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Seven Habits of Why Are You People Here Anyway, Friday

Today the class met in an actual classroom, with stations set up. It was almost like they had real teachers! Almost.

(Or it was like Cheryl hadn't felt like being outside with a bunch of kids, again. Either way.)

"I can't believe you guys keep showing up," she commented as the students filed in. "Don't you kids have anything better to do? Like, seriously, when I was in high school, I did everything I could to avoid going to class. I almost got expelled for truancy a couple times!"

Okay, Cheryl, not everyone is a railroad heiress who can just donate a new wing to her fancy Manhattan private school to get out of trouble. And also some people care about grades, or something.

“It’s summer,” Pam whined, in case the students were not aware of that crucial fact. “Isn’t it illegal to have class in the summer, anyway? We shouldn’t have to be here. You guys should just cut next week, I’m serious. Just don’t even show up.”

Pam, not everyone was a freeloader who could sponge off the aforementioned railroad heiress. Just saying.

"So, whatever, you guys are a bunch of nerds and none of you are ever going to get laid while still in high school, is what we're saying," Cheryl told them, shaking her head. "I mean, just go ahead and accept that. But that's not what we're working on today. Today, we're working on Habit Number Three, which is 'Put first things first.' Well, that's stupid."

Cheryl looked over at Pam, wrinkling her nose. "That's some 'oh, it's always in the last place you look!'-type bullshit, isn't it? Of course first things go first. That's what makes them first, duh."

“If it wasn’t in the last place you looked, you would’ve quit looking by then,” Pam said. “This book is so stupid. First they said, hey, start at the end, now it’s start at the beginning. Don’t forget to start in the middle, too! Fuck up the timeline like you’re in a Quentin Tarantino movie, and make sure your time machine lets you do everything at once!”

Pam waved towards the stations. “So we’re gonna make you alphabetize some shit we found around the house. So help me, if any of you steal any of my pot, I’m gonna go apeshit on you.”

Pam, maybe it’d be a good idea not to bring illegal drugs in to class in the first place?

Cheryl raised an eyebrow. "If any of you fuck with my Clozaril, I really will go apeshit."

Because, you know, antipsychotics.

Have fun, kids!

(... Text in the comments is totally gonna be NSFW. Consider yourself warned.)

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With the icon that comes first alphabetically. Which, for me, is "all good nurses bring beer."

(I am choosing not to acknowledge parentheses and brackets, here.)

The bit where they indulge in their weekly crazyfest. Listen to it and stare in horror. As you do.

Oh, yeah. Station #1 has lots of baggies dumped onto a table. Many of them have smudged labels, and a few are covered in Cheetos dust. They all smell pretty good, though!!!

Work together (or separately) to try to get this disheveled mess into alphabetical order, by deciphering what the fuck is actually scribbled in sharpie on the bags. Good luck with that one.

Some of the goodies you might find:

Pineapple Express
Blue Dream
Girl Scout Cookies
White Widow
Mango Kush
Snowcap
Harlequin
Casey Jones
Agent Orange
Kaboom
Chernobyl
Purple Trainwreck
Jillybean
Space Queen

This list is not exclusive. Feel free to mod other pot strains as needed or desired.

Ohhhhhhhh yeah. Just for you guys, Pam and Cheryl collected all their porn movies and dumped them on this table. You officially know way too much about your teachers, right now. This is probably against at least six or seven laws.

Anyway, have fun with the following titles:

Chasing the Big Cocks #2
Super Size Meat
Dirty Horny Orgies
MILFs Like It Big #17
King Dong
Juicy White Anal Booty
Lex Likes 'Em Thick
Monsters of Cock #43
Fuck My Ass Mandingo
My Stepbrother Has a Huge Black Cock #2
Hose Monster #5
John Holmes Collection Box
Double Time - 4 Pack
Gangbanged #4
All That Ass the Orgy #5
Bi-Curious George

Or feel free to mod your own, because lol, there's way more where these came from. Really.

Just be thankful it's just the discs and not the hugely obscene boxes with the hugely obscene cover art, okay?

If you're looking for things to alphabetize, why not start with words that most people can't pronounce? All of Cheryl's vials were dumped into a large plastic bag, and that bag has been upended on this table.

It really doesn't help that someone appears to have scribbled all over the labels on some of these, or that some of the labels have been partially torn off, either.

At least this stash isn't traumatizing the same way? Anyway, have fun with the following:

Compazine
Clozaril
Zyprexa
Seroquel
Methylenedioxypyrovalerone
Zenzedi
Drospirenone estradiol
Dihydromorphine
Apricoxib
Stiripentol
Clonazepam
Brivaracetam
Triazolam
Emoxypine
Dimethyltryptamine
Methaqualone
Fluorenol
Lamotrigine

And of course, feel free to mod your own selections. Who knows what Cheryl has in there. She certainly doesn't.

Maybe ask about TA-ing, because they haven't realized yet that they don't have one (oops).

Or maybe lecture them about inappropriate teaching behavior. Because that will end well.

Seriously, don't take any of the pot, porn, or pills, because this is Pam and Cheryl on a good day. Do you want to see them on a bad one?!?

