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fandomhigh2012-05-13 10:45 pm
yakkoyaks.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2012-05-13 10:45 pm
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Steven Spielberg Presents: History!, Monday, Period 4
"You... might think that the Cold War was nothing... but the United States and... Soviet Union making a point to NOT blow each other away with nuclear... weapons even though they wanted each other to know that they could," Yakko said in a Very Serious Voice. Okay, it wasn't serious. It was a Shatner impression. That might make sense in a minute. "Or you may not have any idea what I'm talking about because you're way too young."
"But today, I want you to forget everything you either know or don't know because we're going to talk about the fun part of the Cold War before bringing it back to being really depressing!" He sounded somewhat enthusiastic about that. "I'm talking about THE SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"
A series of balls on strings dropped from the ceiling to simulate space. Naturally. Right next to Yakko were two specific balls. One was large and blue. The other was small and gray. Presumably these were supposed to be Earth and the moon, but it was probably best not to make assumptions. Even if they were correct.
"Back in the 1950's and 60's, the two superpowers," Yakko said, pointing at roughly where the US and USSR were located, "were trying to show off what they could do with rockets to help show off how easily they could blow each other up, and the best way to do it was to do something nobody had ever done before by going into space. The Soviet Union was the first to throw something into orbit with Sputnik 1 in 1957." A much smaller ball dropped down and Yakko used a table tennis paddle to send it orbiting around the Earth. "A month later they put the first living animal into orbit with a dog on Sputnik 2." Another ball dropped down and Yakko hit this one, too. It barked as orbited. "In 1961, they got a person into orbit with Yuri Gagarin on Vostok 1, but he got to come home." Another ball dropped down and started cursing in Russian when he hit it. After a few seconds of that, Sputnik 2 stopped barking.
"The US finally hit a record when Alan Shepard had the first manual control of space flight in '61. Feeling good after that record, US President John Kennedy set a new goal by saying Americans were going to land on the moon. In 1969, after 8 years of lots and lots and lots and lots of failures by both sides, America's Apollo 11 either landed on the moon and let had people walk on it," Yakko said, throwing a new ball at the moon and watching it stick, "or they faked it really well depending on how much you love conspiracy theories." And on that note, a hatch on the moon ball opened up and a cuckoo bird popped out to make noise for a few seconds.
Yakko snapped his fingers and all of the balls popped back up into the ceiling. He hopped onto a log that wasn't on the floor a second ago, in front of a campfire that definitely wasn't there before, and any smoke alarms that may have been in the room didn't seem to be going off for some reason. He was roasting a hot dog over the fire, which was going to be frankly terrible as a joke in a second. "But let's go back and talk about Sputnik 2. The dog on it was such a good girl named Laika, who everyone thought died of oxygen depletion after six days until the Russian government admitted in 2002 that she probably died from overheating within the first few hours."
For a second, Yakko looked like he realized the campfire was a bad idea. So he hid the fire and the hot dog behind his back. "But even if she didn't die of overheating and then asphyxiation, she probably would have died from boredom soon enough," he said. Actually, starvation was more likely, but he probably got rid of any goodwill he had with the hot dog thing. "So what we're going to do is design a playground for a space dog."
Yakko put on a hard hat and whistled as a group of construction workers walked into the classroom and dropped off a bunch of wood planks, hammers, nails, paint, brushes, and anything else the class might need for building dog houses or whatever else they might want to work with. They also put together a quick pen made from white picket fence sections. Yakko lugged a large bag labeled 'BAG OF PUPPIES' into the pen and opened it up. Sure enough, a bunch of adorable puppies scampered out of the bag.
"The puppies will be judging your work. And don't worry, they'll live through the end of class! Maybe even longer!"
Definitely longer. Don't worry. More than normal, at least.
"But today, I want you to forget everything you either know or don't know because we're going to talk about the fun part of the Cold War before bringing it back to being really depressing!" He sounded somewhat enthusiastic about that. "I'm talking about THE SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"
A series of balls on strings dropped from the ceiling to simulate space. Naturally. Right next to Yakko were two specific balls. One was large and blue. The other was small and gray. Presumably these were supposed to be Earth and the moon, but it was probably best not to make assumptions. Even if they were correct.
