fandomhigh | Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2

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living on the outskirts

Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2

"Once upon a time," Jono said, speaking without preamble as he walked into the classroom looking fairly well-rested, even if he smelled a little like Mr. Clean, "there was this bloke who didn't stand a chance in hell of fitting in, back home. He was, on top of being a little antisocial to start with, a mutant, hated and feared by humanity because his genes were a little different. And, beyond that... Well..." He held up a photo of himself in his X-Men days for the classroom to see, face unwrapped and fire twisting violently around him. "... Frankly, he was a little terrifying. Even other mutants, people with the same problems as him, shrank away from him as though he was a monster."

He managed to deliver that line in a fairly cavalier sort of way. It still stung, but the point was mostly moot, these days.

"And then, through an accident of fate or by the power of Fandom or after tripping into some strange sentient mist - don't ask - he found his way here. Here, surrounded by humans, aliens, mutants, fairies... So many people who were other, it was probably absurd of him to assume that they'd consider him all that different in the first place. He continued to be standoffish, continued to assume that there was no way anybody here could come to accept him as anything but what the people back home made plainly clear they saw him as.

"And then he found love. He found love twice, actually, both times with people who weren't quite normal themselves, and both times with young women that only cared to see him for who he was, not what he was. He had a hand in saving the day right alongside people that he's still proud to this day to have known as friends. Hell, he was even voted Prom King the year he graduated, and he's still half-convinced that the entire senior class had been drinking the spiked punch a little early when that decision came about."

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"The point is, even when he went home, he held on to that. He was still a mutant, still different in a way that wasn't going to ever let him really fit in, but he wasn't entirely so hesitant to let himself be happy, either. And if, to this day, the only regrets he really has are the result of things that are well beyond his control, well... then his time here wasn't a complete waste, and it's really no wonder he ultimately chose to come back here to teach this class, is it?"

Come on. Like you didn't see that one coming, kids.

"So, how about you lot? Any 'oh, I'm actually not as alone as I thought I was' stories to share about this place since you came here? You don't have to go quite as in-depth as I did. I hardly expect visual aides or anything. But I suspect I'm not the only one in this room who was surprised to find that I belonged somewhere, after being so resigned to the prospect of spending the rest of my life hated, feared, and hunted for what I was."

[Open! Sharing and caring time is now!]

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"They were trick-or-treating on Wednesday," Sholeh said fondly. "All the little kid books were be escorted around by the parenting section and some of the craft books were acting as decorations. It was really cute."

Going from talking about the whimsical nature of the library to being threatened was kind of an emotional whiplash.

"No way!" she blurted out, surprised it was even a question. "Everyone I've met here is really nice! I went to a party once and people talked to me, and no one seems to care that I'm a mousy little bookworm. In fact, lots of people are!"

Jono took a moment to try to picture the books trick-or-treating, and then found himself almost sorry that he hadn't taken time away from the haunted house to go see.

"There is a definite appreciation for books around here," Jono agreed, smiling and nodding a little. "Sorry, luv. I'm just trying to get a handle on why you get so nervous when there are things that you can't share with the class. I know my class activities are often discussion-based, but up and sharing your deepest secrets is never mandatory. You won't be penalized for not telling a room full of possible near-strangers anything of a more... sensitive nature."

"I--"

She did glance towards the door for a moment, as if she were debating how quickly she could flee the room.

"I guess...it's not that I don't want to share, exactly," she mumbled. "I just can't. I get scared and anxious and sometimes I really, really want to, but I know I can't. And...and...I'm supposed to be pretending to be completely normal, but I'm bad at that, I know I am! But it seems so rude, pretending to be normal when other people are telling the truth."

She flattened against her chair. "I feel like a liar. A liar that everyone knows is lying. I'm a lying liar who lies and isn't even good at lying."

Jono nodded faintly, considering that before reaching for that photo of him with his face torn asunder by flame, and passing it over to her.

"I tried to hide that, you know," he shared. "It didn't last long, mind. It's not exactly an easy thing to hide. Some people wear their differences for the world to see, whether they want to or not. I couldn't speak, not without a mouth. Just... mind-to-mind. It's all I had. And that did cause some trouble for me, from time to time."

