fandomhigh | Childcare for Idiots, Thursday

No very special guests in class this week it would appear. Because Deadpool was too awesome to need another team up.

"Today we're gonna talk about something that happens with all kids," Deadpool said, arms crossed over his chest like this was totally serious business. "Unless they're overly precocious little monsters that are biding their time, lulling you into a false sense of security before they stab you to death while you sleep."

Wasn't he just cheery?

"I'm talking, of course, about temper tantrums."

Clearly!

"They can happen for any number of reasons," he continued. "They're sleepy, they're bored, they feel like pushing boundaries today, or just because they wanna. Children are insidious and less predictable than me. And that's sayin' something."

Luckily Jan was busy pretending to read a book about gay, gay penguins and had nothing to contribute to this class as an example. Or maybe she was biding her time. God help us all.

"So, how do you respond?" Deadpool asked. "Not like a bitch ass parents on those stupid Nanny 911 shows, that's for sure. God, I hate them with every fiber of my being. So, I wanna hear what you think should be done when dealing with a tantrum. Get into groups of two and discuss. Just remember that logic and reason ate useless with kids. Useless, I say!"

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"There were a few tantrums," Rilla admitted. "And more than a few spankings."

"Which probably didn't make things much quieter," Jim wagered, "but I can imagine it got the point across that tantrums didn't lead to anywhere good."

"I was only spanked once," Rilla said. "It was not an experience I wanted repeated."

"And spankings never really turned me off," Jim noted, grinning lopsidedly, and maybe just a bit sheepishly. "I guess maybe I'm just a sucker for punishment."

Hence all the trouble he'd been getting into with the cops.

"Perhaps," Rilla said archly. "What are you getting up to?"

"Nothing," Jim laughed, holding up his hands. "I'm completely innocent!"

Except for how he usually wasn't. Usually.

"Mostly!"

Rilla burst out laughing. "No wonder you got spanked so much! That's the worst innocent face I've seen!"

"Oh, I have to work on it, do I?" Jim contemplated this for a moment, and then tried another expression on for size.

Fear the sad Disney eyes, Rilla. Fear them.

"How's this one?"

"Much better," Rilla declared.

"I hope so," Jim laughed, settling back into an easy smile. "I've been working on that one since I was three."

He got to stay up late with his storybooks a lot, when he'd discovered that big eyes worked.

"It shows," she said, nodding.

"Thanks," Jim replied, completely unrepentant in his abuse of the Big Sad Eyes. "You know, I bet we could probably get kids to stop throwing tantrums entirely, if we just teach them how useful that face really is."

Jim logic, ladies and gentlemen.

"That is an excellent idea!"

What? Jim was cute.

Rilla was pretty adorable, herself. And it helped that she was actually telling Jim that he had good ideas. There was something he didn't hear very often back on Montressor.

"You think so? Then I'm definitely going to have to try it out sometime, if there's ever a tantrum that needs to be defused."

That would totally end well!

"Well it won't be from me," Rilla said. "I detest sulking."

Which would be news to some people around here.

"Really? I bet you could probably work up a good sulk if you ever had to," Jim mused, leaning forward a little and looking at her thoughtfully. "I mean, not that you'll ever have to, right? But girls are way better at sulking than boys. They're prettier, you know?"

"We certainly like to think we are," Rilla said, using the expression she'd mastered since she was three, arching her eyebrows and looking adorably inquisitive.

"Definitely prettier," Jim decided. "You've got those eyes mastered."

And was just about the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

Which maybe didn't say much, considering the weird things that crawled around on his home planet. But still.

"Thank you," Rilla said, smiling. "Mother was hardly ever cross with me."

Childcare for Idiots, Thursday

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