Office hours

[prof-cregg.livejournal.com]

She's laying on her couch. If you have an academin question you may be out of luck. If you want to visit...this may just be fun.

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[prof-cregg.livejournal.com]

Grabbing a tissue, she wipes her nose and opens the binder.

"Ok, first of all, it's not Plumie, it's Pluie. And she's dead. Before I tell you the whole sad tale, why don't you sit down."

She begins to tell Elizabeth the tale of Pluie, and how she found out about her on total crackpot Big Block of Cheese Day.

"Pluie was a wolf. For four years, scientists had tracked Pluie as she made her way from Banff National Park in Alberta up and down the Rockies. In that time, she’d made three round trips between Canada and Wyoming covering 40,000 square miles. Which was was a pretty impressive performance for Pluie especially when you consider the impediments of modern life she had to conquer: highways, housing, forest denuded of trees. Not to mention the US-Canadian border...because she didn't have photo ID." she laughs at that crack, even now.

"Why does Pluie make the trek? Because wolves have to breed with many packs in order to keep from becoming extinct. If they breed among themselves, they’ll eventually produce offspring that’s genetically weaker, thus endangering their long-term survival. So the total crackpots suggested we build the wolves-only roadway. Eighteen hundred miles from Yellowstone to the Yukon Territory complete with highway overpasses and no cattle grazing. Their scientists were working on a plan...to teach wolves to follow road signs, but in the meantime, Pluie’d get drunk and wander off the wolves-only road and end up eating someone's cat.

The real problems with this plan were twofold. Ranchers don’t want wolves returned to the West. Ranchers face the following conditions: falling stock prices, rising taxes, prolonged drought, and a country that’s eating less beef. Ranchers want to blame something, and because they’re ranchers, they want to fight something. I’d rather be a wolf than the administration.

Then the crackpots told me the beauty part. With contributions and corporate sponsorship, the cost of the taxpayer is only 900 million dollars. They wanted to build a wolves only roadway, and scoffed at the idea of building better school.

And you know what else I found out? Wolves don’t kill people. That’s a myth. More people get killed getting change out of vending machines thanget killed by a wolf attack. Number of people killed last year retrieving change from a vending machine: four. Number of people killed by a wolf attack: zero."

She looks up and wipes her nose again, then flashes a complete shiteating grin at Elizabeth.

"So you can take all that back to Josh and ask him if I need to threathen him with small pox to get him to be sweet to me again. Okay?"