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fandomhigh2012-09-20 10:47 am
hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2012-09-20 10:47 am
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How To Not Do Things, Thursday, Period One
Today when they showed up for class, April's students would find the classroom set up like an office, complete with a desk for each of them, giant outdated computers, annoyingly shrill telephones, and a water cooler toward the back that kept humming in an obnoxious manner that might make someone want to hit it with something very heavy. Like one of those giant outdated computers, for example.
"So this is an office, in case you're from some weird world without boring people," April shared. "I figured if you ever get stuck working in one of these, you should know some tricks so you don't want to kill yourself by the end of the first day. So here are some tips."
She cleared her throat. "Every computer has games on it," she began. "So those are good ways to waste time. If you go to Start → Programs → Games, there should be a few. And I'm not gonna tell you how to play them because you can waste time figuring that out, but yeah. Those can help."
"Also," she continued, "there are about fifty wrong ways to answer the phone so you don't have to talk to anyone. Basically if you answer it and forget to hit the flashy red thing, you can talk to no one for like five minutes and no one'll notice unless the lines get swamped."
That one probably spoke for itself.
"And finally, if anyone ever wants to schedule a meeting with you, do March thirty-first because it doesn't exist," April continued easily, even though she was completely wrong on that point, "and whenever you get lunch, never get anything you can eat with your hands so no one will expect you to multitask."
The April Ludgate Philosophy of Laziness, ladies and gentlemen.
"So now if anyone else has any ideas for avoiding work, go ahead and talk," she said. "Or ask questions or whatever the hell. But if you guys run out of stuff to say, you have to do spreadsheets for the rest of class."
Actually she'd be very disappointed if anyone went ahead and did spreadsheets instead of playing games or openly texting. But she wasn't going to tell them that in advance.
"So this is an office, in case you're from some weird world without boring people," April shared. "I figured if you ever get stuck working in one of these, you should know some tricks so you don't want to kill yourself by the end of the first day. So here are some tips."
She cleared her throat. "Every computer has games on it," she began. "So those are good ways to waste time. If you go to Start → Programs → Games, there should be a few. And I'm not gonna tell you how to play them because you can waste time figuring that out, but yeah. Those can help."
"Also," she continued, "there are about fifty wrong ways to answer the phone so you don't have to talk to anyone. Basically if you answer it and forget to hit the flashy red thing, you can talk to no one for like five minutes and no one'll notice unless the lines get swamped."
That one probably spoke for itself.
"And finally, if anyone ever wants to schedule a meeting with you, do March thirty-first because it doesn't exist," April continued easily, even though she was completely wrong on that point, "and whenever you get lunch, never get anything you can eat with your hands so no one will expect you to multitask."
The April Ludgate Philosophy of Laziness, ladies and gentlemen.
"So now if anyone else has any ideas for avoiding work, go ahead and talk," she said. "Or ask questions or whatever the hell. But if you guys run out of stuff to say, you have to do spreadsheets for the rest of class."
Actually she'd be very disappointed if anyone went ahead and did spreadsheets instead of playing games or openly texting. But she wasn't going to tell them that in advance.
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Listen to the Lecture
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One of these days, he was going to lose his eyebrows or something.
Ah well.
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Well, that, and the fact that no sane manager would hire him.
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Because yes, Sparkle, good luck getting hired like that.
"But sure."
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... Wasn't it? It should be.
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See, he was totally prepared to learn all he could from the guru, this semester.
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"Spreadsheets"!
Talk to Maeby
Talk to April
OOC