fandomhigh | Classrooms Around Campus, All Day Saturday

Classrooms Around Campus, All Day Saturday

It was Saturday, and that meant Career Day! Unbeknownst to all the students who had taken the career placement test, Fandom had apparently conspired to place them all in workshops that didn't quite fit the answers they gave for their tests. The island was tricky that way. Not to mention that the workshops that the island had planned were somewhat different from the workshops an ordinary school might offer on Career Day. As in quite a lot different.

So the classrooms all around the school were filled with visitors from off-island and island alike, all of whom had been led to believe that they would be teaching eager-minded groups of students, excited to learn about their prospective careers. This assumption was not necessarily accurate.

[[up early early early for timezones! ~~wait for the OCD or puppies will die.~~ the puppies are safe now.]]

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And Archie Goodwin!

It was a bit much in the way of payback, but really, Archie should have expected it. It had been a very nice Vuylstekeara (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vuylstekeara), and, after paying Saul and Fred and repairing the car, the case hadn't netted them enough to replace even one plat. But still, assigning him to a career day at a boarding school? He had to admit, though, as he removed his hat and coat, setting them down next to the sign indicating the 'topic' he'd been assigned, he was rather proud of Wolfe for it.

"My name, as some of you may know if they let you read the good papers in this town, is Archie Goodwin. I'm a licensed private detective, but since all that's needed to become a private dick in New York is a fee to the Secretary of State, I'm not here to talk about that. Sorry if you bought a ticket and all."

"I'm talking about working for a genius. And I don't mean just a smart person. I mean the annoying, uptight, set-in-his ways, knows everything, ego-centric, speaks several languages and still can't answer the damn phone with more than a grunt, doesn't leave his chair because he doesn't have to, full-on genius."

None were in this room. Archie wasn't a genius, he'd just detected it.

"The first thing you have to know, is that a genius does not get along with normal people, so working for one is pure hell. And yes, you will be working for them; since they don't like people, you can't be partners, and they hate to work so they can't be hired. The only way to make them work is to somehow get something on them. If you're good, you can annoy them into working, but that's a fine line to walk. You're just as likely to make them turn to stone and shut down." Archie remembered a certain Mister X that he wasn't supposed to remember and frowned. "Or kill someone; make sure you don't get yourself a genius who kills. The pension is terrible."

"Number two. Your genius will expect you to do everything no matter what you are being compensated. Don't. Draw your lines and stand on them, pitch a tent, sit like you're on third and the pitcher has eyes in the back and sides of his head. Standing your ground and demanding appropriate compensation will impress your genius, which puts you well on the way to number three: geniuses need us, but will never admit it."

"No matter how you start working for them, your genius will believe they have chosen you, and that you were chosen because you amuse them. It's not true. You're the best at what you do for them. Somehow you can put up with them and they can put up with you and something you do helps them and they will expect nothing less than that you keep doing that, but will never admit they need it. But they do."

Archie shrugged and sat on a corner of the desk. "It's not the easiest gig in the world, but there are rewards. You get involved in interesting things - geniuses can't stand being bored, and if you play it right, you're well paid to do stuff any normal person would do on their own, plus some light typing. And if you work for Nero Wolfe, you get good food. But you won't, because that's my job and no one gets to poke at my favourite fatty but me. Any questions?"

"Aren't you, like, annoyed?" Hank had to ask. "I mean, your genius sounds like kind of a douche."

Most of the "geniuses" Hank had dealt with were. All "science" this and "clean your room" that.

'Douche'?

Archie wasn't sure of the use of that word, but he could at least answer the rest of the question. "Often. He has his rules and sometimes life doesn't want to fit into those rules. But a genius thinks he's about even that."

If there's a corpse in your front room, for example, normal people would break their rule about 'no business at the table'.

"But I get paid for what I do. Well. If I want to leave my comfortable bed, free meals, and nice postal address, I can, but just because I'm annoyed? I may be from Ohio, but I didn't arrive yesterday."

"And the moral of the story is: enough money can make up for just about anything!" It was like a public service announcement! "And you should spay and neuter your pets."

...

Was this that kind of boarding school? Wolfe had definitely gone too far. This called for stepping up; maybe Lilly needed a cabana boy for a long weekend soon.

"I don't care how much money I get, I wouldn't work for a different agency. I work for Mister Wolfe because he pays me, yes, but I also know he's a genius. I wouldn't work for anyone who wasn't; I'd be out on my own."

Maybe the kid didn't understand. Did he need to use smaller words?

Nope! Those words were just small enough!

"Sheeesh, masochist much?"

"The bad stuff doesn't happen all at once. Some days I don't even pester him about the mail needing responses," Archie shrugged, determined to not upset the poor kid. He probably didn't even know what year it was. "And some days I have to leave the house before I hit him. Even if it means skipping roast duck for dry corned beef on toast."

Archie did feel it only fair to add, though, "He does have to put up with me, too. I have my own rules. Like I said, you gotta make some or they will walk all over you and you will lose any respect."

"That's okay!" Hank told him cheerfully. "I don't have any self-respect!"

"Well then. May I suggest a career as a member of law enforcement?"

Hank sneered derisively. "Pfffft. Do I look like a donut-muncher? I'm heading for bigger and better things!"

Just what, he wasn't really sure.

Sure he was.

"I hope he finds pot-rot on all of his Miltonia."

Hank had no idea what that meant. He hazarded a guess, though. "Uh... Drugs are bad, okay?"

Rinoa couldn't help drawing parallels between geniuses and, well. Emotionally closed-off mercenaries. So sue her.

"How did you get your start?" she asked. "Was it part of the private detective thing you mentioned?"

(ooc: ♥ ♥ ♥)

Archie had nothing against pretty young girls, emphasis on the young, but looking at her, he was not sure he shouldn't have gone into a bit more of the horrors of the real world.

"That's what I do. Been doing it for so long, i couldn't tell you how we started." He gave her his best 'big brother' grin. "Both my boss and I are detectives. I do the paperwork, legwork and provide the muscle, he provides the genius. Because he's a genius, though, my job also includes pestering him to do his actual job so we can earn money." And driving him everywhere, cataloging his orchids, ordering specialty foods, getting tossed in the can, answering the mail, bodyguard...

[ooc: did it for you, bb <3]

"I'm good at the pestering people part," Rinoa said -- just ask her boyfriend -- "but I'd get bored with paperwork. Are there other kinds of geniuses you can work for?"

"The problem with geniuses is that they are all the same. I've met a few and they all work just the same. They can have different jobs, though. You'll still be made to do everything they don't want to do, which is everything, but maybe you could find one who doesn't have paperwork?"

Archie was going to get Wolfe back hard for this assignment. "But you can't just work for anyone because you want to. You still have to have something that they need."

Peter simply smirked most of the time while Archie talked.

"So, when do you plan to retire?" was Peter's smart-ass question, since the 'working for Nero Wolfe' gig sounded pretty nice.

Oh, this one looked to be a fun one. Archie took a moment to give the kid a look over.

"I don't expect to. When I get tired of working for Mister Wolfe, I'll open my own agency. I have the funds, the resources and the skills. But there isn't much of a chance that I'll retire."

"And you'll have built a reputation working for a genius in the meantime," Peter said. "Pretty good business plan, all around. Good work if you can get it."

"Works both ways, kid. I have a reputation as Mr Wolfe's flunky to beat down, even if I do my share of the work."

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Classrooms Around Campus, All Day Saturday

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