fandomhigh | Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

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Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

Sometime earlier in the week, the students would have gotten a notice that swimsuits were optional for class today. And anyone fearing the reason why might feel relieved when they saw that the danger shop had been transformed into a cruise ship

But not just any cruise ship. It was a cruise ship staffed by Jamie Madrox duplicates in white uniforms.

"Welcome aboard students!" Jamie said as he doffed a captain's hat. "Today we're going to set a course... for LOVE!"

Suddenly the cruise ship was filled with music and song. The Jamies were singing and dancing around in a well coordinated choreography that included ballet, jazz, tap and lots of spirit fingers.

If the students weren't afraid now? They should be.

"Homecoming is coming up kids," Jamie said when the musical number was complete. "Which means... dating. And falling in love. Which for many of you might be a completely new thing. So to help you along I've used a scientific process to bring the most compatible people together in class and give you an optimal situation where you can interact."

Point of fact: Jamie's scientific process involved throwing darts at a dartboard. Possibly in the teacher's lounge and at his own face.

"Enjoy your cruise ladies and gentlemen... on the Love Boat."

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"You're ... claustrophobic?" she asked, eying him with a flicker of interest. "Huh. So ... did he know that, and he's being an asshole, or is this just a bad fucking coincidence?"

She glanced around the room again. "We're not locked in or anything, are we?"

Warren gave his shoulders a shrug.

"I have no idea," he admitted, kind of answering both questions while at the same time looking around to see if they could find the door. "I mean... I don't really broadcast it. Maybe some other Warren out there does, or is, or... I'm not sure?"

He'd never really bothered to ask any of the other trillion Warren Worthingtons out there about how they reacted to being stuck indoors. He kind of assumed that it was just one of a million ways that they were more hardcore than he was.

"I'm going to just assume he doesn't know, so that I can spare myself the temptation to shake him by the shoulders once this class ends."

Apparently nervousness gave Warren a temper, too. Kind of.

"I'm buying a clawhammer," George announced. "I think that was just for shark attacks, but maybe it'd be nice to have on-hand in case I need to maim him for other reasons. You can borrow it, if you want."

George had a temper. George just had way too much apathy to do anything about it. Even now, she was realizing that actually buying a clawhammer would mean going to the store some time in the next week, and that sounded like a whole lot of effort. She would probably straight-up forget.

"Let's bust out," she suggested. "I mean, what's he going to do if he catches us? Throw us back in? We'll punch him or ... I don't know. Can you smack somebody with your wings?"

See, this was exactly the kind of situation where she'd need a clawhammer. Maybe she'd pretend to make an effort this week after all.

"I can smack people really, really hard with my wings," Warren confirmed. The 'when I have the space to stretch them' was pretty well implied as they spread out, thumping into luggage on either side and sending a tower of crates tumbling.

...

He was going to pretend that didn't just happen.

"But that would mean more of him. God, we don't want more of him."

George shuddered at that mental picture. "Fuck, no," she agreed. "So we'd be stuck in here with like twenty of him. None of which we could kill."

Not that reapers were supposed to kill people, but the Higher Ups had never met Jamie fucking Madrox.

"Does his duplicational whateverthefuck work if you set him on fire?" she asked. "That's not technically hitting him."

"You know," Warren noted, thoughtfully, "I never really thought about it?"

Which was miraculous, considering Jamie was the teacher who had made him lick a doorknob and who had launched him off in that Angry Birds sim that one time.

"I'm not setting anyone on fire while we're still indoors, though. I mean, nothing personal against being burned alive? It's just kind of not my idea of a good time."

He'd get better, though.

So would she. It'd hurt like a bitch, though. So ... not really her idea of a good time.

"Do we think he's even paying attention?" she asked. "I don't think he gives a fuck. I vote we blow this off, go play cards or some shit, and then tell him we had a great love connection and fucked like bunnies in the luggage section. Or that we took a nap. Or ... I don't even fucking care."

Being George, she couldn't stay on one topic for long.

"Do you think he ever gets a dupe just to fool around with? I mean, that's still masturbation, right?"

George was now getting a look. A kind of sideways, mildly traumatized one.

"I think it probably counts," he settled on, after a few moments of cycling from trauma, to creeping horror, to disgust, and back to trauma again. Someone had an overactive imagination. "That one day when we all made duplicates of ourselves, I'm pretty sure a few of my copies would have been up for that."

"My dupes sat around and bitched about not wanting to do the assignment," George shared.

Gosh. No idea where that came from.

"So ... would you have?" she asked. "If we weren't stuck in class."

Look, if you were on a fake date with somebody, you got to ask personal questions. Didn't you?

She wasn't good at dates, real or fake.

"Um... Probably not. I don't think?" Warren was now well beyond the 'freaking out' stage, and ambling merrily along into 'somewhat perplexed.' "My girlfriend had some dupes too, and one of them was... pretty flirty. I think she wanted to run off with most of mine."

Except for that one with the rainbow wings. That one wasn't interested.

"... This class is so weird."

Wait, hang on.

"If ... your girlfriend's dupes had group sex with your dupes, is that cheating?"

... Um.

"Please ... tell me you're not just realizing that now."

The weird thing, not the other thing.

"I think it's all just me anyhow, and they weren't really Karla..." Thinking about that was kind of making his brain hurt. A bit. "And no, no, I really didn't just realize it now. But it's kind of worth saying a few times each class, just to make sure it's out there."

He fidgeted, and then started to pace a little again.

"I don't suppose you know which direction the door actually is, huh?"

"Attention guests! This is your captain speaking! For those of you in the baggage compartment there are optional venues to explore on the boat including the juice bar on the Leto deck. Just take the exit on the rear wall and take the steps. Additionally there is a reminder to all crew members that making out with yourself and other illicit activities are just full of EWWWWWWW and should not be attempted."

Yes. Jamie does pay attention. Sometimes.

OhThankGod.

"George? Um. If..." He was already kind of shuffling toward the back wall, yes. "I mean, it's not a daring escape from the class or anything, but, would you mind if we..."

Got the hell out of the baggage compartment?

"There's a juice bar!"

THAT WAS A SELLING POINT.

"Juice bar," George agreed, shoving herself off the trunk and heading there. "Wait, does that mean he's fucking listening?!"

She craned her neck and shouted, "I was kidding about the clawhammer!"

No, she wasn't.

Whether the door was making itself visible and unlocked now thanks to Captain Jamie's instructions, or had just been hiding until they put a little effort into looking, was a moot point. There was a door, and it opened out into a hallway, which ... wasn't much bigger, but certainly wasn't a fucking baggage compartment.

"We can save the daring escape for another time," she said. "Right now, let's get the fuck out of here."

Warren? Did not need to be told twice. There, like Jamie had said, was the stairway, and he was pretty much taking them three at a time. Three was an awesome number. It was his number. And it got him up onto the deck in a third of the time.

He'd be apologetic for taking off like a bolt and leaving George behind once she caught up. For the time being, he was stretching like his life depended on it.

Oh, hell yes.

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Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

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