fandomhigh | Cafeteria; Monday Lunchtime [ 01/02 ].

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cafeteria

Cafeteria; Monday Lunchtime [ 01/02 ].

Sure, going home for the holidays had been great and everything, but there had been one thing about Fandom High that Butters had really, really missed that he couldn't get while he was in South Park, either, and that was cafeteria food.

That's right, cafeteria food. He was one of the first ones down there at the cafeteria for lunch that day, bouncing eagerly from foot to foot as he got a great big red tray, a wee tiny little milk carton (with a straw, of course!), and his lunch for the day.

Because, admit it, there is always something just really awesome about Salisbury steak and tater tots.

[[ I just really wanted to do a cafeteria post. Open lunchroom is totally open! ]]

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There really was something awesome about steak and tater tots, it was true. Jim was even grinning a little as he got himself settled in the cafeteria today, noticing a familiar face and making his way over to Butters to sit across from him. Morph was floating along behind him, hauling a bag of potato chips with a bit of difficulty.

"Hey, Butters. It's been a while!"

Because he'd been in space. With pirates.

And Butters had been in...Colorado. With...well, it was probably best you didn't know.

"H-hey, Jim!" It took just the briefest of seconds (sometimes, Butters' memory wasn't too great), but the moment it came back to him, he beamed happily, straightening up because lunch just got all that much better. "B-boy, you sure are right! How long's it been, anyway? Where've you been, Jim, old boy?"

The 'old boy' comment reminded Jim a little bit of Silver, and his smile went a little wistful for a moment before he shrugged and reached for his fork.

"It's been at least a whole semester," he said easily. "I went home to visit Mom at the end of the summer, and while I was there some pirates kind of burned our place down."

It was a pirate thing.

"But I found this treasure map, and Dr. Doppler and I hired this ship, and we went off looking for Treasure Planet!"

And they'd found it. And it was awesome.

"Ah, yeah," said Butters, with a faint, wistful, knowing sigh, shaking his head as though it were heavy with some profound knowledge. "Pirates, they'll do stuff like that."

Pirates would always make him feel just a little bit sad for the old buggers, really. And make him feel a little bit like an asshole.

Thankfully, Butters was easily distracted by other things as well. "But a treasure map, really? And a whole Treasure Planet? Is that, like, really a planet all filled up with treasure or a place like Casa Bonita, which has lots of fun stuff and treasure coves and pirates, but it's not all real or anything, but just a lot of fun?"

"It was a whole planet," Jim assured him, "filled up inside with the loot of a thousand worlds."

He gave a bit of a wistful sigh of his own. Flint's trove had been one hell of a find. He was allowed to look back on it fondly.

"I have a book about how it got there, if you want to see sometime. It's just a storybook I liked as a kid, but it's way cooler now that I've seen the actual place with my own two eyes."

Morph burbled his happy agreement as he settled on the table and attempted to find his way into the chip bag.

"Wow," breathed Butters with his eyes upwards, as if imagining the place himself, though it was probably quite a bit different and even more fanciful in Butters' mind (unicorns, for example, were involved).

"A whole planet just full of treasu--errr, Jim." Butters' musings were cut short, unfortunately, when he noticed the movement. "I think your jello is tryin' to eat your potato chips."

Yeah, there hadn't been any unicorns. There had been an insane robot and a lot of lava, though.

Jim blinked down at where Morph was doing epic battle with the sealed bag, and then laughed and shook his head, reaching to open it up for the little guy.

"He's not jello," he explained as Morph wriggled inside, and the sound of contented munching could be heard. "He's a morph. Named... Morph. I met him on the ship and he's been hanging around with me since."

The contents of the chip bag belched. Cutely.

"He kinda looks like jello," Butters maintained, wrinkling his nose a little and fighting the urge to poke at the bag. "What's a morph?"

It looked like it could possibly carry diseases...

Space diseases!

"He's a... well... he morphs," Jim replied, for lack of a better explanation. "Morph, come out here and say hi to Butters."

One little eye peered out from the bag, attached to... a whole bunch of nothing in particular. A moment later, it was followed by the other, and then the rest of the pink glob that it was a part of. It made a bit of a chittering sound that pretty closely resembled a "Hi" of his very own. And then stuck his... mouth-end back into the bag to resume eating.

Eeeeewwwwie. Butters was feeling glad he didn't get chips.

"Into what?" he asked.

"Anything he wants to," Jim replied, shaking his head a little at the hungry little space blob. "He's mostly a mimic, though. He does a pretty impressive impersonation of one of my boots in the morning when I'm trying to get ready for the rest of the day."

Like a bratty little pink gooey housepet should. Truly.

"Can he morph into...." Butters dragged it out as he looked around and tried to find something. He laughed, holding up the best thing he could think of right now. "A taters tot?"

Tater tots were pretty awesome, it was true.

"Sure he could," Jim confirmed. "I mean, if he wanted to. You wouldn't be able to eat him, though. I mean, I'd be kind of mad. And he probably wouldn't taste much like a potato either."

Well, maybe now, since he'd been eating potato chips...

"Eeeeewww!" said Butters, amid giggles. "I wouldn't eat 'em, anyway. Er, no offense, m
Morph, but you look kinda icky. Where'd you get him, Jim? That Treasure Planet?"

"On the ship, actually," Jim replied with a little laugh as Morph made more chittering noses from inside the chip bag. "He was travelling with one of the members of the crew, John Silver, who was the galley cook?"

A beat.