You know, just for the sake of sharing, and all. No reason.

"Smelled to high heaven of burning skin, too, even when I wrapped that mess in leather. Really, there wasn't much of a point in trying, not for me. Other people, I assume, have had better luck over the years."

He was quiet for a long moment before he glanced up from the photo.

"You're not made to lie, luv. Some people just can't do it. The lie just eats away, until nothing quite feels right any more."

"But I have to," Sholeh whispered, staring at her shoes and her hands firmly clenched together. "I have to. This isn't just my secret to keep. And there's no one like me in the whole school and if everyone knew what w--I was, they'd hate me. Or be afraid of me. I don't even know what's worse."

Jono raised an eyebrow at that, and then glanced at the door for a moment.

"You... know I used to date the living incarnation of Death herself? And then after that, the daughter of the most powerful demon in her reality? I think it would take something especially horrific to make me hate or fear you, luv."

Besides, he was pretty positive that he had more innocent blood on his own hands than she'd see on hers in her entire life.

"Daughter of a demon?" Yeah, go figure why that was the one that caught Sholeh's attention the most. "They let demons go to school here?"

Granted, they'd let one teach, which still left Sholeh boggling, but it seemed so much less likely to her that they'd let one enroll with the other students and take classes and things.

"They let everyone go to school here," Jono replied, nodding faintly. "Raven was hardly the only demon to come to this school over th'years. She had a gift, you know... she just wanted to help the people around her. It didn't take long before students around here stopped thinking that 'demon' was synonymous with 'evil.'"

He tilted his head at Sholeh thoughtfully. Was that what the girl thought she was? A demon?

And making the same verbal near-slips as the two in the park, who had mentioned her there. She shared a name with at least one of them, though he was sure the other had given him an alias. They were three, in there, then.

"Nobody is any different from anyone else here, luv. Not demon, not mutant or god or human or borrower or werewolf or ghost. Who has any right to throw stones around here, when nobody here actually fits in the first place?"

"Who ever has the right to throw stones?" Sholeh asked, bitterness coming through that questions. "Figurative or literal? Who has the right to beat people or kill them or even just make them feel bad about themselves? Nobody! But they do it anyway. All the time. Being here can't always protect you, either. Mercy could die for what she told us. Another person I know got a mean email where someone made him look like a clown! Neither of things are right, but they still happen!"

"They still happen, and that's life," Jono replied. "But the people who could come after Mercy, they're not here. If they were to come here, they'd have to come through a good many of Mercy's friends in order to get to her, and I don't think they'd stand a chance."

Call it a hunch, after so many years of Fandom.

"And as for your other friend... where did that e-mail come from, do you know? If it's from anyone here on the island, I can keep an eye out, see if there's anything to be done about it. It's my job as a teacher, you know. I mean, keeping all of you safe. Emotionally and physically."

"It wasn't here on the island," Sholeh grudgingly admitted. "I checked. It was someone from his old school. I asked him about it and he just played it off. Like he was used to getting picked on so it shouldn't have hurt him even though I could tell it did."

Sure, the perpetrator wasn't here in Fandom. But a student was still being bullied and if Sholeh hadn't accidentally stumbled upon him, no one ever would have known.

"That may be true on the island, that people are nice and good and understanding, but no one can guarantee what happens off of it, either."

"Nobody can," Jono allowed. "But there's no reason that you have to drop your act off of the island." A beat. "When I graduated, it was right back to bandages over my face and pretending I was a mute burn victim. Back home, suspicion of being a mutant meant that the wrath of every bigot in the county would rain down upon you... And it did, back in Massachusetts. A handful of us were singled out as different. Someone threw a firebomb into the room of a friend of mine. Another one didn't live to see graduation."

He was quiet for a moment, pausing to pay silent respects to Everett. He had been a good man, and had died a hero.

"But that wasn't here. I came back here specifically because it was safe. People might look at me strangely here, not knowing what to make of my face, but there's no open hostility. There's no extermination program with weapons designed to hunt out my very genetic makeup. If what happened on the island ever followed me home, it was in the form of the occasional weirdness... and in the form of friends who have dropped everything to come to my nightmare of a home to save innocent lives."