All pot strains, porn titles, and medications are actually real existing ones. Google is awesome.

Barry Ween

Cheryl was busy filing her nails.

She didn't care if they took anything from her stash, really. Everyone else should care, but she didn't. It was always fun when she forgot to take something, anyway.

Why did Barry keep coming back to this class every week?

The same reason people like to watch train wrecks.

This class was awesome in that aspect.

Barry took a look at the bags and shook his head.

Okay, this was really pushing the line on this class being considered educational.

Like.. not at all.

Therefore Barry might have added something to some of the bags.

Nothing harmful. Nope. Not at all.

No. This station wasn't traumatizing a tall but it did explain a lot about Cheryl.

~~And why she did macrame instead of knitting~~

However Barry did swiftly add an additive similar to what he did for Pam's stash.

Again... not anything harmful. Nope. Not at all.

Kathy Li

(I'm actually skipping the first one--Adorable--so I can use 'Ain't Nobody Got Time for This')

The porn stash reminds me of Shaughn's grandfather, who collected porns like some people collect...other things in extremely high quantities.

After he died, his widow and her Avon group had to wade through the stacks, piled FEET high in the air, and call out things like, "I have Big Black Cocks in Pretty Blonde Butts V and VII. Does anyone have I-IV?"

In the end, the entire collection was (i think) four type-written pages long.

And this was Kathy's first introduction to pot, outside of DARE programs and members of the Seventeens smoking in random alleys. She tried telling herself that she couldn't judge anyone after being an opium smuggler last weekend--and that she was pro-legalization anyway, because it was a stupid law that unfairly infringed on people's freedoms--but she wasn't making much headway against her mother's horrified tones in her head.

After the third bag got orange dust on her fingers, Kathy just set it down and walked away.

CDs! Kathy was thrilled. She could totally alphabetize CDs. And no matter how terrible their teachers' taste in music was, it surely couldn't be any worse than--

Oh.

Ohhhh.

Ohmigosh.

These were not CDs. Not even a little. She was just going to set down the discs and scurry away to the next table.

"...I'm not a pharmacist, but aren't some of these, like, really heavy duty drugs?" Kathy asked anyone nearby. "Like, the kind that shouldn't be mixed with anything? Including each other?"

Should I be more worried that I've had a lot of those medicines, or glad I've never seen any of that porn?

Joker Moreau

Silly teachers. Nobody came to this class for the grades.

Soooo... yeah. This was actual marijuana. Joker had NO idea what to do with that.

Well, no, he knew what you were supposed to do with it, he just didn't know what he was going to do with it.

So... How many of these did he have? As he alphabetized them, Joker cross-checked them against his list.

...Almost all of them. Oh, well.

Joker held out his hand, which lit up all glowy while his omnitool worked. Yay, something he wanted it to do that it would actually do! He scanned the names off the bottles, and pulled up some basic information about each of the drugs.

... Oh. Hm. Should he feel bad about mocking Cheryl, now? He wasn't honestly sure. But he kinda did.

"I think maybe some of Cheryl's doctors don't really talk to each other," Pam said helpfully. "And she pays some others not to ask too many questions. And some of these she orders off the internet. I think."

And now I just have to know: what did they do with them? Like, sell them on eBay, donate them to Goodwill, take them to the local adult shop and try to trade them in?

I've had a couple of the meds myself, but I'm hoping I hit up a nice variety of antipsychotics, anticonvulsants, stimulants, sedatives, and I don't remember what else.

One of them is birth control, I do remember that. Oh, and one of them is bath salts the super crazy illegal turns-people-into-zombies thing.

I can proudly say I've never seen any of that porn. The thumbnail covers were interesting enough.

See, the porn reminds me of Joker.

Because his stash of porn, in canon, is bigger than all the data currently on the internet.

... But I think your story is better. o.O

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Seven Habits of Why Are You People Here Anyway, Friday

Sign In [7-18]

During the ... Y'Know [7-18]

Station #1: Pam's Strains of Marijuana

Station #2: Pam and Cheryl's Joint Stash of Cock Porn [7-18]

Station #3: Cheryl's Medicine Cabinet

Talk to Pam and Cheryl [7-18]

OOC [7-18]

Re: Sign In [7-18]

Re: Talk to Pam and Cheryl [7-18]

Re: During the ... Y'Know [7-18]

Re: Station #1: Pam's Strains of Marijuana

Re: Station #3: Cheryl's Medicine Cabinet

Re: Sign In [7-18]

Re: OOC [7-18]

Re: Station #1: Pam's Strains of Marijuana

Re: Station #2: Pam and Cheryl's Joint Stash of Cock Porn [7-18]

Re: Station #3: Cheryl's Medicine Cabinet

Re: OOC [7-18]

Re: Sign In [7-18]

Re: During the ... Y'Know [7-18]

Re: Station #1: Pam's Strains of Marijuana

Re: Station #2: Pam and Cheryl's Joint Stash of Cock Porn [7-18]

Re: Station #3: Cheryl's Medicine Cabinet

Re: Station #3: Cheryl's Medicine Cabinet

Re: OOC [7-18]

Re: OOC [7-18]

Re: OOC [7-18]