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fandomhigh2012-06-11 03:08 am
boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2012-06-11 03:08 am
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Diversity and You, Class #6, Period #2, June 11th
Today, the succubus teaching class was dressed for a day at the beach: bikini top, sarong bottom, flip-flops, and sunglasses perched on top of her head.
No, you were not meeting at the Danger Shop. Or the beach. Just the classroom. Some of you weren't cool enough to come along. And by "some" she meant "all."
"Demons are awesome," Callie said, without any preamble. "We just are. We have a higher body temperature than humans, we can withstand fire, and we're not bogged down by morality. Yes, we buy and sell souls, but really, what are you using yours for? That's strictly a philosophical question, by the way. Feel free to discuss the metaphysical implications of selling your soul, but minors can't sell their souls without parental permission, so none of you are eligible."
Besides, the school would probably frown on that.
"You saw New Hell -- all of you went and shopped, and returned here completely unharmed. We're just participating in the marketplace of ideas. We're misunderstood. We even offer 30-day money-back guarantees on selling your souls. Again, that's just a hypothetical. No one here's allowed to do it."
And by "frown on it" Callie meant "fire her."
"So I was going to have Daddy show up here to be a guest speaker -- Daddy's the CEO of Hell right now -- but he got stuck with a huge presentation and canceled. And then I sulked, and I sat down and I entirely rewrote today's lesson to be about how fathers are huge disappointments and let you down. So then last night, Daddy called me back and told me about a conference he needs to go to. In Cancun."
Yes, they had just had a demon convention in Atlantic City. So what? Demons loved conventions. You got to mingle and schmooze a lot. Plus, free swag. Pointless crap that existed only for marketing. It was so banal and so evil all at once.
"And he can't go, because of the presentation and some other mess with the Mayans, so he's sending me. So I'm catching a plane in ..." Callie checked the clock at the back of the classroom. "... like twenty minutes, so I'm probably not going to answer any of your dumb questions. Because they're dumb. But demons are amazing. So to recap: demons good, don't sell your soul until at least college, and I'm so going to be drunk on the beach in four hours. Any questions?"
No, you were not meeting at the Danger Shop. Or the beach. Just the classroom. Some of you weren't cool enough to come along. And by "some" she meant "all."
"Demons are awesome," Callie said, without any preamble. "We just are. We have a higher body temperature than humans, we can withstand fire, and we're not bogged down by morality. Yes, we buy and sell souls, but really, what are you using yours for? That's strictly a philosophical question, by the way. Feel free to discuss the metaphysical implications of selling your soul, but minors can't sell their souls without parental permission, so none of you are eligible."
Besides, the school would probably frown on that.
"You saw New Hell -- all of you went and shopped, and returned here completely unharmed. We're just participating in the marketplace of ideas. We're misunderstood. We even offer 30-day money-back guarantees on selling your souls. Again, that's just a hypothetical. No one here's allowed to do it."
And by "frown on it" Callie meant "fire her."
"So I was going to have Daddy show up here to be a guest speaker -- Daddy's the CEO of Hell right now -- but he got stuck with a huge presentation and canceled. And then I sulked, and I sat down and I entirely rewrote today's lesson to be about how fathers are huge disappointments and let you down. So then last night, Daddy called me back and told me about a conference he needs to go to. In Cancun."
Yes, they had just had a demon convention in Atlantic City. So what? Demons loved conventions. You got to mingle and schmooze a lot. Plus, free swag. Pointless crap that existed only for marketing. It was so banal and so evil all at once.
"And he can't go, because of the presentation and some other mess with the Mayans, so he's sending me. So I'm catching a plane in ..." Callie checked the clock at the back of the classroom. "... like twenty minutes, so I'm probably not going to answer any of your dumb questions. Because they're dumb. But demons are amazing. So to recap: demons good, don't sell your soul until at least college, and I'm so going to be drunk on the beach in four hours. Any questions?"
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