yes,' and that drunk or otherwise-influenced consent needs to be really, really carefully examined. And sometimes we must part ways unsatisfied because of that, but that's life and seeing to your own needs is a lot better than pressuring someone to see to them for you."
"But," she said, rolling her shoulders because that was uncomfortable to address, no matter how necessary, "let's approach it from the other side. Sometimes it can be very hard to say no. Sometimes you've been drinking. Sometimes you don't want to disappoint. In the case of drinking, I first must remind you all that the drinking age here in the old US of A is twenty-one, and you shouldn't have that problem yet. That being said, always make sure that someone knows where you are, and that you have someone sober who can watch your back. Always keep track of your drinks in mixed company. Always vocalize any discomfort as soon as you experience it. Drunk sex can be a lot of fun, but I've known far too many people who have regretted the decision the next day -- and honestly, simple feelings of regret are part of one of the better scenarios, considering how much alcohol can impair your memory and judgement."
"But as far as disappointment goes -- what I'd suggest is to have another activity ready to go. A compromise. It doesn't have to be sexual -- especially not if you're not feeling up to sex in the first place when you're being pressured -- but it can help with not causing hurt feelings or frustration. So what I'd like to do today is to brainstorm suggestions of things one could do with one's partner rather than moving forward." She smiled. "Staying put at...second base, or whatever point, is a perfectly acceptable answer, but so are things like, 'Why don't we cook dinner together?' or 'Maybe we could just cuddle like this for awhile.' At your age, it's perfectly normal and healthy to not want to rush into sex, even if you've had it before. There's no shame in it. And honestly, even at my age," she made a face there, "there's plenty of days where one might rather take it slow, or just hang around in Foreplay Land, and so on. Talk amongst yourselves and brainstorm ideas for gentle ways to let someone down and to avoid going for the full monty."
She paused, and added, "And this is, of course, null and void if you're all on board for going all the way, and consenting. If that's the case…." She just picked up the fishbowl of condoms from her desk and shook it lightly, raising a brow.
Not that everyone would have probably minded, but there was only so far that she was willing to test the limits of the administration's patience.
"In any case," she said, clapping her hands together, "today we're talking about something that's difficult for a lot of people: saying no. Now, when I say that, you might think, 'Well, Ms. Adler, I have no problem saying no to most people -- and I don't doubt it, as I've never met a more headstrong group of teenagers than I have here. But while it's easy to put your foot down with, say, people you don't know well....what if it's your girlfriend or boyfriend? Someone you've known for a long time? Someone you trust, who you don't want to refuse?"
She sighed, crossing her legs. "I know there's probably rather a lot more to it now, but when I was coming up, there was a metaphor for sex using the terms of baseball." Yeah, that metaphor was so popular, it made it to a country where they didn't even play that. "First base is kissing, second is above-the-waist touching, third is below-the-waist touching, and home is the main event. But the problem with that metaphor, of course, is that while no one in baseball ever stops on second and says, 'Excuse me! I'm quite comfortable here for now, and might think about progressing to third at a later stage!', that's an extremely normal and healthy attitude to have towards sex. Even when you've progressed to having regular sex with a steady partner, there might well be plenty of times that they might want more, and you're not feeling it, or you'd rather...you know, stay on second."
"Sexual pressure is a very real thing, and don't be tricked into the fallacy of thinking it belongs to just one sex," Irene said seriously. "And you're all very bright, kind people, so I don't feel that I need to dwell here, but I'd like to address something very clearly: if you are engaged or about to engage in sexual activity with someone, and they say they want to stop, you must stop. No cajoling. No wheedling. No bargaining. No, as the saying goes, means no. And remember that 'maybe' doesn't mean 'yes,' and that drunk or otherwise-influenced consent needs to be really, really carefully examined. And sometimes we must part ways unsatisfied because of that, but that's life and seeing to your own needs is a lot better than pressuring someone to see to them for you."
"But," she said, rolling her shoulders because that was uncomfortable to address, no matter how necessary, "let's approach it from the other side. Sometimes it can be very hard to say no. Sometimes you've been drinking. Sometimes you don't want to disappoint. In the case of drinking, I first must remind you all that the drinking age here in the old US of A is twenty-one, and you shouldn't have that problem yet. That being said, always make sure that someone knows where you are, and that you have someone sober who can watch your back. Always keep track of your drinks in mixed company. Always vocalize any discomfort as soon as you experience it. Drunk sex can be a lot of fun, but I've known far too many people who have regretted the decision the next day -- and honestly, simple feelings of regret are part of one of the better scenarios, considering how much alcohol can impair your memory and judgement."
"But as far as disappointment goes -- what I'd suggest is to have another activity ready to go. A compromise. It doesn't have to be sexual -- especially not if you're not feeling up to sex in the first place when you're being pressured -- but it can help with not causing hurt feelings or frustration. So what I'd like to do today is to brainstorm suggestions of things one could do with one's partner rather than moving forward." She smiled. "Staying put at...second base, or whatever point, is a perfectly acceptable answer, but so are things like, 'Why don't we cook dinner together?' or 'Maybe we could just cuddle like this for awhile.' At your age, it's perfectly normal and healthy to not want to rush into sex, even if you've had it before. There's no shame in it. And honestly, even at my age," she made a face there, "there's plenty of days where one might rather take it slow, or just hang around in Foreplay Land, and so on. Talk amongst yourselves and brainstorm ideas for gentle ways to let someone down and to avoid going for the full monty."
She paused, and added, "And this is, of course, null and void if you're all on board for going all the way, and consenting. If that's the case…." She just picked up the fishbowl of condoms from her desk and shook it lightly, raising a brow.