Keep it about him. Try to sketch that parallel. Don't point fingers, or let on that he knew what she was. He didn't want her to spook and run any more than he'd wanted Zee to, in the park.

"But--but--" Sholeh waved her hands, frustrated she wasn't explaining herself well. Of course, this was closest she'd ever come to talking back to a teacher at all, so it was probably impressive that she could speak at all, really.

"Mercy says not to talk about her in a world that could be hers. I don't know what world is hers. So, maybe I start talking to someone off the island. Maybe I say too much or just say the wrong thing. Someone finds out. The wrong person finds out. Then maybe Mercy ends up getting killed. Or maybe she's fine, she stays on the island, safe and secure, and maybe people come and attack her people and there's a war and people she knows and cares about end up dead." Sholeh looked up at Mr. Starsmore, her eyes bright and wet, but her chin taut and set. "That can happen, you know. Sometimes people just say the wrong thing at the wrong time and others end up paying for it. Secrets are usually secrets for a reason. A good reason. So does it really matter how much I want to tell my secret if it means that people could end up hurt or dead? What am I compared to that?"

"What are you? You're only three people, Sholeh, compared to all of that."

Look, someone had to just out and say it and get it over with, already.

"But if the three of you can't be yourselves in a world so completely removed from your own, where you've all been toeing that line already... My opinion, for all it's worth, is that it would be better to out and let people here firmly understand what information can't under any circumstances leave the island, than to risk having people speculate about it in the open. We're on your side, Sholeh, no matter how many secrets you have. The last thing anyone wants is for anyone to get hurt."

Sholeh had no words for that. None at all. She had open-mouthed gaping and some flailing and even the odd noise or two from her mouth, but no actual words.

Zhahar's voice was tentative. *He...kind of knows about us.*

::?!??!?!::

=We met in a park months ago now. We tried not to give anything away, but he's pretty smart.= Even Zeela sounded ashamed of that.

::!!!!!::

*Sorry,* they chorused.

"WHAT?!" Sholeh finally managed to screech and it was only half directed at Jono.

Jono was vaguely aware that he was probably missing out on some sort of internal dialogue, there. He was going to just smile wryly and stick a finger in his ear.

Ow.

"Met your sisters in a park a few months ago. Had an interesting talk with... Zee?" A beat. "Though I'm fairly certain that wasn't her actual name. And the other one."

Zhahar and Zeela, he knew. From Sholeh's own name. But he was kind of trying to keep the other two out of too much trouble, at this point. Even if Zeela had called him a freak.

"For what it's worth, I'm fairly certain I can keep a secret better than you can."

Oh, he was defintitely missing out on something, all right. Namely a furious interrogation and chastisement of her sisters that most people in Fandom would doubt Sholeh capable of. Angry tears stood out in her eyes, eyes that would sometimes change color if Jono was paying attention, flipping from Sholeh's green to a pale blue to a dark brown and back again within moments. Her features shifted ever-so-slightly as well, becoming indistinct before snapping into sharp definition again.

"And you!" she snapped, finally turning her attention on Jono. All concern about him being a teacher, being an adult gone in the blistering heat of anger and hurt and betrayal was gone. It probably wouldn't even occur to her to worry about it for several hours yet. "So if you've known all this time, then why did you dance around it, huh? Why did you pretend to care whether or not I said something? You've already known for months and didn't say! What--is this some kind of joke to you?!"

Yup. Little Sholeh actually had quite the temper when she was provoked. Who knew?

"It wasn't my place to say," Jono replied, giving his shoulders a shrug. He took the temper rather mildly, all things considered. He figured he probably deserved the yelling-at, in retrospect. "A secret of this magnitude is hardly a joke, Sholeh, and if and when it comes out, it won't be me that makes that decision for you. I danced around it because the last time the topic came up, I was called a freak before your sisters darted off into the night. I didn't want to frighten you the same way, not knowing if they'd mentioned anything to you or not."

Yes, Zeela. He was going to hold on to that freak comment until the day he died.

