fandomhigh | Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2

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living on the outskirts

Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2

"Once upon a time," Jono said, speaking without preamble as he walked into the classroom looking fairly well-rested, even if he smelled a little like Mr. Clean, "there was this bloke who didn't stand a chance in hell of fitting in, back home. He was, on top of being a little antisocial to start with, a mutant, hated and feared by humanity because his genes were a little different. And, beyond that... Well..." He held up a photo of himself in his X-Men days for the classroom to see, face unwrapped and fire twisting violently around him. "... Frankly, he was a little terrifying. Even other mutants, people with the same problems as him, shrank away from him as though he was a monster."

He managed to deliver that line in a fairly cavalier sort of way. It still stung, but the point was mostly moot, these days.

"And then, through an accident of fate or by the power of Fandom or after tripping into some strange sentient mist - don't ask - he found his way here. Here, surrounded by humans, aliens, mutants, fairies... So many people who were other, it was probably absurd of him to assume that they'd consider him all that different in the first place. He continued to be standoffish, continued to assume that there was no way anybody here could come to accept him as anything but what the people back home made plainly clear they saw him as.

"And then he found love. He found love twice, actually, both times with people who weren't quite normal themselves, and both times with young women that only cared to see him for who he was, not what he was. He had a hand in saving the day right alongside people that he's still proud to this day to have known as friends. Hell, he was even voted Prom King the year he graduated, and he's still half-convinced that the entire senior class had been drinking the spiked punch a little early when that decision came about."

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"The point is, even when he went home, he held on to that. He was still a mutant, still different in a way that wasn't going to ever let him really fit in, but he wasn't entirely so hesitant to let himself be happy, either. And if, to this day, the only regrets he really has are the result of things that are well beyond his control, well... then his time here wasn't a complete waste, and it's really no wonder he ultimately chose to come back here to teach this class, is it?"

Come on. Like you didn't see that one coming, kids.

"So, how about you lot? Any 'oh, I'm actually not as alone as I thought I was' stories to share about this place since you came here? You don't have to go quite as in-depth as I did. I hardly expect visual aides or anything. But I suspect I'm not the only one in this room who was surprised to find that I belonged somewhere, after being so resigned to the prospect of spending the rest of my life hated, feared, and hunted for what I was."

[Open! Sharing and caring time is now!]

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"I'm not a were anything," mercy said with a half-smile. "Believe me, they're quick enough to point that out at every opportunity. But it's okay, you didn't offend me at all. I figure if I'm going to do this, I'm going to doit, so I'll answer whatever anyone wants to know."

Sholeh was relieved to hear that she hadn't caused offence and darted a quick smile Mercy's way. "So what's the difference between a walker and a...were? What is a were, anyway? Why don't they let you forget that you're different? Are there lots of weres in other places? Why is it a secret? What--?"

*Breathe, Sholeh,* Zhahar chided. *Don't scare her off.*

"Sorry," she said a moment later. "Sometimes I get so curious, I forget to be polite."

For the first time since she'd started this whole show and tell, Mercy really smiled. Sholeh's curiousity actually made her feel a little better.

"I've never actually met another walker, so the information I have isn't that complete, I'm sure," she explained. "It's a sort of Native American supernatural creature. I was born this way. Werewolves shift into wolves and they have to be made." Except for Charles, but she wasn't going to get into that now.

"You have to be horribly savaged by a werewolf to become one. In the pack I lived with once a year anyone who hoped to become one could present themselves to try. A lot of them died, especially the women." Like her foster mother.

"The women can't have kids because, unlike mine, their shift is long and painful. I can, so that automatically made the female werewolves unhappy with me." To put it lightly. "And like I said, wolves kill coyotes in nature, so their instincts are to want to drive me away or kill me. Since they couldn't... And well, I'm also outside the pack structure and in that society rank is everything. I had none, so..."

"And for the last... if humans knew werewolves existed, they'd just see them as monsters and try to wipe them out. The werewolves would have to fight back to defend themselves and that would just be ugly. So they're only allowed to tell their spouses once they're married."

"Ooooh," Sholeh said, her hand twitching like she wished she were taking notes. "This is fascinating! Except the people dying part. That's sad."

And it was! It just...sort of didn't make it any less fascinating. It might have made it moreso, considering the element of tragedy.

"Do you know where walkers and coyotes come from?" she asked. "I mean, their origins? Are there any stories or legends about that? And while I understand that wolves don't like coyotes, but...aren't coyotes pack animals, too? Once they grumpily accepted you, couldn't they find a way to fit you into the structure? Or am I confused about how that works?"

