fandomhigh | Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

Sometime earlier in the week, the students would have gotten a notice that swimsuits were optional for class today. And anyone fearing the reason why might feel relieved when they saw that the danger shop had been transformed into a cruise ship

But not just any cruise ship. It was a cruise ship staffed by Jamie Madrox duplicates in white uniforms.

"Welcome aboard students!" Jamie said as he doffed a captain's hat. "Today we're going to set a course... for LOVE!"

Suddenly the cruise ship was filled with music and song. The Jamies were singing and dancing around in a well coordinated choreography that included ballet, jazz, tap and lots of spirit fingers.

If the students weren't afraid now? They should be.

"Homecoming is coming up kids," Jamie said when the musical number was complete. "Which means... dating. And falling in love. Which for many of you might be a completely new thing. So to help you along I've used a scientific process to bring the most compatible people together in class and give you an optimal situation where you can interact."

Point of fact: Jamie's scientific process involved throwing darts at a dartboard. Possibly in the teacher's lounge and at his own face.

"Enjoy your cruise ladies and gentlemen... on the Love Boat."

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"It's the Danger Shop," Karla pointed out. "We could probably get chewed into teeny tiny pieces and still be fine when the simulation ended."

Which was a cheery thought, absolutely.

Sadly, George could survive that without the Danger Shop. Part of being dead already. It'd hurt like a bitch, though.

"If he feeds us to sharks, I'm going to attack him with a clawhammer," she decided. "I'm just going to bring a clawhammer to class next week and beat him with it until he's a bloody pulp of a man. I don't even own a clawhammer. I'll buy one. Just for this."

Karla just fell a little bit in love with George right there.

"Is there a fund I can contribute to?" she asked hopefully. "An 'Arm George for Clawhammer Justice' fund? You might end up wearing down the first hammer before you ran out of duplicates or something!"

"Oh, fuck, I forgot about that," George said, facepalming. "His stupid multiplication trick. He'd just keep popping out more idiots. Does stabbing do that? Should we go for stabbing? I'm not usually good at violence but I'm willing to learn."

"There's always poison," Karla suggested, thinking fast. "I know a few that could really be useful here. I don't know whether it's just blunt-force trauma that causes more of him, or any kind of impact at all, and unless you're really good and can slip the knife between his ribs, there'll be an impact."

Now throat-cutting on the other hand...

"Okay," George said. "You know what we should do? We should pick a class and ambush his ass. Blowtorches, poison, knives, let's find out exactly what puts a dent in him."

George was kind of done with Jamie's class. Just her?

Not just her.

"I bet we'd get extra credit from the other teachers in the school," Karla mused. "Maybe even some kind of public service commendation."

"It'd have to be the last one," George decided. "Otherwise, the next week, he'd just manage to be worse."

Don't ask how Jamie would manage to be worse. It may not seem possible. But if anyone could pull it off, he could.

You would think that a class that involved licking doorknobs could only improve. When it came to Madrox, you would be horribly, horribly wrong.

"So, next week we bring an armory and see what sticks?"

This sounded like the best plan ever.

"We should get other teachers in on this," George decided. "I mean, they might get all 'we can't officially know about it' and just wink at it, or they might help. I doubt anybody's gonna shut us down."

The scary Ethics guy could help out, for one.

Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

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