"Believe it or no, I do actually care. For all the reasons I've said before, and more. I don't know anything about your people, except that you think yourselves to be demons and you're afraid that people finding out about you will reflect back on and hurt them, but I know more than a thing or two about pretending to be something you're not."

=He was being freaky,= Zeela muttered defensively.

::I'm not even TALKING to you right now,:: Sholeh snapped. ::I'll just add 'insulting a teacher' on my list of reasons why I'm not!::

*Sholeh, please...*

::NOT. TALKING!::

"Your experience isn't my experience," Sholeh said stubborn. "When my sisters aren't deliberately making things worse, I can hide and pretend! No one ever has to know!"

"You slip," Jono replied. "You said yourself, Sholeh, it's obvious that you have a secret. And have you any idea how often you almost say 'we?' How many other times have Zeela and Zhahar been out and about? I'm not likely to be the only person here to know that they exist at all, am I?"

He tilted his head at her, looking more thoughtful than anything.

"My experience isn't yours, you're right enough about that. So perhaps sometime you might want to take a peek through the yearbooks in the library. See just how many of those faces aren't human. Watch the haunted looks fade from their eyes as they get closer to graduation. They're there, you know. People who have seen their people be slaughtered for simply being what they are. Systematically eradicated, pushed to the brink of extinction, from tens of millions to mere hundreds. That's my experience, luv. Not yours? Fair enough. But I see the faces of the slaughtered when I close my eyes at night, people who have been herded into death camps because of a quirk of genetics. I know first-hand that there's no such thing as a limit to humanity's cruelty. Don't go presuming that you're the only one here who's been given reason enough to be afraid."

"Then you should be more understanding of my desire not to say anything," Sholeh said, all stubbornness now. "Because you do know how terrifying it can be. Would you be so pro-tell everyone if you could have hidden?"

She'd wanted that to come out all accusatory, but there was a note of honest curiosity in there anyway.

"There was a phrase for people who were, whether they had the ability to hide or not," Jono replied, raising an eyebrow. "'Mutant and Proud,' they'd say. In my time here, I was... possibly the only one who couldn't hide easily."

What with the voice, and all. Even Kurt had his image inducer.

"That said, those who tried to hide nearly all wound up giving in and coming clean eventually. Some continued to tell themselves that nobody knew after showing what they were over and over, but we... let them cling to that illusion. It made them feel better, I suppose."

None of that actually answered her question, so he finally shrugged his shoulders and got down to it.

"If I could've hid, I might've. But not out of fear. I was never afraid for myself, or that someone would see me and run back to my world and start outing mutants by the score. I would've hid out of shame, I think. I had too many regrets, and this place was a clean slate where I didn't have to face them down unless I wanted to."

"I'm not ashamed," Sholeh said staunchly. "I'm proud not to be a one-face. I have two of the best sisters in the world. When they're not being jerks, I mean."

The silence in her head was tinged with shame and regret.

"But I'm not just going to break all our rules because of a...rousing speech," she continued. "They're trusting me. And if it comes out that I told people, I'd have to go away."

"Interesting way to put it," Jono mused, eyebrow still raised. "Proud to not be what we are, as opposed to telling me that you're proud to be what you are?"

He wasn't certain if she had meant that as some sort of attempt at rubbing it in his face that he was inferior, or if she hadn't even been aware that she'd phrased it that way, but she could be sure as hell that he was going to point it out.

"Nobody's forcing you to tell anybody, Sholeh. If I had any intention of taking away your choice, I've had more than ample opportunity to out you myself. Ask your sisters just how long ago I ran into them, sometime." He shrugged his shoulders. "If you don't want to tell people, that's completely your prerogative. But I'm going to hold by my previous assessment- You're absolute cack at lying about it. If you're not going to come clean, you're going to want to work on your acting skills, because the way you're covering it up is only going to rouse more suspicion than any self-respecting liar wants on their hands."

"I'm proud of that, too," Sholeh said. "But we're always surrounded by one--" a moment's pause, "--by the singly-aspected who can't ever fathom what it's like to be different from what they are. And I'm proud of being different."

A thought occurred to her then, deflating her a little. "Proud, even though I can't show it."

She wasn't going to dignify his comments about lying with a response. Mostly because it was true and she knew it.

Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2

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