Mercy shook her head. "I'm not sure anyone knows where they came from - either of them," she admitted. "But there are lots of stories and legends about werewolves, even among the humans who think it's all just fiction."

"Coyotes are pack animals, but the packs are smaller and might just be a female and her pups. They're structured like a wolf pack, but they're a lot more adaptable. Werewolves are much more aggressively territorial than even real wolves. And there's magic that makes them pack, so even if they'd wanted to take in an outsider, it wouldn't work."

"That sounds lonely," Sholeh said without thinking, then crimsoned and clapped her hand over her mouth. "Sorry." The words were muffled. "Sometimes I talk before I think--and forget to be polite again."

"No, you're right," Mercy said. "It was lonely. Really lonely sometimes. My foster parents were great till they died, but the next two years were pretty hard."

Sholeh winced again. "I can't imagine that," she said, all honesty. "Not having any family to be there with you and not feeling like you belong at the same time...I'm glad you're here at Fandom. Umm, I mean, I know it's not my place to say or anything! It just sounds like you might have found people here to trust and care for you.""

Mercy felt her eyes welling up again. "Thanks, Sholeh. I hope I have."

Sholeh noticed Mercy had tears in her eyes and rushed to hand over a hanky. It was one of her own, embroidered with an SZZ in the corner. "I'm sorry!" she said, a little frantic. "I didn't mean to make you cry!"

"No, no, it's okay," Mercy said, rubbing at her face. "Just I've been so scared about telling people and everyone's being so nice to me."

"I can imagine what that must be like," Sholeh said softly. "It's been laying on you, this big heavy weight that you've had to drag around and it makes you lie to people and even if you don't lie you still can't be completely honest with them and you feel ashamed of yourself for not being truthful and you feel like you might be ashamed of who you are and that feels doubly awful and..."

Sholeh realized that she might be getting a little too specific here.

"At least, that's how I imagine it must feel," she finished lamely.

That was pretty much exactly what it was like. She nodded. "You're right." And there was some sort of scent she couldn't quite place, maybe as if the words meant even more than they'd appeared.

"I'm so tired of hiding who and what I am."

"But you said that people might kill you," Sholeh pointed out, biting her lip and now smelling slightly of fear. "Isn't that worse than hiding? And...and, what if people are afraid of you? Or hate you? Wouldn't you rather have stayed hidden, then?"

She glanced away and then back up to Mercy's eyes. "No matter how much better you feel now, isn't it best overall to choose the safer option?"

The smell of fear was clear to Mercy and she realized that this was more than just a question about her story so she chose her words carefully. "I'm not sure I'd reveal myself back in my world. It could be too dangerous. Even if the werewolves didn't kill me, the government might just decide to experiment on me."

"But here..." She let out a deep breath. "No one's going to hurt me for what I am here. Not without having to go through a lot of other people, judging by the response of people just here in this class. And as Jono pointed out to me, nobody here really has a leg to stand on in terms of judging someone who's different."

"I've hidden myself here for almost a year and a half and I realized at the Homecoming Dance just how bad I felt inside not changing and almost trying to get rid of everything I was. So, I decided to take a risk in a safe place. But even before... I'd told a couple of people I thought I could trust and that made it easier."

She ducked her head, letting her hair fall forward for a moment to cover her motions as she scribbled something on a piece of paper and folded it up. When she looked back up she reached out to touch Sholeh's hand gently, sliding the paper to her. "I truly believe the people here are safe to trust."

The note simply said, 'If you want to talk sometime, I'll listen.'

Sholeh's eyes flicked down to read the paper. First she flushed and then she paled, and then stuttered to her feet. The fear-smell was worse now. "I don't--I mean, I'm just--"

She couldn't get the words out to assure Mercy that she was completely normal and boring. She just wasn't that good of a liar.

"I'm just curious," she whispered, her eyes on her lap now. "Just curious. That's all."

"It's okay," Mercy said soothingly. "Nothing wrong with being curious. I'm happy to answer any questions you have, now or later. Or we don't ever have to bring it up again."

Sholeh nodded hastily and said, "I should probably stop bothering you in class right now though."

Mercy could almost certainly see through that for the painfully bad excuse is was.

"B-but I am still interested in talking to you," she added in a rush, as if she were trying to get it all out at once before she had to be quiet again. "I hope maybe we can talk again sometime."

And then she fled, mumbling something about having to use the ladies' room.

"I'd like that," Mercy said as Sholeh started to leave, then just watched feeling worried and hoping the other girl was going to be okay.

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Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2

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