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fandomhigh2011-08-30 12:11 am
shotbillmurray.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2011-08-30 12:11 am
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Tuesday: Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse - Period 3 - Class 1
When the students entered the dangershop today, they would see that it had been turned into a deserted sports arena, complete with a track encircling a football field.
Well it wasn’t completely deserted. First there was the teacher who was standing in front of his students looking somewhat less awkward than he had over the summer.
Also? There was a zombified rugby team standing behind him. They were all frozen much as if someone had hit a pause button in the middle of a horror movie while they went out o get a bucket of popcorn.
But we’ll get to them later.
“Hi,” Columbus said with a nervous wave. “My name is Columbus Ohio and I’m your teacher.”
There was a slight clearing of his throat. “So if you’re here it means you want to learn something about surviving a zombie apocalypse. Or something about zombies. However having spent a little time in Fandom, I think you'll find that the skill you learn here will be more appropriate than you might think.”
Columbus then gestured at the frozen zombies standing behind him. “However we'll just talk about zombies for the moment. Depending on where you might be from there are variations on what zombies are out there. For instance these zombies are from my own world and don’t fall into a magic type of category. These people were transformed into zombies from a mutated version of the mad cow virus. Yes, technically they are still alive however one bite from these guys and within hours you’d be one of them. However no matter where you might have these types of monsters, the rules for survival will always apply. This of course brings us to the first rule.”
Columbus fumbled with the dangershop remote for a moment or two until words in giant block letters appeared behind him:
“Cardio. That’s the first rule of surviving Zombieland. When the outbreak first hit, the first to go were the people who were out of shape. For obvious reasons. Your homework for the rest of this summer session will be to go for a run at least three times a week and keep a log of how far and how long you were able to go. Don’t laugh. It may not be the most manly of skills but it’ll serve you well in the long run. Uh. No pun intended."
"The other rule you need to remember is this." There was a fumbling of the remote and then... yes. More block letters.
"Granted you can't always do this in an emergency but if you have the time, you should always limber up. The last thing you need is a pulled muscle or a cramp when you are running for your life. So that's it for today. Cardio. Limber up. Sound easy? Good."
Columbus punched off the pause button the remote.
“Let’s see how in shape you are.”
[Please note that this is a class about zombies. If you are squeamish or don't like violence this might not be the post to be reading. OCD is coming.]
Well it wasn’t completely deserted. First there was the teacher who was standing in front of his students looking somewhat less awkward than he had over the summer.
Also? There was a zombified rugby team standing behind him. They were all frozen much as if someone had hit a pause button in the middle of a horror movie while they went out o get a bucket of popcorn.
But we’ll get to them later.
“Hi,” Columbus said with a nervous wave. “My name is Columbus Ohio and I’m your teacher.”
There was a slight clearing of his throat. “So if you’re here it means you want to learn something about surviving a zombie apocalypse. Or something about zombies. However having spent a little time in Fandom, I think you'll find that the skill you learn here will be more appropriate than you might think.”
Columbus then gestured at the frozen zombies standing behind him. “However we'll just talk about zombies for the moment. Depending on where you might be from there are variations on what zombies are out there. For instance these zombies are from my own world and don’t fall into a magic type of category. These people were transformed into zombies from a mutated version of the mad cow virus. Yes, technically they are still alive however one bite from these guys and within hours you’d be one of them. However no matter where you might have these types of monsters, the rules for survival will always apply. This of course brings us to the first rule.”
Columbus fumbled with the dangershop remote for a moment or two until words in giant block letters appeared behind him:
“Cardio. That’s the first rule of surviving Zombieland. When the outbreak first hit, the first to go were the people who were out of shape. For obvious reasons. Your homework for the rest of this summer session will be to go for a run at least three times a week and keep a log of how far and how long you were able to go. Don’t laugh. It may not be the most manly of skills but it’ll serve you well in the long run. Uh. No pun intended."
"The other rule you need to remember is this." There was a fumbling of the remote and then... yes. More block letters.
"Granted you can't always do this in an emergency but if you have the time, you should always limber up. The last thing you need is a pulled muscle or a cramp when you are running for your life. So that's it for today. Cardio. Limber up. Sound easy? Good."
Columbus punched off the pause button the remote.
“Let’s see how in shape you are.”
[Please note that this is a class about zombies. If you are squeamish or don't like violence this might not be the post to be reading. OCD is coming.]
RUN! ZOMG! ZOMBIES!
Re: RUN! ZOMG! ZOMBIES!
Still, he was just going to run and use any walls, chairs and cover as a means to confuse the zombies into thinking he wasn't around.
Re: RUN! ZOMG! ZOMBIES!
When a zombie came close, she used magic to toss a few shovels into his path in hopes he'd trip. Her aim wasn't great, but it was enough to knock the creature back.
Tara tioed up her skirt and ran faster after that.
Re: RUN! ZOMG! ZOMBIES!
Hank took off running with both arms held straight in front of him and his legs wheeling awkwardly. It was an odd-looking gait, but it served him fairly well.
He headed straight for the nearest goalpost and tried to scramble up it, to no avail. When the zombies caught up with him, though, he managed to step on one's head and leverage his way up onto the crossbar from there without getting bit.
Re: RUN! ZOMG! ZOMBIES!
The screaming and flailing of his arms were just for extra effect. And he might even argue that it helped him run faster, too.