fandomhigh | Cupcake War Crimes, Week 4 [Tuesday, Period 1]

The classroom setup should be familiar to everyone by now; the remaining mystery was what kind of cupcakes were lurking beneath the covered plates on the front counter.

“Back to the savory cupcakes today,” Anders began once the class had assembled. “We’re pretty sure we’ve covered how out there these things can get, but why not go over it again?” Really. Why not experience the true horror one more time?

Some people (say, Stark for example) might not want to experience horror quite so often, Anders. “We wanted to make sure it was all clear. Very, very, very clear.” And with today’s cupcakes it ought to be clear. Maybe not to Sam, but to most people in the class.

With a barely suppressed shudder, Stark turned to reveal this week’s crimes against baked goods. “Fish. Again. Not the little red candy ones. Real ones. Ones that used to swim. Inside the cupcakes. They didn’t swim inside the cupcakes,” that would be really weird, “they’re inside the cakes now. These used to be tuna, before they were cupcakes. Now they’re tuna cupcakes.”

Anders eyed him indulgently, then reached over to pat him on the shoulder. “Same goes for the escargot ones. I think we can at least all agree that these are really wrong?” Gods, he hoped so. If anybody defended these, he might cry.

Don’t worry Anders, Stark will be joining you with tears of his own in that case. “You didn’t make those up yourself, did you?” Stark asked, eyeing Anders warily. He hoped not. That might inspire even more tears, and the poor alien only had the one eye to cry with.

So basically, let’s not make anyone cry, kids, okay? Anders looked a little hurt when he turned to Stark, though. “Would I ever do that?” He felt he had a right to sound horrified about it. “It wasn’t me. But someone did.”

“I just wanted to be sure,” Stark said. “Sorry. Sorry.” Quick, on to less distressing topics and cupcakes! The next tray, which Stark was hurriedly uncovering, was almost guaranteed not to cause any tears. “These snail cupcakes are better.” And also kind of adorable. “Since they don’t contain any real snails.”

“Just a nice frosting job,” Anders agreed, setting a bowl out on the counter. “But we found these fancy chocolate snail-shell things you can use to decorate. Guaranteed snail free.”

“And we didn’t forget last week,” Stark said. Even though some cupcakes had been somewhat forgettable. And the winner was...”Lion-O,” Stark said, looking down at the note in front of him. “Had the week’s best cupcake.”

[Standard availability disclaimers apply]

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Raven eeped and threw up her hands as batter came her way. "Bobby!" she cried in dismay as some splattered in her hair.

"I'm sorry!" Bobby flailed. "I didn't mean to!" Unfortunately flailing was pretty much the worst thing a kitchen-accident-prone teenager could do right about now, as evidenced by the bowl of rainbow sprinkles he hit and sent flying everywhere.

Now she had batter and rainbow sprinkles in her hair. Raven really didn't mean to knock the flour over, but she was backing away from Bobby and batting at the sprinkles and it was just there and oops.

And now Bobby was covered in flour, sending little flour-dust-clouds up whenever he moved. Which he was doing now towards a bottle of chocolate syrup, grabbing it and squirting at Raven.

Yeah, he'd just decided to up the ante from accidental to on-purpose mess. FEAR.

Raven squealed as the chocolate syrup spurted on her face and shirt. "BOBBY!"

She'd managed a pillow fight with Karla several weeks earlier, though it was not without some hesitation first that she chose to retaliate. She picked up a bag of frosting, aimed it at Bobby's head, and squeezed.

Considering Bobby had decided that one of his unofficial missions in life was to make sure Raven didn't take herself too seriously, he was pretty pleased with her retaliating. "Gyah!" he exclaimed, swiping at the frosting as it landed in his hair, and really only managing to smear it down across his face. "Oh, it's on now!" and he was lobbing swedish fish at her.

"Bobby, stop!" Raven cried, but she was laughing as the swedish fish bounced off her head and body (though some of them stuck to the chocolate syrup). There was a container of cinnamon within flailing distance, and somehow this ended up in her hand, opened, and flung toward Bobby.

"Somehow", suuuuuure. The iced-cinnamon-flour-mess that was currently known as Bobby Drake grabbed a spoon and loaded it up with icing, slingshotting it towards Raven.

The chocolate-batter-rainbow-sprinkles-swedish-fish mess known as Raven gasped and ducked as the icing flew towards her.

Hopefully there was no one behind her. Like a teacher looking to stop the fight.

Somewhere in New York where it was fall of 2001 right now, a certain obnoxiously rich Potential Slayer was missing these two extra hard and not really knowing why.

In the classroom, though? These two just got a frowny unwitting Cylon coming toward them with his arms crossed over his chest and a disapproving look. Sorry about that, Raven.

Anders cleared his throat loudly and pointedly before asking, "Having fun, you two?"

Raven spun around and frozen with a look of absolute horror, suddenly remembering they were in class and misbehaving. The shame, the utter shame of it all!

Dropping her gaze to the floor (as a Swedish Fish fell out of her hair), she mumbled, "I am very sorry, Professor Anders. I do not know what came over us."

Anders had a private moment of shame himself, only his was more of the suddenly-feeling-old variety.

"First thing: for the love of gods, don't ever call me 'Professor' again," he said quickly. "Second, it's a natural impulse. When I was your age --"

He trailed off in horror that those words just came out of his mouth, and shook his head again. "What I'm trying to say is that I get how much fun it can be, but c'mon, guys. The tuna cupcakes are horrible enough."

Cupcake teachers were so difficult. Azar!

"That is your title and it is proper and respectful for me to address you that way," Raven said forlornly. "But I apologize and will clean up immediately."

Even if it was all Bobby's fault.

"I'm not that much older than you," Anders told her, relenting a little and letting a smile cross his face as he playfully shook a finger at both of them. "But you guys make sure you do clean up. Sooner's better than later; trust me, this stuff's a pain to scrub out once it's dried up, and Fosse's got enough work to do."

He paused and glanced at Bobby. "That goes for both of you, okay?"

"Right," Bobby nodded, not looking the least bit sorry. Well, sorry they got caught and stopped, maybe.

"Will we be assigned detention?" Raven asked. HOW WOULD SHE EXPLAIN THIS TO ANAKIN? HOW?

Anders still fondly remembered making the common room a glittery, battered mess due to exploding cupcakes, so he didn't blame Bobby.

"Just this once," he replied, pretending to look stern, "I figure cleaning up the mess should be punishment enough."

Bobby was facepalming and halfway to elbowing Raven because why would she mention detention when there was a chance it wouldn't even cross the teacher's mind when Anders spoke.

"Oh, of course," he said, bobbing his head emphatically. "Totally." SEE HOW TOTALLY CONTRITE HE WAS.

BECAUSE THEY HAD BEEN BAD, BOBBY. SEE WHAT NON-PACIFISM GOT YOU?

"Thank you for your lenience," Raven said, barely managing not to add "Professor Anders," but it was implied. "We will clean everything immediately."

Watch Anders totally not buy your contrition, Bobby.

"Good," Anders replied, and he'd looked worried for a moment that Raven really would throw that 'Professor' in there.

He paused, then grinned conspiratorially. "That kind of thing's more fun in common rooms, trust me."

Cupcake War Crimes, Week 4 [Tuesday, Period 1]

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