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fandomhigh2014-03-28 07:09 am
holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2014-03-28 07:09 am
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The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1
Today, when students came into class -- assuming they were foolhardy or in need of distraction from the island enough to do so -- they would find...something different waiting for them.
Even more different than the last couple of weeks. Really.
"Fondest greetings to you all!" the Queen of Mars greeted them grandly. You could tell she thought she was very grand by her really weird, stilted tone of voice. "I won't require you all to bow as you come in today. I'm a merciful ruler."
You could tell, because she told you so.
“It’s so great that you all haven’t fallen into the lava river or been eaten by monkeyponies yet,” said Sister Mary Joe Francis. “That’d probably suck a whole lot. I mean, for you, and for us. But the Big Man Upstairs has a plan, so if you do get eaten by a monkeypony … y’know. All part of the Plan, right?”
Please bear in mind that monkeyponies, themselves, were not exactly part of the Plan. That was why the mad scientist had had to create them. But it was meant to be reassuring, since that was, like, a thing nuns were supposed to do. Sister Mary Joe Francis was extra-good at her faith.
The Queen of Mars rolled her eyes. "So, anyway, today we're going to discuss how to bake a quiche." As you did, when you were the Queen of Mars. "It can be a little tricky, but you'll need a pie crust and a shit-ton of eggs. Like, six. And some milk. That's mostly it, okay? Are you guys writing this down?"
“She’s absolutely right,” Sister Mary Joe Francis agreed. “It’s frustrating as hell trying to get that initial ‘five.’ Uh, I mean ‘heck.’ But you can roll it on either spinner, or make a five up combined, so that’s easier. Some kids cheat, but the capital-G-o-d isn’t so hot on cheaters, kids. Let’s not all burn in eternal hellfire because we couldn’t wait five minutes to hit a four and a one.”
Oh. Oops. “I mean, ‘heckfire.’”
As you do.
"Right, so mix up your eggs with like, a whisk," the Queen of Mars instructed. "If you don't have a whisk you can have one of your space-slaves bring you one or buy one at Bed Bath and Beyond. So whisk up all those eggs and then add the milk and whisk that in, too. And if you have some like, cheese or bacon or broccoli or something to add in, throw that shit in there now too. Or, again, get a space-slave."
“So you have to go all the way back to the beginning!” Sister Mary Francis exploded. “Just when you were about to win the game, bam, and now it’s back to spinning those fucking fives again! It’s enough to make you stab one of your Sisters in the face with the edge of a beer bottle!”
Sister Mary Francis coughed. “Um. ‘Hecking’ fives. And … stabbing the other nuns with … nonalcoholic hugs and prayers about Our Lord and Savior. Totally what I said.”
She was gonna start on the Hail Marys under her breath, pre-emptively.
"So dump all your eggs and stuff in a pie crust and plunk it in the oven for, like, forty minutes, or until it wiggles. Like this." The Queen of Mars shimmied, helpfully.
“‘-- hour of our death, Amen,’” Sister Mary Joe Francis finished. “And then you get the exact roll to get home, which is another pain in the a--- … donkey’s rear end, and then you’ve won the stupidest game ever.” Sister Mary Joe frowned at her co-teacher. “Waitaminnit, can you say ‘ass’? It’s in the Bible, right?”
She was a little hazy on the deets, you guys. That book was long. She’d kinda skimmed.
The Queen of Mars just sniffed disdainfully in response. "So, for your activity, you're going to make quiche based off of what I just said." Hope you took notes, kids. "
Not that there was an oven or anything.
“Let’s get to playing!” Sister Mary Joe Francis announced. “Parcheesi!”
Say, were those Parcheesi boards, hidden under the piles of eggs and milk and whatever the hell else you used to make quiche? They sure were. Look, it’s not like you had pawns or anything, anyway.
So … maybe play Quicheesi? Or make some parche? It’s not like your teachers are going to notice. Or care. If you had any objections, take them up with the space-slaves that the Queen of Mars brought. (Except there weren’t any. So … good luck with that.)
(What? Oh, yeah, these two are AU’d. Behold, Pam the nun and the Cheryl, the Queen of Mars. BTW, the fact that there are two ongoing class topics is … actually just because they’re not paying the least bit of attention to one another.)