"Kind of. Turns out he was the head of the pirates that overthrew the ship."

Jim still sounded kind of fond of the old guy, though.

"There goes my idea that maybe he morphed into a gold coin and tricked you!" Butters said with another laugh. "Did the ship get overthrew while you were on it?"

"It did, yeah. Turns out most of the crew was pirates. So in the end, it was just me, Dr. Doppler, B.E.N., who we picked up on Treasure Planet, and the Captain."

Cue indignant chittering from the bag.

"And Morph."

Better.

"And you all made it?" asked Butters, fascinated. "I remember when I was a pirate, we kept the French from attackin' because Craig had one of them light swords from Space Battles! Did you guys have light swords, too?"

"Laser guns," Jim replied, and then he fell kind of quiet. "And... not everyone made it. The first mate... There was a star, going supernova, and his lifeline..."

Inhale. Exhale.

"Mr. Arrow was tossed overboard. We didn't notice until it was too late."

"Y-yeah," said Butters, quietly, morosely, respectfully. "It's hard out there with pirates. I mean, they shot nearly everyone in our crew. It may seem glamourous with all the Treasure and the rum and the jet emus, but it's s not a pirate's life for me, no sir! I'm real sorry about your friend, Jim."

Jim knew what a jet was, obviously. But an emu? Not so much.

He probably wouldn't have thought a jet emu was really all that weird if he were to see one, anyhow.

"Thanks, Butters. Either way, it's over, now. Mom's inn is being rebuilt with the money we managed to grab before the planet exploded," because of course the planet exploded, "and most of the pirates are behind bars, so they won't be bothering anybody again."

"And I bet now they got food and shelter and they're better off," Butters said thoughtfully. "So it all works out. It's real bad that planet blew up, though. All that treasure! Maybe it wound up on some other planet, and maybe that planet really needed it because they were poor and now they're happier!"

"Now, there's a thought," Jim replied with a little smile. "I mean, the gold all melted, but... that mostly just means that there are probably a lot of meteors out there that are mostly... made of gold."

No, Jim. No going back into space to look for Treasure Asteroid.

"Melted goal is still gold though, right?" Butters grinned a little. "It'll land somewhere and then people will be all rich and stuff. Boy, wouldn't that be nice if it landed here? I bet Ransom's bust the place for a gold meteor to land."

"I think it would have to go pretty far out of the way to land here," Jim noted, "but then, this is Fandom. I don't think it's totally impossible, either. And it would be nice to have a little more of the treasure, I'll admit..."

"Soooooo," asked Butters with a crooked smirk, "how much treasure did you get?"

Aaaand that was about the point where Jim's face fell a little.

"Well, between the pirates, and the planet blowing up, and us having to steal back the ship...?"

Just spit it out, Jim.

"A handful."

...

Butters looked across the table, eyes slightly downward.

"At least you're hands are kinda big...ish?"

"Yeah, well. Silver's hand is bigger, and he's the one who managed to grab that handful in the first place," Jim sighed. "It should be enough to rebuild Mom's inn, at least. Which is good, since the treasure map was the reason it was burned down in the first place."

"...will you be able to at least add some really neat upgrades?" Butters wondered. "Like those beds that vibrate if you put a quarter in 'em or those neat toilet fountains or monkeys as bellboys?"

"... Maybe... something like that?"

His mom had been thinking of maybe getting a piano for the lobby. And that's... about as far as that had gone.

"It's all up to Mom, anyhow, so I would have to ask her to be sure."

"So has your mom had the inn for a long time?" Butters asked, popping a tater tot into his mouth. "Does that mean you got to see all sorts of interestin' people passion's on through?"

"Yeah, kind of," Jim replied. "I mean, I grew up there, so she's had it as far back as I can remember. And... Montressor's actually kind of boring, for the most part. I mean, it's a mining planet, so mostly you just get miners passing through, or merchants who want to buy what's being dug up there. But now and again you see old spacers who have some interesting stories to tell, and stuff like that, too."

"Oh BOY!!! Tater tots!!!"

Sometimes, it was the little things that made Hank happy.

Let's be honest -- it was always the little things. The big things kind of confused him.

Butters had to laugh a little at being able to see someone appreciate tots as well as they should be appreciated.

"I know!" he chimed in, brandishing one doused in ketchup happily before popping it into his mouth and sending it to its demise. "They're all crispy and everything! It sure is good to be back in school again!"

"I KNOW!!!" Hank agreed. "I mean, the actual 'school' part's kind of a drag, but the rest of it is totally Ratman!!!"

How had Hank and Butters gone this long without squeeing at each other? It was probably Hank's antisocial mun's fault.

"Hey, you're that Texas guy from the radio, aren't you?!?! You're, like, FAMOUS!!!"

And now Butters' face was as red as the ketchup on his tot, but a smile was there, too, as he ducked his head sheepishly. "Aw, shucks," he said humbly. "Not that famous..."

And then, lifting his eyes to peer hopefully at Hank: "...Am I?"

"Well, sure!" Hank told him. "You're on the radio -- that makes you famous, doesn't it? You're a personage of local import, anyway!!! I mean, you're Texas Radio Guy!!!"

"Big Texas Butters," he corrected, his smile still sheepish, but he did pull himself up with some pride. It didn't last long, though, and his shoulders fell again. "But maybe I'm more of a washed up has-been than a local person of import, 'cause I can't do radio this semester. I got grounded for sayin' all that questionable content where eclveryone could hear it."

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Cafeteria; Monday Lunchtime [ 01/02 ].

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