fandomhigh | Childcare For Idiots, Thursday

"Welcome back to class, everyone. Glad to see no one ended up staying in the 80s and altering the very fabric of reality forever," Deadpool said, waving his hands about dramatically. It was his best Doctor Strange impression. "Hoary host."

That would never not amuse him, okay? Never.

People might have noticed by then that there was an extra child in the room, being entertained by a very involved play being put on by Jan about a giraffe who could use swords and was in love with a My Little Pony.

It would one day win awards. Really.

"Today we're gonna talk about diapers and what you get to deal with if those rugrats of yours aren't house trained yet. Everybody poops unless you're a robot and even then I have my suspicions. So... learn to change a goddamn diaper." Helpful Deadpool was helpful. "Since Jan is thankfully no longer in that stage, we have a special guest for the demonstration today. Everybody give a mildly warm welcome to that Skywalker guy with the fabulous hair and his spawn who is in no way better than Jan because Jan is awesome."

...yeah.

Everybody wave at the guy who wasn't at all cooler than Deadpool. Just sayin'.

"Intermission," he informed Jan as he scooped up the other child. "First of all you make sure they actually need a diaper change--okay, she smells like horrible cheese mixed with Indian food. That means yes to changing, eff why eye."

Placing the little one on what appeared to be a Deadpool themed cushion on his desk, he started the procedure. "Oh, oh god! What have you been feeding her? It's everywhere! Oh god, I'm gonna puke!" A beat. "And yes, I find the complaining helps. Or at least gets someone else to change the next one because you were being way too loud about it during their CNN time."

Shhh. He thought he was clever.

Diaper now changed and child returned to the most epic play ever, Deadpool did the mature thing and tossed the rolled up diaper in Anakin's direction. "Now, we got dolls that crap. So partner off and give it a go."

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At least the fake poo doesn't smell?

The lack of smell was one thing to be thankful for.

Really, though, it was probably just lucky this kid was a doll, because it was probably going to end up with a diaper on backwards unless he got a partner good at this sort of thing. Chuck himself had no clue what he was doing here.

Older kids, he was completely comfy with. Babies? Not so confident.

Hey, changing the diaper on a doll? Jim could handle that. Especially since there wasn't actual diaper crud going on in there. He felt maybe a little silly doing it, but at least he managed to get the thing changed with minimum fuss.

Nothing to it!

Sam went for touching the fake kid and its diaper of fake poo as little as possible, all the while going "ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew".

Which wasn't very effective, but she didn't deal well with this sort of thing.

Karla was mostly just eying the baby suspiciously. Francine had taken care of their baby for the most part and after her, Dolf, and that was pretty much the most practice Karla had had with babies. Even in Healer training, the parents of a sick baby usually were the ones doing all the holding and whatnot.

Which just meant this was necessary practice, right?

Reminding herself sternly she'd dealt with worse, Karla started trying to figure out the diapers.

"You have to unwrap that bit," Dolf pointed out, brightly. "And then hold it a little bit away from you."

Downwind. That was the word.

"Can't I just keep hoping any future children I have magically show up potty-trained and eating solid foods?" Karla complained as she followed his instructions.

"It really doesn't work that way," Dolf said, in a sort of Zen-like fashion as he observed her diaper-handling. "At least in this time you don't have to wash the cloth afterwards."

Sov managed this quickly and efficiently. Why was this included in a class? Did people grow up without hearthsibs?

Rilla was stymied by the lack of diaper pins. "This is ridiculous," she grumbled, flailing her hand around as the diaper tab stuck to her fingers.

Seifer changed the diaper pretty quick, he did grow up in an orphanage after all.

It was still disgusting.

"At least it's not trying to kill me."

Everyone was just going to have to deal with Annie talking to her doll for a moment.

"Okay," she said, trying to sound determined. "This isn't going to be fun, and it's not going to be pretty. But together, you and I are going to get through this, and we'll be better people for it. And also, cleaner people. Hopefully."

Commence diaper changing.

Childcare For Idiots, Thursday - 5/26

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