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Steven Spielberg Presents: History!, Monday, Period 4

With this being the first class, the students probably had some kind of expectation that their teacher would be on time. But no, the only thing at the front of the classroom was the teacher's desk and, next to it, a water cooler with a small WB logo on the plastic water jug.

Then the jug started to shake while music filled the room. After a few seconds, the jug was thrown from the water cooler as a black and white puppy-looking thing stood up with his feet still in the water cooler's reservoir.

Any of this might have made more (or even any) sense if class were in the Danger Shop. It wasn't. As it was, the students would just have to convince themselves they weren't crazy as the teacher started to sing.

(And give him a break for starting with a variant on his own theme song. He was just getting warmed up!)

"It's time for our history workshop
Where the learning never stops
For the next seven weeks
We'll discuss the Romans and the Greeks
It's your history workshop!"

"Come join this Warner Brother, Yakko is my name
I used to go to school here, Cartoons are where I got my fame
But I left behind my sibs, To go on to great acclaim
As a teacher who, Is here for you, And makes you all exclaim:"

"'It's time for our history workshop!'
Where the learning never stops
You'll never want to drop
Unless I make your mind go pop!"

"This is historany
Totally insaney
This verse is kind of lamey
Our historyyyyyyyyyy workshop
(Have fun with linkdrops)"

With the song over, Yakko stepped out of the water cooler and onto his desk, tracking wet footprints all over any papers that may have been on it. "So, who wants to go next? It's okay, I can change the music if you want something that suits you better." He bent over to grab a karaoke machine - with a lyrics screen - from under the desk, as well as a big binder with all the songs he had on record. Most of them were in the public domain, naturally, but being used for parody opened the door for a much larger catalog.

"And don't worry, we'll get to regular history next week." Although any promises of 'regular' coming from Yakko were probably - and justifiably - suspect at this point "For now, I just want to know about your personal histories. Via song, of course." He was serious. SING IT. Even if it was only a couple lines.

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Like you just found out this guy is your teacher.

Ulrik of Denmark

Lex Luthor

Darcy Lewis

Natalie Adams

Victor Mancha

Stacey McGill

Stephanie Brown

Ace McShane

Dana Scully

Well, song. It was mostly just a song.

... Great, Natalie had signed up for history lessons from a cartoon.

She sunk down in her seat, hoping this would at least be entertaining.

When Stacey saw "Steven Spielberg" in the class title, she really thought they'd just be watching historic movies or something.

She was guessing that wasn't going to happen.

So yeah, Stephanie was torn between wanting to laugh and stare.

And then she decided that really, why not cut the proverbial Gordian knot and giggle while staring?

"If my history classes back in Gotham had been like this . . ."

She'd have paid more attention, that was what.

Ace? Suspicious enough that somebody here had known she was coming, that there was a room and a roommate and her name on a list. That they'd signed her up for classes, starting with history? Let's just say she wasn't looking forward to hearing some twag in a suit drone on about which war and where, at a speed so glacial she'd be shocked if he managed to catch up to the bits Ace didn't already know before seven weeks had gone by.

That lasted until... oh, the third note of music.

After a couple of even more suspicious looks around the room to see if somebody was yanking on either of her legs, the one with bells on or the one without, and seeing the general what the hell?? reaction, Ace let herself slip into an openly giddy grin, interspersed with the occasional bout of laughter. There was even applause at the end.

Whatever was going on in this place, at least it wasn't boring.

Headdesk. Sigh. So much for history.

No, seriously. At least a couple lines. Extra credit for including a link for the music.

Extra credit OOCly. ICly it gets you nothing, obviously.

"Um." A pause. "I am Ulrik, I'm from Denmark, I'm from quite a far ways back, it is 1636."

Okay, so it came out sounding more like beat poetry than a song, but there were a couple notes in there. If you squinted.

Yakko was wearing a black t-shirt as he sat behind his desk and tried an approximation of a British accent. Yes, there was a "FANDOM IDOL" logo in front of his desk at the moment. "Well, it didn't make me want to shove cats in my ears to drown it out, but give it another shot. And maybe this time at least try to rhyme."

Edited 2012-05-07 05:07 (UTC)

Darcy blinked. She then blinked again. "That's what I get for asking Rapunzel to write a song about me." She muttered under her breath before getting up.

"My naaaaame is Daaaaaaaaarcy. I haaaaaail froooom Aaaarizooooonaaaa." She coughed and changed to a faster rhythm. "I'm not too good at singing or physics or the like. I like to bring a taser when I'm out about the town. I hope my little diddy is now long enough for you." The second bit sounded more like a cheer than a song.

"Not bad! And you got creative by changing the pace! Also, you might be packing a taser right now for all I know! Have an A!" Yakko wrote the letter A on a piece of paper, folded it up as a paper airplane, and sent it flying gently over with one loop-the-loop.

