Childcare For Idiots, Thursday, Period 1 - 5/12

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Class on this fine, Icelandic day was greeted by a small pile of delicious, delicious candy waiting for them to help themselves to. Oh, and a guy in a red outfit that most certainly was not pajamas at all. Because that would be silly.

And a small, three year old child sitting at the desk, coloring what appeared to be dinosaurs. Oh yeah, this was learning through experience, people. Get used to it.

"Goooood mornin' class!" Deadpool said, bouncing on his heels as everyone filed on in. "Welcome to Childcare for Idiots. Because, trust me, on this island you're gonna need it. Whether it's due to random children from alternate universes that are just so goddamn precocious that you want to claw your own eyes out or because your roommate/bestie/significant other has magically turned into a small version of themselves... it's just gonna happen."

Deal with it.

"My name is Deadpool, only with better font. And this right here is Janice Summers. She is the mayor's kid and there will hell to pay if anyone harms a hair on her lil' ginger head. Got it?" he asked. "Good! Today we're gonna introduce ourselves and talk about how it's tempting to give kids candy and ice cream to stop them from making sad eyes or crying... the sugar high and crash after will probably change your mind preeeeetty quickly."

A beat.

"And they'll probably puke on you. Innit that right, Jan?"

Jan didn't even look up from her coloring book to call out, "Yeeeees, daaaad."

YOU HEARD NOTHING OF THE PATERNAL SORT HERE.

Deadpool cleared his throat, waving toward the candy. "Now grab some and introduce yourself and why you're here. Quickly, before I sic the kid on you. She has stickers and likes to braid hair. Just puttin' it out there."

Comments

Sign In

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Like a kid.

Re: Sign In

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

Jack Carter

Re: Sign In

[iwishiwasbig.livejournal.com]

Dave Nelson

Introduce Yourself!

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

And have candy. Mmmm. Candy.

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Hi, I'm Jack Carter and I really have no idea why-"

And that's when he realized it. "Hero Management." "Try Not to Die." "Child Care for Idiots."

All classes Zoe would have signed him up for.

"Damn it! She did this! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"

He scowled and regained his composure. Mostly. "Somebody else signed me up for this."

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

"Someone that fills you with such rage," Deadpool added sadly. "You see, this is why we don't talk about our feelings at all. Instead, we just repress until that gives you an ulcer. It's the circle of life."

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[hurtingzeebo]

"I'm Sam Puckett," she said. "And this is obviously someone's idea of a joke." She didn't know whose, but when she found out, oh, there would be hell to pay. (It was as though someone knew Sam was the sort to run a sweatshop full of fourth graders like a prison.)

"And anyway, seems to me adults always need more 'childcare' than the kids do."

In her world, they usually did.

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

"That tends to come later in the year," Deadpool assured her. "Or earlier. If the interwebs cooperate with plans."

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[annieadderall.livejournal.com]

If Annie was shooting Jack any looks about that whole roommate-turning-into-a-child thing after he'd told her about the possibility of her turning into an eight-year-old girl, well.

"My name is Annie Edison, and... I never got anything about signing up for classes. I thought they were all just standardized. I have no idea why I'm here. Did you say 'alternate universe?'"

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Deadpool wiggled his fingers at her in 'Jazz hands'. "It's a maaaagical thing. Just be careful when you wake up after a dance. Or sockhop. Or shindig."

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[stars_and_money]

"Jeremy Darling. I... think I'm here because of a paperwork error."

In fact, he was sure that was what it was, because he would've never picked this class. Ever. Darlings had nannies for this stuff.

"But uh, I guess this might be useful anyway?"

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"I'm Rilla Blythe," Rilla said, careful not to lisp as she took a piece of candy, "and I think thith--" shoot, "clath--" MORE SHOOT, "mutht be an error. I don't even like babies."

And her mother and sisters found that unnatural and weird.

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

Seifer was just going to kick back and relax. It was no use ranting like the one guy had, it didn't get you anywhere.

"Seifer Almasy. I'm here because my psuedo-older sister has a very bad sense of humor, considering she was the one who tried to feed the younger kids mud pies full of dead things."

Probably not, but it was fun to start rumors about Quistis.

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[need-no-moon.livejournal.com]

"Jacob Black," Jake introduced himself, he had a hand full of candy and wasn't afraid to munch on it. "Don't have a fucking clue how I got here. I think Sam's having a joke on me or something."

Or maybe someone realised the only reason he hadn't failed the fake baby thing in Anakin's class was because he'd pawned the fake kid off on Morgana. Though seriously, that had been in the fake kid's best interest.

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[answer2bheard.livejournal.com]

Jim found himself mildly intrigued by the red pyjamas, a bit wary of the junk food, and perhaps a touch jealous of the obviously healthy child-father relationship dynamic going on, here.

Shut up.

"I'm Jim Hawkins," he introduced himself, passing a piece of candy idly from hand to hand. "And I... like kids?"

Look, everyone else was saying that there was some sort of cruel joke being played on them, or that the paperwork had been botched. The case very well might have been the same for him, but Jim dared to be different.

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[glacial_queen]

Karla wasn't touching her candy. Mother Night, this grief-thing sucked. In a low voice she said, "I'm Karla. I'm here because the last time we were invaded by future kids, I had seven. I've never giving much thought to taking care of children--" like the Darlings, there had been a parade of nurses and nannies on the estate "--but I figured Fandom might be trying to tell me something. So...here I am."

Seriously. Seven kids.

Re: Introduce Yourself!

[selfhelphero]

Sorry, but Billy was going to need a second to recover from seeing a small, innocent, impressionable child refer to Deadpool as "dad." He hadn't even gotten to the "the mayor's kid" part yet. "Um, I'm Billy Kaplan, and I have no idea why I'm here. I mean, my parents signed me up for this stuff, but I don't know why they picked this one."

Deal With A Child

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

...Jan just wanted to make you pretty with the braiding. Is that so much to ask?

Re: Deal With A Child

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Before we start here?" Jack began, trying to sound reasonable. "My hair is way to short for braiding.

Re: Deal With A Child

[hurtingzeebo]

Sam was cool with hair braiding. So long as the kid didn't manage to pull any out.

"This is my candy, though, kid," she said. "You'll have to find your own."

Re: Deal With A Child

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

Seifer just sort of peered at the kid, and then pulled one of those handheld gaming devices from his pocket.

"Wanna shoot some space lizards?"

Re: Deal With A Child

[answer2bheard.livejournal.com]

"Hey, there," Jim said, crouching down to get a look at her coloring book. "What are you up to?"

He knew what she was doing, yeah. But he wasn't entirely certain what to make of the things she was coloring. Weird... toothy things. Huh.

Re: Deal With A Child

[glacial_queen]

"No braiding today, Jan," Karla told the little girl quietly. "I've got somewhere to be later. We can play with stickers or something instead."

Talk to the Teacher

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Because he was there for you.

OOC

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Mmmm. Candy.