fandomhigh | The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1

An important thing students might notice today was that the skinnier crazy teacher was absent. This was because Cheryl was off having the mother of all bad trips.

That probably wasn't the first thing they noticed, though. The first thing was going to be the larger, blonder teacher excitedly running laps around the outside of the classroom, only stopping periodically by her desk in order to pick up a large cellophane-wrapped package full of a white powder and shovel some spoonfuls directly into her mouth.

Pam's laps had choo-choo sounds effects, like she was the world's lamest dairy train. Oh, and in case there was any mystery at all about the substance -- or, say, if you were clinging to some feeble hope that that was sugar -- she was also screaming out "COCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE!"

Once enough students filtered in, Pam decided to begin teaching class. So she stopped the laps abruptly and turned to address the students with twitchy eyes.

"Hi-everyone-welcome-back-to-class!" she said, all in one breath. "Cheryl's on a bad trip and I'm on cocaine. Cocaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine!"

That was going to be another spontaneous lap. It was hard to stay focused when you were this fucking high!!!!

"Anyway! I can teach by myself! We're going to talk about HR! YAY HR!!!" Pam waved her hands in the air excitedly. "HR is the best job ever! You get to go through employee files and gossip about them! Let's say someone asks for a leave of absence! You can ask why! It's your job to know! And she might tell you it's to have surgery on that weird cyst on her back! And then you get to tell everyone that Jane's got an ugly cyst on her back!!"

HR WAS SERIOUSLY EXCITING. ESPECIALLY ON COCAINE.

"Or let's say Lana has herpes! And then you know not to bang Lana! Not that Lana was going to bang you anyway! But that's a dealbreaker! Except she doesn't! And this is useful information to have! Especially if you want to write a popular gossip blog! Or start banging your co-workers! Because you know what's wonderful, guys? COCAINE!"

Pam wriggled her hips and sang out an improv jazz number, drumming on the desk to accompany the do-bop scatting. Say, did she look thinner? She'd dropped about ten pounds. Not on purpose or anything. Mostly from not eating (well, not eating food) and running laps while crazy fucking high.

"Oh! Oh! And you can blackmail people! Let's say you know someone got herpes and they're banging someone else and now that person's at risk for herpes! You make them pay you or you'll tell!! Or you get creative, like making them star in one of the pornos you're filming in the bathroom! Or you get them to buy you cocaine! I love cocaine!"

They might have gotten that impression, Pam.

"So team up!!! Blackmail each other! Blackmail me! Write up gossip! Make a gossip blog and tweet updates! Interview each other for dark secrets you can use! And then you can get money! And you can use money for more cocaine!"

Pam finished the lecture by shoving her entire face into the package, as if it was a feedbag, and excitedly nomming away, with loud, happy snarfing sounds. Just chowing down some cocaine. Might not resurface for a while.

............. So yeah. That happened.

(Huge WARNING for drug use. Pam is now AU'd into her season 5 self, who is -- and I'm being serious here -- just outright eating whole kilos of cocaine. My canon is so wonderfully fucked up, you guys. Flying solo because the lovely

notmysupervisor is AFK. Wait for OCD!)

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"I do not think I will be any good at this," Yeul said cheerfully, to the room at large, while looking for a partner.

After all, she had not been good at anything assigned as an activity in this class. At least that didn't bother her?

Joker gestured at Pam. "Is that really something you want to be good at? Because I don't. Most of what comes out of their mouths, you just go right on ahead and ignore."

Yeul glanced at Pam for a moment, then back to Joker, smiling slightly.

"I would not say I want to be that way," she said thoughtfully. "But she seems to enjoy it, which means there must be some merit to it."

Edited 2014-03-07 18:11 (UTC)

Joker sighed and raised an eyebrow at her. "No. There is no merit in being cranked out of your gourd, especially when you have responsibilities you're ignoring." He shook his head in wonder. "And... and she's not just a little stoned -- I mean, recreational whatever, who am I to judge, it's just... That? That shit is dangerous. Any minute now, she's going to die of a, a heart attack or an aneurysm or something, and then what are we gonna do? ...Aside from just pack up and leave, which, really, is the only sane thing to do with this class."

Edited 2014-03-07 18:29 (UTC)

"Everyone dies sometime," Yeul pointed out softly. "And she seems quite happy. There are worse ways to die."

She'd... died a great number of them, after all.

"Though I suppose there is no telling if she will die either," Yeul continued. "We do not know how long she has been doing this but, given past classes, it may not be the first time. If so, she may know what she is doing, and even in her condition, class was about as coherent as it ever is. I do not quite understand why this is a bad situation."

Yeul had a, uh, different way of looking at the world. Sorry, Joker?

Joker stared at her. "Really?" he asked. "Do you really just..." He looked at Pam, and then back at Yeul. "Really?!? ...I mean, you look at her, and your first thought is just 'Golly, she seems chipper!', really?"

"She's more exuberant than normal," Yeul ventured. "And certainly ingesting more drugs than is likely good for anyone. That being said, her class was as coherent as ever and she seems happy enough, so I do not see that it's a matter for our concern."

"I... I don't... I mean, I just..." Joker sighed.

"Okay, look... I don't know where you're from, I don't know what species you are, and I certainly don't mean to demean or insult your worldview and/or culture. It's just... I just... What the HOLY FUCKING FUCK is wrong with your worldview and/or culture?!?!"

Yeul stared at him serenely.

"I do not believe there's any way for me to answer that in a way that will please you," she said, after a moment.

The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1

Re: Discussion: Pairing Up for Blackmail, Gossip and Interviews [3-7]

Re: Discussion: Pairing Up for Blackmail, Gossip and Interviews [3-7]

Re: Discussion: Pairing Up for Blackmail, Gossip and Interviews [3-7]

Re: Discussion: Pairing Up for Blackmail, Gossip and Interviews [3-7]

Re: Discussion: Pairing Up for Blackmail, Gossip and Interviews [3-7]

Re: Discussion: Pairing Up for Blackmail, Gossip and Interviews [3-7]

Re: Discussion: Pairing Up for Blackmail, Gossip and Interviews [3-7]

Re: Discussion: Pairing Up for Blackmail, Gossip and Interviews [3-7]

Re: Discussion: Pairing Up for Blackmail, Gossip and Interviews [3-7]