At the bottom of the paper, if Darcy actually looked at it, was a note saying "Please don't taze me!"

Darcy did have a taser and did the read. "I wouldn't taser a teacher!" She objected. "I only taser threatening people like the hot homeless guy Jane kept hitting with her car - which is so much worse by the way - and then he turned out to be like a Norse gid or something so he was fine." It was hard to tell if she realized that she wasn't helping her argument. "Uh, thanks for the A!"

Lex's singing voice was not terrible, his song on the other hand...

"I'm Lex, I'm from Metropolis...there aren't many suitable words that rhyme with either of those..."

"You don't know what the heck's a necropolis," Yakko suggested.

The guy looking like he wanted to sink in his chair? That would be Victor. He had a perfectly okay singing voice, he just didn't plan on using it on front of class.

This was very, very different from history class back at East Angeles.

"My name is Victor, I'm from LA..." Pause pause pause. "I once went back to 1907 but I'm not really ready to rhyme about it today..."

And there he was done.

"We've all been there," Yakko said. "Not the preparation thing. 1907! When a young Rudyard Kipling picked up a Nobel Prize for literature. Here's a secret: there's no chocolate inside."

None of that was verifiable. Except probably the chocolate thing if you knew a Nobel winner.

Stacey was just this side of mortified, but she was a little scared of what would happen if she didn't do it. So while making up some random tune, she went with, "I'm Stacey, I'm from New Yooork," and then threw in jazz hands like maybe that would make up for the song.

"That can't be it. Were you brought by the stork? Ever dated a dork? Love the music of Björk? Seen a quark?" Yakko asked, reasonably.

"All of that," she lied.

"Really?" Yakko asked. "What's your favorite Björk song?"

Way back when she'd been leaving Batman clues to her father's plans, Stephanie had fiddled around with some rhyming. She did love some good wordplay, after all.

Making it up on the spot was trickier, though!

"Uh . . ." Oh god I hope I don't squeak or something.

"My name is Stephanie, from Gotham City," she began, and that didn't quite scan to the tune of "Copacabana," but in her defense, this wasn't her usual kind of improvising. "And I don't know if I can rhyme . . ."

And then she decided she didn't have to, and made it all the way through the chorus on a free verse-type half-sung ramble about getting a scholarship to Fandom courtesy of her city's most prominent billionaire. How about that? Singing her cover story. That was a different way to -- ha -- cover a song.

Yakko started applauding. "BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO ENCORE ENCORE STARZ STARZ TURNER CLASSIC MOVIES E! E! E! ....."

It started as applause and turned into reciting cable networks.

The low point was probably when he repeated ESPN2 seven times.

Ace made a face, but it was an apologetic one; she liked the idea; it was just... "I really can't sing. Like really."

Still, sure, she'd give it a go.

"The nineteen eighties are when I come from; my name is Ace!
Born in London but somehow ended in outer space...
Shut up, shut up, I hear you cry--
I said I can't sing, didn't I?

...So I'll just do that before somebody punches me in the face."

That last line didn't scan to the tune (http://www.fcsongs.com/Charlton_FC_-_Red_Red_Robin.html) of Red, Red Robin (http://lyrics.wikia.com/Steve_Goodman:Red_Red_Robin), no. Could've been worse, though; she could've gone for We All Follow the Charlton (http://fanchants.co.uk/football-songs/charlton_athletic-chants/we-all-follow-the-charlton/) and eschewed any attempt at a tune whatsoever.

Actually, come to think of it, that might've sounded better.

Edited 2012-05-07 18:03 (UTC)

"Now, now, now, Ace. We have a no face punch rule in this class," Yakko said very gently. "If you need to punch somebody in the face, wait until the bell rings and you're in the hallway. If you feel like you may be punched in the face at that time, you may check out one of the communal face masks."

He opened up a desk drawer and a coat rack filled with hockey and catchers' masks popped up, along with a sign-out sheet on a clipboard.

This came out more as a rap than a song. Because Scully still can't sing worth a damn.

"I'm Dana Scully from Maryland, I've never been in a band; from 2001, where it's less... fun." Sigh. "I've been here two years; I'd really like some beers."

"Here you go," Yakko said, dropping two ears of corn on Scully's desk.

You couldn't discuss underage drinking with a children's cartoon character, so that had to be what she was saying! Had to be!

... Well, you couldn't discuss underage drinking with a children's cartoon character directly. You had to be slightly more subtle about it, or at least wait until the censor clearly wasn't looking.

Scully stared at the ears of corn. "Uh, thanks? Where did you get that?"

"That's a question for Farming 101," Yakko answered, helpfully.

"Ooookay." Why did she try? Why? "I'll keep that in mind."

Just don't expect any reasonable answers.

I'm going to say this once to everyone who signed up for this class:

I'm sorry.

But after this point, its your own fault for signing up. :D

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Steven Spielberg Presents: History!, Monday, Period 4

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