"Back in the 1950's and 60's, the two superpowers," Yakko said, pointing at roughly where the US and USSR were located, "were trying to show off what they could do with rockets to help show off how easily they could blow each other up, and the best way to do it was to do something nobody had ever done before by going into space. The Soviet Union was the first to throw something into orbit with Sputnik 1 in 1957." A much smaller ball dropped down and Yakko used a table tennis paddle to send it orbiting around the Earth. "A month later they put the first living animal into orbit with a dog on Sputnik 2." Another ball dropped down and Yakko hit this one, too. It barked as orbited. "In 1961, they got a person into orbit with Yuri Gagarin on Vostok 1, but he got to come home." Another ball dropped down and started cursing in Russian when he hit it. After a few seconds of that, Sputnik 2 stopped barking.
"The US finally hit a record when Alan Shepard had the first manual control of space flight in '61. Feeling good after that record, US President John Kennedy set a new goal by saying Americans were going to land on the moon. In 1969, after 8 years of lots and lots and lots and lots of failures by both sides, America's Apollo 11 either landed on the moon and let had people walk on it," Yakko said, throwing a new ball at the moon and watching it stick, "or they faked it really well depending on how much you love conspiracy theories." And on that note, a hatch on the moon ball opened up and a cuckoo bird popped out to make noise for a few seconds.
Yakko snapped his fingers and all of the balls popped back up into the ceiling. He hopped onto a log that wasn't on the floor a second ago, in front of a campfire that definitely wasn't there before, and any smoke alarms that may have been in the room didn't seem to be going off for some reason. He was roasting a hot dog over the fire, which was going to be frankly terrible as a joke in a second. "But let's go back and talk about Sputnik 2. The dog on it was such a good girl named Laika, who everyone thought died of oxygen depletion after six days until the Russian government admitted in 2002 that she probably died from overheating within the first few hours."
For a second, Yakko looked like he realized the campfire was a bad idea. So he hid the fire and the hot dog behind his back. "But even if she didn't die of overheating and then asphyxiation, she probably would have died from boredom soon enough," he said. Actually, starvation was more likely, but he probably got rid of any goodwill he had with the hot dog thing. "So what we're going to do is design a playground for a space dog."
Yakko put on a hard hat and whistled as a group of construction workers walked into the classroom and dropped off a bunch of wood planks, hammers, nails, paint, brushes, and anything else the class might need for building dog houses or whatever else they might want to work with. They also put together a quick pen made from white picket fence sections. Yakko lugged a large bag labeled 'BAG OF PUPPIES' into the pen and opened it up. Sure enough, a bunch of adorable puppies scampered out of the bag.
"The puppies will be judging your work. And don't worry, they'll live through the end of class! Maybe even longer!"
Definitely longer. Don't worry. More than normal, at least.
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Listen to the Lecture
Re: Listen to the Lecture
Re: Listen to the Lecture
"Uncool, puppy-teacher. Uncool."
Five seconds later, when she realized she'd just accidentally continued the terrible joke, that was when the facedesking happened.
Re: Listen to the Lecture
"Oh my god."
And ended like this, when the bag of puppies made its appearance:
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."
So . . . break-even thing, really.
Build a Space Puppy Playground
And don't forget to paint the word "SPACE" on everything. Because if you don't, Yakko will.
Re: Build a Space Puppy Playground
And then she could write "SPACE" on it so no one would say that didn't count.
Re: Build a Space Puppy Playground
Re: Build a Space Puppy Playground
"I kind of think this class might break physics, though," Stacey pointed out.
Re: Build a Space Puppy Playground
Which completely explained how their teacher could pull entire solar-system models out of his arse, or at least out of his trousers.
Except for how it didn't remotely.
"But we could say it generates a force-field or something," she added. "That'd work." And be a whole lot easier and less depressing than a giant cage.
Re: Build a Space Puppy Playground
She had no idea.
Re: Build a Space Puppy Playground
Re: Build a Space Puppy Playground
Play With the Space Puppies
Anyway, the puppies were unleashed. Play with them! Sneeze because of your allergies to them! Avoid them! Yakko had several pulling him around on a space sled. (Literally a sled with the word "SPACE" painted on it.
Re: Play With the Space Puppies
Re: Play With the Space Puppies
Talk to Yakko
OOC
Re: OOC
Re: OOC
Now it's stuck in my eyes too.