fandomhigh | Creature Languages, 1/09

As the last Classics students filter out, Dream waits for most of the Creature Languages students to have taken their seats before he begins to speak again.

"Hello, and welcome to class. I hope this will be an enlightening experience for all of you. It is based on a premise that many of you may be ignorant of; all beings have a language. While humans may not be physically equipped to speak or understand them in the wild, so to speak, studying those tongues allows greater communication throughout the environment. This is especially true when it comes to animals that are feared by humans, such as snakes or spiders, and for that reason I plan to concentrate on those languages.

Before class starts, please review the class rules. I would like each of you to sign them at the bottom and turn them in to me. This will serve as our contract for the semester.

After that is done, I would like for each of you to stand and tell the class a little about yourself, including any languages you have studied before, either creature or human-based, and any particular goals for this class. In addition, I am in my office after class for any questions or concerns."

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Jake made a face at him. "I don't worship Krycek, you know. Even if he does still want to have pizza with me, contrary to the message he left on my voicemail." He rolled his eyes. "You know, the day we all found out far more about Marty and Angela's sex life than any of us ever wanted to? I also found out that pregnant women shouldn't drink coffee which I think is a cruel and unusal punishment, really."

Xander looked uncomfortable at the mention of Marty, let alone Marty and sex in the same sentence. At the same time, some suicidal part of his brain -- which is to say a part that apparently wanted to explode -- couldn't resist asking, "Marty and Angela's sex life? We know what about this now?"

Jake's eyebrows went up. "You didn't get the 'lets have ferret sex' voicemail from Marty? Lucky you. I think half the school got it. I got some weird ones, and god knows who got my messages. I know Logan got one though, 'cause he called me back to assure me we weren't broken up."

Xander blinked hard enough to knock eyelashes out. "Marty...um. Left that message for everyone?" ~~*angsts because Marty doesn't love him, even though he is totally not gay OMG*~~

Jake nodded. "Pretty much. Yeah. I think so. Why? Did you get it?" A grin spread slowly on his face. "Were you looking forwards to hot ferrety sex?"

"No!" Xander said. Really loudly. "I was freaking out about why Marty - and apparently half the school judging by the rest of my messages - thought I would want to have hot ferrety sex with a guy."

"Hey, don't knock it 'till you've tried it." Jake frowned briefly. "Although I'm not sure about the ferrety bit either. I mean, how would you know without watching ferrets mate?"

"They've got sharp teeth," Xander said, "So there's probably some biting involved. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing." He frowned. "Not that I want to try ferret sex!"

"I'll make sure we discuss courtship behavior as part of our unit on Mustelidae," Dream says with a pointed look to Jake and Xander. "Is there an academic question either of you would like to ask at this time?"

Xander flinched nervously. "Uh. That would be a no. Sir."

Jake shook his head, amused. "No, sir. Except, are we going to learn about gremlin mating too?"

"I'm not sure," Dream says. "Gremlins are so unique when it comes to language that studying it in any depth might be too difficult for a class of this length. Is that a subject of special interest to you?"

[OOC: Monster says gremlins don't exactly talk. I need to work out with her if she wants them to lecture class anyhow. Also, sorry for shutting you guys down -- it's an IC thing for Dream to do.]

"Not really, but if there's, like, some sort of Impress The Possible Mate By Biting As Many People As Possible ritual involved, it'd be nice to know. You know?"

(ooc: *handwaves* No worries, yo.)

"Indeed," Dream says, a look of vague distaste on his face. Gremlin dreams tend to be nasty things, and he prefers to avoid them in the waking world. "I will see what we can do."

"If they have a basic phrase for 'please don't bite me, I taste like turpentine,' that could be kind of useful too," Xander suggested.

Dream actually smiles at this. "I believe the best advice is to avoid their habitat, though that is somewhat difficult in Fandom."

Xander nodded. "Yep, that part I got down; even managed to pass the advice on to my Little Sib already. But it's easier advised than done."

Creature Languages, 1/09

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