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Still want to be a Hero?, Thursday, 3rd Period

Cara's students had been told to meet her in the Danger Shoop this week. Right as they arrived, they would have seen a squirrel run out the door, furiously chittering. Inside an outdoorsy landscaped waited, as well as a couple of familiar faces from the last time they'd had class in here, standing on a path in the hills.

Also, Cara was covered in glitter.

"You all remember Richard and Zedd," she said, pointing at each of them in turn in case they'd forgotten, she then reached up and placed a hand on the shoulder of the 'friend' they'd rescued in that class. "However, last time I forgot to introduce Kahlan to you. There's a few things you should know about her. Kahlan is a Confessor. For those of you who don't know what that is, to cut a long story short, they're a group of women who uphold the laws of the Midlands, largely because they can tell when people are lying to them and because the touch of a Confessor can permanently alter a person's mind, leaving them completely devoted to the Confessor. It's considered as good as a death sentence. They also can't control this power during moments of release, so they can't have sex with people they like if they want them to stay those people." Which Cara thought was as much failure of the imagination as anything, but nobody asked her.

"More to the point she's the Mother Confessor, which means she's considered the final authourity on law and justice throughout the Midlands. However most of the Confessors have been killed in recent years." Guess who wasn't going to go into detail on how that happened. "So law and justice aren't quite what they used to be."

"Anyway, today you're going to be going on a little adventure with Richard, Kahlan, and Zedd. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

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Adventurously! ~~Or sparkily!~~

Edited 2014-07-31 13:10 (UTC)

Mind control as a form of justice, yay?

Edited 2014-07-31 13:10 (UTC)

So far your adventure has consisted of watching Richard and Kahlan make calf's eyes at each other as they talk about how you should all reach some very romantic waterfalls in time for a very romantic sunset to turn the water a very romantic red.

But what's that over there? Two men who've hung after being tortured? Great, time for a change of topic...or, how terrible. Yes, that.

Closer inspection of the bodies reveals they were killed under the orders of a Prince Feren...who's using the seal of Aydindril. Given that's the seat of the Confessors, there's only one person who's supposed to be able to use that, and she's standing next to you with great hair and cleavage. Time to figure out what to do, kids.

Edited 2014-07-31 13:10 (UTC)

You all decide to skip the romantic waterfalls of romance in order to see what's happening in Aydindril, which is several days travel. Conveniently, a dead wizard appears in a flash of light, carrying a amulet which Kahlan and Zedd can use to instantly travel on ahead. Kahlan is very sad about splitting the party, but duty calls, so she settles for giving you and Richard sad eyes while she and Zedd disappear in their own flash of light.

Or not, as Zedd disappears, but not Kahlan. Also half the amulet is gone. Probably nothing to worry about, but you'd better double time it to Aydindril just in case.

In any case, it's a good ting Kahlan's still with you, as you don't get very far before you come across some of Feren's thugs threatening a nice young couple for holding hands. Time for a fight!

Edited 2014-07-31 13:10 (UTC)

Sooo, Kahlan tried confessing a thug during the fight and it didn't take. Understandably, she's kind of upset about this. Maybe you should try lifting her spirits? ~~Or just make a smart remark about borrowing the dead thugs' horses if you're bad at feelings.~~

Edited 2014-07-31 13:11 (UTC)

Even if your pep talk didn't work, Kahlan realising she and Richard could go 'collect firewood' did the trick. Being a good friend, you take the opportunity the next morning to mock Richard's failure at cleaning leaf litter out of his hair.

And now Kahlan is accusing you of trying to steal Richard with your sexy, sexy hair touching. Um, what?

Edited 2014-07-31 13:10 (UTC)

You finally make it to Aydindril, only to find there's another Kahlan already there. Surprise! Keeping your Kahlan hidden and asking around, you find out that she showed up a few days ago, quickly confessed Feren, and settled in rule. Pity she's interpreting the law in the most strict, draconian fashion possible. She's also going to execute Zedd for treason, since he realised she was acting as much herself as emo!Kahlan was with you and he didn't get out of dodge in time.

Plans, people?

Edited 2014-07-31 13:11 (UTC)

You decide to take emo!Kahlan to meet confessor!Kahlan to show her that instead of one crazy awesome Kahlan there are now two just plan crazy Kahlans and you really should fix that, and not kill Zedd. Unfortunately, confessor!Kahlan thinks she's doing a much better job without those pesky feelings of love and compassion and empathy, plus Richard can totally get laid now, everyone wins. Emo!Kahlan agrees, and says she's totally up for a threesome with you and Richard if that'll sweeten the pot for him (maybe not in those exact words).

Any takers?

Edited 2014-07-31 13:11 (UTC)

Thought not. More fighty times! Unfortunately Kahlan just confessed herself, so remember to keep clear of those hands as you try to stop her.

Edited 2014-07-31 13:12 (UTC)

Confessor!Kahlan has been defeated (with Cara stepping in with a glittery, well-placed agiel for anyone who nearly got themselves confessed), and Zedd is now ready to merge the two Kahlans back into one. But wait, now they're claiming you can't because they're both pregnant.

Really? Really?

Edited 2014-07-31 13:12 (UTC)

Turns out that amongst Zedd's many talents is pregnancy tests, and no one was the daddy, so Kahlan is back to herself with no memory of the last few days, and everyone she confessed in Aydindril (who didn't get killed in the fight) is now unconfessed. She and Richard are off making eyes at each other again.

"So, what have we learnt from today's adventure?" Cara asked. Apart from the fact your teacher took joy in your suffering? You should already know that.

One of whom is very, very sparkly.

I miss my dead gay show.

Scott McCall

The other of whom was not as sparkly, trying not to laugh at the sparkly teacher, and watching out for squirrels. Hell if she knew what the little monsters were up to...

Evan Sabahnur

"It's their idea of motivation," Cara said, finally giving in to the urge to swipe at the glitter. "Just wait until they go after you."

Four

"Motivation for what? Squirrel steak?" Surreal asked, doing her best to keep a straight face. "Or did you get in their rum and this is payback?"

"To keep track of dates better," Cara's expression was all but daring Surreal to start laughing. "They're very invested in it."

"Why? They think you're going to miss your radio show or something?" Surreal laughed, shaking her head. "Today's Thursday, you're at class, what more do they want?"

"I...we were supposed to make a ridiculous fuss about the date last night with a date," Cara said darkly. "The glitter's supposed to jog my memory."

Anders

Kaylin Neya

Kira Yukimura

Kathy Li

"A date about a date..." Surreal looked over Cara's be-glittered leathers with dawning horror. "...they're going to try and throw that on me, too, aren't they?"

Cara grimaced.

"According to them at least one of us should have remembered. I told them to let me talk to you first." Because she was a good girlfriend like that...also she was the only one allowed to get glitter on Surreal. "They said glitter's the fastest way to get what they want."

Surreal, that isn't a smile. That's baring your teeth. "Here I thought it was the fastest way to make me want a new pair of squirrel mittens."

SURREAL.

"Wait, why do they care?"

Hey now, Cara quite liked that expression. Because she was hopeless.

"I don't know." They were interfering little busybodies was why. "But the words 'painfully clueless' were used."

Now Surreal was just offended. "I don't know what pain has to do with it, but I'm not clueless," she scowled. "Your place. Tonight."

To be fair, they might have just been referring to the one of them who'd ignored all the hints they'd been dropping yesterday morning, but Cara wasn't in a charitable enough mood to consider that.

"I'll be there." Not that she was usually anywhere else most nights. "Hopefully after I get rid of this glitter."

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