fandomhigh | Classrooms Around Campus, All Day Saturday

Classrooms Around Campus, All Day Saturday

It was Saturday, and that meant Career Day! Unbeknownst to all the students who had taken the career placement test, Fandom had apparently conspired to place them all in workshops that didn't quite fit the answers they gave for their tests. The island was tricky that way. Not to mention that the workshops that the island had planned were somewhat different from the workshops an ordinary school might offer on Career Day. As in quite a lot different.

So the classrooms all around the school were filled with visitors from off-island and island alike, all of whom had been led to believe that they would be teaching eager-minded groups of students, excited to learn about their prospective careers. This assumption was not necessarily accurate.

[[up early early early for timezones! ~~wait for the OCD or puppies will die.~~ the puppies are safe now.]]

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And Jeff Winger!

Jeff was wearing a suit just this side of incredibly expensive, and there was a pair of incredibly cool aviator sunglasses balancing on his nose. "Hello, everyone, and welcome to this workshop, which is not at all the product of blackmail."

Pelton was going to pay when this was over.

"Now, you may ask, why 'How to Become a Lawyer and Not Get Caught'. Is getting caught a legitimate risk of becoming a lawyer? Is being a lawyer illegal, and if so, why? Or is becoming a lawyer something resembling a terrorist bootcamp in Pakistan, and are you going to get terribly hurt trying, and arrested for treason?"

Why, yes, he was pulling this out of his ass right where he stood. What, like he was going to bother preparing for something like this.

"Many of those who aren't lawyers would like you to think so," he said, which blatantly wasn't true. "But the truth is, they're just jealous. Because being a lawyer is cool. You don't believe me? Look at me. I'm a lawyer. I'm cool."

Technically, he wasn't a lawyer at the moment. But he totally was cool. Look at his chest-- that took work.

"Now look at yourself. You're not lawyers. Yet. Many of you will no doubt fail. That's why becoming a lawyer means being smart. If that means getting a fake degree from the country of Columbia and passing it off as the University of Colombia? Why not. You're a lawyer. You're smart. You're cool."

He whipped off his sunglasses. "C'mon. Don't you want to be cool... like me?"

Claudia raised her hand. "What, exactly, makes you 'cool'?"

Sure, Claudia. Ask him about himself.

"A very good question," Jeff said, sliding his aviators back on. Coolly. "You know, I do ask myself that every day. After all, it isn't in the nature of man to consider himself 'cool'. Most of us are large buckets of neuroses who might be able to pick up on someone else's awesomeness, but not our own. So what, then, defines 'cool'? Is it the friends we make, the car we drive, the amount of time we spend in the gym--" Not that he was tilting just so to show off his chest, perish the tought, "The cash in our wallet, the expensive--" Seriously, tilting juuust right, "suits we wear? Is it just simply not caring too much, even when you are lecturing to high school students at an overblown career fair?"

He leaned forward. Yes, he still had a nice chest. "But you see, 'cool' isn't objective. If I explain why I'm cool, I've stopped being cool. And then I wouldn't get to be here. And not being here would probably immediately make me about ten times cooler than I am right now, so either way, I think I win."

Yeah, Claudia kinda zoned out on most of that speech.

"Yeah, but do you, like, fight evil or save the world or work on projects that might accidentally destroy the universe or something?"

Claudia's definition of 'cool' clearly did not match Jeff's.

Most definitely not.

"No," said Jeff, patiently, "Because that's what nerds do."

Besides, he used to be a lawyer. He was pretty sure he was supposed to do evil.

"Ah." Claudia smirked faintly. "So what you're saying is, nerds are awesome."

Dammit, she could probably make a really good lawyer.

"No, see, that's called 'making an effort'," he said. He was too cool for fingerquotes. He had inflection. "And making an effort is never cool."

Or at least not looking like you made one. Same difference.

"I didn't say 'cool'," Claudia pointed out. "I said 'awesome'."

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

dollop-of-irony.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 12:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

notmyownage - 2011-03-05 12:40 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

dollop-of-irony.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 12:47 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

notmyownage - 2011-03-05 12:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

dollop-of-irony.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 12:53 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

notmyownage - 2011-03-05 21:30 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

dollop-of-irony.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 21:47 (UTC) - Expand

The first thing to come to Jeremy's mind when this presentation started was 'hey isn't this the guy from the community college thing?' but (un)fortunately that got pushed aside as time went on. Yes, he zoned out pretty spectacularly through most of what Jeff said. Please, Jeremy didn't want to be a lawyer. It seemed like too much of a hassle, he'd seen their family lawyer act all busy all the time and that wasn't the kind of life he envisioned for himself.

So, it was no surprise that when he put his hand up, his question wasn't all too relevant. "What brand are those sunglasses?"

"Good question."

Jeff would much rather be answering these kind of questions than questions about lawyering or whatever. He shot Jeremy a grin. "Classic Ray-Ban Outdoorsman," he said.

"Nice," Jeremy said with an appreciative nod, a smile spreading across his face. Hey, he'd managed to find something that was relevant to his interests. "I didn't think lawyers were allowed to wear good stuff."

Dutch was efficient but a style icon he was not.

"Then you clearly haven't been hanging with the right lawyers," Jeff replied. This kid looked like a rich kid. Heh. "Image is everything. How else are they going to buy what you're selling?"

"I don't know," Jeremy said, shrugging a shoulder as he leaned back in his chair. "I guess I'm just used to lawyers whose job is to, you know, make stuff go away."

Because yes, rich kid, rich family, scandals and all that stuff.

"And you think we do that just by flapping our hands? Oh, no, young Donny Osmond, you can't make stuff go away without breaking a few eggs. Or, to break the metaphor, buy a few five-thousand-dollar suits."

Had you noticed his suit, Jeremy?

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

stars_and_money - 2011-03-05 19:54 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

dollop-of-irony.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 21:48 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

stars_and_money - 2011-03-05 21:53 (UTC) - Expand

"No."

That was an easy question. Go on, ask another.

Jeff considered it. "I respect that," he said. "Non-participation. Good start."

"I don't care whether you respect me or not," Squall answered with a shrug.

If he wanted to know about being a lawyer, he'd ask a competent one, like Professor Cabot.

"What will you do when you get caught?" he had to ask.

Jeff would argue that he totally was competent, just crippled by a sad and pitiable case of apathy at the moment.

"Who says I will?" Jeff asked, instead of the more accurate, who says I haven't?

Squall shrugged. "No one. But it'll probably happen eventually." Logic. It was all logic-y like that.

"Presumptuous," Jeff judged. "'Probably'? Do you have statistics for that? And 'eventually' is a very broad timeframe."

Re: How To Become A Lawyer And Not Get Caught

whateverknight.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 22:12 (UTC) - Expand

George was going to think that one over.

"I thought law shit was boring," she said.

"Sure, if you're going to waste all of your time pouring through documents," Jeff said, lightly. "But really, all you need is a talent for words and absolutely no morals whatsoever. They used to call me and my colleagues the Litterbugs because of all the trash we put back on the streets."

That... probably shouldn't be something you were proud of, Jeff.

"And it pays very well."

"That part sounds nice," George said, brightening considerably. "Morals are kind of overrated. But I'm not ... all that great with words."

Jeff observed her critically. "You got anything else?" he said. "Cut-throat attitude, acting talents, a nice rack?" A beat. "I'm not supposed to judge on the latter because you are like fifteen years younger than me. I'm just saying. Being a lawyer is all about image and spinning the truth."

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