Even more different than the last couple of weeks. Really.
"Fondest greetings to you all!" the Queen of Mars greeted them grandly. You could tell she thought she was very grand by her really weird, stilted tone of voice. "I won't require you all to bow as you come in today. I'm a merciful ruler."
You could tell, because she told you so.
“It’s so great that you all haven’t fallen into the lava river or been eaten by monkeyponies yet,” said Sister Mary Joe Francis. “That’d probably suck a whole lot. I mean, for you, and for us. But the Big Man Upstairs has a plan, so if you do get eaten by a monkeypony … y’know. All part of the Plan, right?”
Please bear in mind that monkeyponies, themselves, were not exactly part of the Plan. That was why the mad scientist had had to create them. But it was meant to be reassuring, since that was, like, a thing nuns were supposed to do. Sister Mary Joe Francis was extra-good at her faith.
The Queen of Mars rolled her eyes. "So, anyway, today we're going to discuss how to bake a quiche." As you did, when you were the Queen of Mars. "It can be a little tricky, but you'll need a pie crust and a shit-ton of eggs. Like, six. And some milk. That's mostly it, okay? Are you guys writing this down?"
“She’s absolutely right,” Sister Mary Joe Francis agreed. “It’s frustrating as hell trying to get that initial ‘five.’ Uh, I mean ‘heck.’ But you can roll it on either spinner, or make a five up combined, so that’s easier. Some kids cheat, but the capital-G-o-d isn’t so hot on cheaters, kids. Let’s not all burn in eternal hellfire because we couldn’t wait five minutes to hit a four and a one.”
Oh. Oops. “I mean, ‘heckfire.’”
As you do.
"Right, so mix up your eggs with like, a whisk," the Queen of Mars instructed. "If you don't have a whisk you can have one of your space-slaves bring you one or buy one at Bed Bath and Beyond. So whisk up all those eggs and then add the milk and whisk that in, too. And if you have some like, cheese or bacon or broccoli or something to add in, throw that shit in there now too. Or, again, get a space-slave."
“So you have to go all the way back to the beginning!” Sister Mary Francis exploded. “Just when you were about to win the game, bam, and now it’s back to spinning those fucking fives again! It’s enough to make you stab one of your Sisters in the face with the edge of a beer bottle!”
Sister Mary Francis coughed. “Um. ‘Hecking’ fives. And … stabbing the other nuns with … nonalcoholic hugs and prayers about Our Lord and Savior. Totally what I said.”
She was gonna start on the Hail Marys under her breath, pre-emptively.
"So dump all your eggs and stuff in a pie crust and plunk it in the oven for, like, forty minutes, or until it wiggles. Like this." The Queen of Mars shimmied, helpfully.
“‘-- hour of our death, Amen,’” Sister Mary Joe Francis finished. “And then you get the exact roll to get home, which is another pain in the a--- … donkey’s rear end, and then you’ve won the stupidest game ever.” Sister Mary Joe frowned at her co-teacher. “Waitaminnit, can you say ‘ass’? It’s in the Bible, right?”
She was a little hazy on the deets, you guys. That book was long. She’d kinda skimmed.
The Queen of Mars just sniffed disdainfully in response. "So, for your activity, you're going to make quiche based off of what I just said." Hope you took notes, kids. "
Not that there was an oven or anything.
“Let’s get to playing!” Sister Mary Joe Francis announced. “Parcheesi!”
Say, were those Parcheesi boards, hidden under the piles of eggs and milk and whatever the hell else you used to make quiche? They sure were. Look, it’s not like you had pawns or anything, anyway.
So … maybe play Quicheesi? Or make some parche? It’s not like your teachers are going to notice. Or care. If you had any objections, take them up with the space-slaves that the Queen of Mars brought. (Except there weren’t any. So … good luck with that.)
(What? Oh, yeah, these two are AU’d. Behold, Pam the nun and the Cheryl, the Queen of Mars. BTW, the fact that there are two ongoing class topics is … actually just because they’re not paying the least bit of attention to one another.)
Talk to the TA [3-28]
Re: Talk to the TA [3-28]
On the one hand, she was the TA. On the other...this class.