Kaidan Alenko (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
not_a_whiner) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2013-07-23 01:34 pm
not_a_whiner) wrote in fandomhigh2013-07-23 01:34 pm
Entry tags:
Coping With Loss, Tuesday, Third Period
"Hey," Kaidan greeted the class. "Come in, get settled."
They were probably going to do that anyway, Alenko.
"Thanks to everyone who turned in their tests last week. And... thanks to anyone who filled it in at all, even if you got rid of it. It's good to start talking about this." His therapist told him that, anyway. "Today we're going to be talking about the influence of diversity on the ways we cope. Environment, ethnicity, gender, it all factors into how we handle grief."
His eyes briefly flitted past Cade. "'Cause we all deal with that differently," he said. "Even in married couples, you'll see that one half will deal differently than the other, leading to friction."
He took to the whiteboard. "The books generally recognize four major influences on the grieving process," he said. "First, culture and ethnicity. Every culture has a different relationship with loss: how long you're supposed to mourn, how men and women are supposed to react, coping strategies, extended family. It all factors in." He wrote that one down.
"Second, gender. Now, some old research specifically states that women are more likely to be the caregivers, while men deal with the pragmatic details. But that's just averages. In some cases, these kind of averages might even lead to expectations that muddle our ability to grieve. So I don't want to focus on that one too much, but... if you want to, we can talk about it." He jotted it down.
"Religion, obviously," he said, writing it out. "Our beliefs and what spiritual support we think we can expect. Religion serves as kind of an anchor to a lot of people. That changes their grieving process. And finally, there's family beliefs. Each family has its own way of looking at the world. Each family expects a certain kind of grieving process from its members."
He turned back towards the class.
"Today, I want you guys to talk about what factors you think are at play in your own background. You can be as detailed or as vague as you want, but sharing helps."
They were probably going to do that anyway, Alenko.
"Thanks to everyone who turned in their tests last week. And... thanks to anyone who filled it in at all, even if you got rid of it. It's good to start talking about this." His therapist told him that, anyway. "Today we're going to be talking about the influence of diversity on the ways we cope. Environment, ethnicity, gender, it all factors into how we handle grief."
His eyes briefly flitted past Cade. "'Cause we all deal with that differently," he said. "Even in married couples, you'll see that one half will deal differently than the other, leading to friction."
He took to the whiteboard. "The books generally recognize four major influences on the grieving process," he said. "First, culture and ethnicity. Every culture has a different relationship with loss: how long you're supposed to mourn, how men and women are supposed to react, coping strategies, extended family. It all factors in." He wrote that one down.
"Second, gender. Now, some old research specifically states that women are more likely to be the caregivers, while men deal with the pragmatic details. But that's just averages. In some cases, these kind of averages might even lead to expectations that muddle our ability to grieve. So I don't want to focus on that one too much, but... if you want to, we can talk about it." He jotted it down.
"Religion, obviously," he said, writing it out. "Our beliefs and what spiritual support we think we can expect. Religion serves as kind of an anchor to a lot of people. That changes their grieving process. And finally, there's family beliefs. Each family has its own way of looking at the world. Each family expects a certain kind of grieving process from its members."
He turned back towards the class.
"Today, I want you guys to talk about what factors you think are at play in your own background. You can be as detailed or as vague as you want, but sharing helps."
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
Unfortunately for Evan, he'd been noticed but Flick wasn't in a rush to talk about his background either. He didn't want to talk about it at all.
"Maybe nod occasionally like someone said something interesting, even."
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
And by 'all that well,' he meant 'at all.'
And mostly, it was because he actually didn't feel like crying in class today.
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
"You're aware of what affects you in your background and so am I. Me sharing with you isn't gonna help me. And vice versa."
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
"Things were really good, and then things weren't. I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people who can say something like that, or else there wouldn't be a need for a class like this at all," he murmured. He had to at least touch on the topic. Vaguely. Professor Alenko had said vague was okay. So... there. Vague. "That's kind of what makes it 'loss,' right?"
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
"Some people never have a reason to learn how, until they find themselves at rock bottom with no idea where to go from there." He scuffed his toe against the floor a little. "And then, if they need help, how do they know who to trust? Even if people are offering hands to pull them out again, a lot of those hands belong to the people who... who pushed."
Evan wrinkled his nose a little. He was getting lost in the metaphor, now, but at least it was still working. He hoped.
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
"Which means some people stay on the bottom and just learn to live with it."
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
Evan really, really had no clue. He had no intention of staying on the bottom, either, but if that was going to be his lot in life anyway, this was something he wanted to know.
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
He had experience with that since he was pretty much always circling the bottom. "It becomes normal."
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
"Seems like a pretty awful sort of normal," he noted, softly. "If that's how it stays forever, why even have a class like this one?"
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
Sorry Evan, Flick wasn't an idealist. Or optimistic. Or a soft touch.
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
"So... I take it you're not in this class by choice, huh?"
It didn't seem like the sort of thing that someone would take when they thought the subject matter was for people who were delusional.
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
And yet he hadn't left yet. That was something to get pissed about later. When he was alone.
Re: Pair Up and Discuss
Even if he was pretty sure it wasn't quite the same thing.
Re: Pair Up and Discuss