fandomhigh | Tricks, Cons, & Bamboozles | Wednesday (8/31)

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tricks & cons

Tricks, Cons, & Bamboozles | Wednesday (8/31) | Period 1

There was a Perky Goth sitting cross-legged on the desk, eating a black licorice whip and watching people come in. There was also a fluffy gray Russian Blue sitting next to her, wearing a jaunty fedora. Somehow. If you looked closely, you'd notice that he was also wearing a tracking anklet.

"So," Kenzi said, when it seemed like most everyone was there. "I'm already sick of introductions, and it's only Wednesday. The last time this class was taught, the teacher didn't make us do them then, either." She reached out to scratch behind Mr. Caffrey's ears.

"So I'm going to take a page from his book, and say: lie like a rug. Like a rug squished flat under a 200-metric-tonne weight. Convince us you're someone you are completely not. And we'll try to trip you up by asking questions."

"OR. You can tell us how you'd pull off the greatest con or theft in history, using just yourself, a cat, and possibly a rubberband."

"Go!"

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Make it convincing! Back up someone else's alibi! Return the favor! Or comment and try to pick apart someone's story. OR, explain why you really should be teaching this class, by explaining your Master Plan.

"I think I'm in the wrong class. I didn't sign up for this," Bruce said.

Yes, it was a lie.

Kenzi gasped. "No!" She clapped her hands to her cheeks. Then in a more normal voice, "How do you think that happened?"

The cat started licking one paw. Watching Bruce covertly.

"Most likely a paperwork error," Bruce said. "That happens in the office pretty regularly, after all."

"Dude, that sucks! Let's go down to the office and make them fix it," Kenzi said, climbing off the desk.

"You should focus on teaching the class. I can find my own way down to the office," Bruce said.

"I'm teaching?" The cat meowed. "Oh, right. But, what if they don't believe you? What if they're out to get you?" Kenzi gave him a look of concern. "Want me to write you a note? You can come back with the authorization and crap, and then I can sign it for Mr. Caffrey."

"Sorry, I can't let you forge his signature after announcing that you would," Bruce said. "I'm sure they'll listen. I can be pretty convincing."

Kenzi looked shocked, just shocked. "I have full authority! Maybe you should record your meeting with them. Just to be sure it went okay."

Actually, now she was kind of hoping Bruce would do that, so she could see how good he was at it.

"Sure thing," Bruce said. "I'll drop it off at Mr Caffrey's office."

He wasn't going to do that. But he did start heading toward the door. He was committing to the lie.

Kenzi cackled with delight, leaning over to watch him go. "Tell the moose I said hi!"

The moose had no idea who she was.

"I will," Bruce said, strolling out the door.

If anyone peeked into the hallway after him to see where he was going, they would have seen an empty hallway. It was their fault for not watching more carefully.

Jack jabbed his thumb in the direction of Bruce.

"Yeah. I'm in the wrong class. I'm not a thiefy kind of guy. I think someone in the office screwed up."

Nope. Not a lie. Jack didn't sign up for this.

Kenzi gave him a disappointed look. "Dude, no copying." C'mon! Even if it looked like he was maybe telling the truth. More work!

Edited 2011-08-31 04:56 (UTC)

"Oh, come on!" Jack whined. "I'm really not supposed to be here! I'm... My Dad's a cop! I can't do this class. It goes completely against what I stand for."

Now, that, she totally believed. Or that it was close enough. "Okay! Grand Con Guignol it is!" The cat was purring now. Kenzi grinned maniacally. "Don't you want to learn how the other half thinks, Jack? C'mon! Gimme a big bad Con idea!"

"Uhhhhhh...."

Jack paused for a moment.

"How about I use a computer to hack into an unethical corporation's savings and redistribute it to the poor?"

Yes. He was ripping his idea off of Zane. Zane should be in this class. Not Jack.

Hey, if he wanted to bring his own hot con-artist type, Kenzi wouldn't stop him.

"YES. OKAY. Good start!" Kenzi beamed at him. "How unethical? Can you actually hack, or do we need to outsource this? And how poor are we talking, and that's after our commission, yes?"

"Um. Very unethical. Like... they eat kittens," Jack said stumbling around verbally. He gave the teacher/cat a look. "No offense intended."

"And we outsource it to criminal hackers in Botswana to save on the costs. Plus no commission. Just bragging rights."

Technically Zane did that kind of thing. Just without the Botswana part.

That cat looked impassively back. Although one ear may have twitched.

"No commission?" Kenzi looked very disappointed. "Just the advertisement value? Jack, I like how you think, but I wonder about your commitment here."

Even if he already said he was on the side of Law & Order: SUV, Kenzi could hope he'd have a change of heart.

"Perry White," Lex said. "I'm an investigative reporter and I don't think it's at all creepy to stalk sixteen year olds to get stories about their fathers." Someone had left an impression.

"Well, that makes one of us," Kenzi said, eyes wide. "How do you justify that particular character trait?"

"The search for the truth of course," Lex replied. "Everyone tells the children they ship off to boarding schools sensitive company information right?"

"Jesus, yes. Right before they give them lunch money for the semester, and after they affectionately tell them to torture the new kids," Kenzi said, looking speculative. "What is truth, anyway?"

"Whatever will sell papers and win me a Pulitzer, of course." Lex did not have a whole heap of warm fuzzies towards the profession.

"Aren't you afraid of being sued for slander? Or do I mean libel?" Kenzi looked speculative. "Ever found out something you didn't print, Mr. White?"

"Libel," Lex replied. "Only if they can prove I knew it wasn't true at the time of printing."

Edited 2011-09-01 05:30 (UTC)

"Which means they gotta read your mind, or you have to be stupid," which this guy clearly was not, "So, are you afraid of the mind-readers here at Fandom?"

"Only if they work for Luthorcorp." Which since Lex had not been summarily hauled home yet by his father, he assumed wasn't true.

"What's a Luthorcorp, and do they do freaky loans and shit, or teach children in other countries?" Kenzi checked. "Mr. White, is there a hit out on you? Should I be keeping 50 meters away in case of bomb blast?"

Just bear with Lex as he underwent a giggle-cough fit. Lionel would be mortified at the idea of doing anything so unsubtle. "Luthorcorp do things." They'd be here all day if he tried to actually list all they things his father was supposedly, and quite possibly actually, responsible for. "Bad things."

"So, should we firebomb them? In an environmentally friendly way?"

Kenzi frowned. "Wait, you're exposing them. That won't work. You need something to work with. Okay! We need suggestions on how Mr. White can take down LutherCorp by the end of this course!"

"Rosalie Hale," Alice said, making a mental note to call Rosalie later and tell her about this. She was sure her sister-type would find it utterly hilarious. "What else is there to say? Now you know who I am. Why should I tell you any more?"

Poor Rose was gonna kill her for being a bitch like this. Maybe she wouldn't call her.

"'Why' questions are way too philosophical for me." Kenzi was gnawing on the licorice whip again. "'Cause the answer's always, 'why not'? Anyway, what have you been convicted of? Or indicted for?"

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Tricks, Cons, & Bamboozles | Wednesday (8/31) | Period 1

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