fandomhigh | How to Make Friends and Influence People [Tuesday, January 14, 2014]

Anakin stood in front of the Danger Shop-generated conference room with a slightly sheepish (for him--you had to really be looking for it) expression on his face. "My apologies for missing our first class," he began. "I had two Force-sensitive children at home with the flu and was told by my wife that she'd divorce me if I tried to leave the house. I'm pretty sure she was exaggerating, but it's never a good idea to push a tired, sick mother."

He gestured around the room. "Welcome to How to Make Friends and Influence People," he said. "You'll be learning mostly through simulations and hypothetical scenarios. I recognize most of your faces and those I don't know I'll figure out as we go along."

Because introductions in a class with friends in the name would make far to much sense, apparently.

"Here's your scenario today: a recently passed bill in the government has severely cut into the profit margins of an important trade federation. In retaliation, they have imposed a blockade around the planet of one of the biggest supporters of the law."

Because that made sense.

"Because that makes sense. You are here to negotiate an end to the hostilities. Discuss with your classmates what you think would be a good compromise to offer the trade federation. You absolutely cannot promise to repeal the law, but everything else is fair game." Anakin clapped his hands together. "Begin."

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"Okay, but what about what's already mobilized?" Joker asked. "I mean, you've got a squadron patrolling the sector, right? Looking out for pirates, making the Alliance presence felt, keeping the Batarians at bay, that sort of thing? You let a bunch of traders push you around like that, the rest of the galaxy's gonna see weakness and move in."

"So you'd jump straight to military options?" Anakin asked. "Rule by fear?"

He didn't sound remotely judgmental, but given his past, he wouldn't.

"No, not rule by fear," Joker insisted, offended that Anakin would categorize it that way. "Rule by law." Which was totally different in this case, really.

"And I'm not the one jumping to military options, here -- they are. Look, if someone robs a bank, are you going to ask them politely to give the money back? If someone is selling drugs, do you sit and negotiate something for them to sell instead? You break the law, you face the consequences -- that's all there is to it." Joker shrugged -- and then smirked. "Plus, we could so totally kick their asses."

Anakin waved his head. "Turned out in the end...not so much."

"Seriously?"

Joker frowned, mentally readjusting. "So... we're talking avoiding war, here, and not just smacking down some pirates? That changes things."

He tried to think. "If they're pulling something this crazy-stupid over money, they're probably not going to give it up unless we give them money, which is just going to make them more likely to do it again. Is there anything they want that we can give them without compromising galactic security? Can we offer some sort of technology, but sabotage it so that if they go nuts again we can shut it down?"

Anakin nodded, a small smile playing across his face. "They rely heavily on droid technology and their droids are notoriously stupid."

"Well, you wouldn't want them to have intelligent droids, would you?!?" Joker asked. It was the idea of intelligent droids themselves, and not who had them, that caused the horrified look on his face. "At least they're only violating some galactic conventions?"

"Why wouldn't you want intelligent droids?" Anakin asked. "Threepio's a little anxious, but he's fluent in over 6 million forms of communication..."

"Because of the Geth," Joker replied. "...Which you probably haven't heard of. Still getting used to this whole 'other universes' thing. Okay, so let's put it like this: machines are tools. They do crap jobs for no pay and have no rights. As soon as one of them is intelligent and self-aware enough to be pissed off by that, us meatbags are royally screwed."

How to Make Friends and Influence People [Tuesday, January 14, 2014]

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