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fandomhigh2010-09-07 04:42 am
ivejustinvented.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2010-09-07 04:42 am
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The Mathmatics of Quantum Neutrino Fields; Tuesday, Period 4 [ 09/07 ].
The crate, labeled with a black "Fragile" stamp and a "This Way Up" with an arrow that was clearly upside down, had arrived that morning, just in time for class, and so now it sat on Farnsworth's desk at the head of the class, looming ominously.
"Well, crap," said Farnsworth, frowning as he looked over the room. "You're all backprobably." He'll have to try harder, next time, but luckily, he did have a lesson plan (mostly so he could present it as proof to anyone who signed his paychecks that he might possibly be doing this thing for realsies), so he was able to forge right ahead with it.
"As promised, we'll be having a test today over the subject matter covered in last week class, so, everyone come up and get one and drop off your homework. We'll begin the first twenty minutes of class with the test." While he went over here and napped. When a timer went off to signal the end of the test, Professor Farnsworth jolted awake again with a, "Eh? Wha? Moonwalker!"
He looked around, realized that this teaching thing wasn't just a nightmare after all, and got up. "If you'll pass the tests forward, we'll get started on today's topic."
"Today's topic is dark matter. What is dark matter? Why does it matter? Dark matter, like your brains, is completely undetectable by emitted or scattered electromagnetic radiation, and it exists from gravitational effects on visible matter and background radiation. It exists probably as a discrepancy in measurements in the universe, although since 80% of the universe is dark matter, and 20% is all normal matter, I think it's probably the other way around, and you're all actually the discrepancies, and the missing mass in the universe."
He continued on, in what was mostly a jamble of information about dark matter that should be considered highly suspect, and is reduced to mere narrative because the mun is too scientifically inept to even feel right about abridging Wikipedia.
"Now meet Nibbler."
The Professor went to the box, hefting up a crowbar, and took to the task of opening the crate. On the one side, this was a process that was not easy for a man of Farnsworth's age and physique. On the other side, the effort was doing wonders in eating up class time. Finally, though, he managed, and all sides of the crate fell away to reveal a small black creature so ugly it was almost cute, in a diaper, yellow shoes, and a dashing cape.
"He craps dark matter. Every time this ugly little creature consumes food and digests it, he craps out dark matter, each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds, as much as a thousand suns, and yet it's probably as small as that guy's left testicle.
"I fed him a few hours again, so it should be any minute no--"
As if on cue, Nibbler's face started to scrunch up, a look of worry passed through his eyes, and then there was clearly some internal strain.
"We've got a live one!" said the Professor, who lifted Nibbler off the desk, setting him on the floor so that when the crap dropped, it didn't drop through the desk. A small, round black marble of a dropping then sat gleaming up at the class room.
"So, I want each and every one of you to take a moment to come up here and see what I mean about the weight of a thousand suns thing. You're to come up here and have a good look at this dark matter that was just excreted from this creature's bowels and try to pick it up. And then we're going to think about this for a minute. This dark matter came from the butt of a small, cross-eyed creature that smells faintly of wet dog. This irrefutably proves one thing about dark matter. What is it? We will have a discussion," the Professor gave a visceral shudder, "and, for next week, I'd like you to formulate a ten page research paper on this topic. You start us off. You look like you might have some real gems."
[[Please wait for the slowly approaching OCD awaits willing and ready, captain. ]]
[[ Previous Classes ]]
"Well, crap," said Farnsworth, frowning as he looked over the room. "You're all back
"As promised, we'll be having a test today over the subject matter covered in last week class, so, everyone come up and get one and drop off your homework. We'll begin the first twenty minutes of class with the test." While he went over here and napped. When a timer went off to signal the end of the test, Professor Farnsworth jolted awake again with a, "Eh? Wha? Moonwalker!"
He looked around, realized that this teaching thing wasn't just a nightmare after all, and got up. "If you'll pass the tests forward, we'll get started on today's topic."
"Today's topic is dark matter. What is dark matter? Why does it matter? Dark matter, like your brains, is completely undetectable by emitted or scattered electromagnetic radiation, and it exists from gravitational effects on visible matter and background radiation. It exists probably as a discrepancy in measurements in the universe, although since 80% of the universe is dark matter, and 20% is all normal matter, I think it's probably the other way around, and you're all actually the discrepancies, and the missing mass in the universe."
He continued on, in what was mostly a jamble of information about dark matter that should be considered highly suspect, and is reduced to mere narrative because the mun is too scientifically inept to even feel right about abridging Wikipedia.
"Now meet Nibbler."
The Professor went to the box, hefting up a crowbar, and took to the task of opening the crate. On the one side, this was a process that was not easy for a man of Farnsworth's age and physique. On the other side, the effort was doing wonders in eating up class time. Finally, though, he managed, and all sides of the crate fell away to reveal a small black creature so ugly it was almost cute, in a diaper, yellow shoes, and a dashing cape.
"He craps dark matter. Every time this ugly little creature consumes food and digests it, he craps out dark matter, each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds, as much as a thousand suns, and yet it's probably as small as that guy's left testicle.
"I fed him a few hours again, so it should be any minute no--"
As if on cue, Nibbler's face started to scrunch up, a look of worry passed through his eyes, and then there was clearly some internal strain.
"We've got a live one!" said the Professor, who lifted Nibbler off the desk, setting him on the floor so that when the crap dropped, it didn't drop through the desk. A small, round black marble of a dropping then sat gleaming up at the class room.
"So, I want each and every one of you to take a moment to come up here and see what I mean about the weight of a thousand suns thing. You're to come up here and have a good look at this dark matter that was just excreted from this creature's bowels and try to pick it up. And then we're going to think about this for a minute. This dark matter came from the butt of a small, cross-eyed creature that smells faintly of wet dog. This irrefutably proves one thing about dark matter. What is it? We will have a discussion," the Professor gave a visceral shudder, "and, for next week, I'd like you to formulate a ten page research paper on this topic. You start us off. You look like you might have some real gems."
[[
[[ Previous Classes ]]
Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Turn in your Homework and Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Turn in your Homework and Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Christian was baffled. But he managed the word problems well enough. It was just the rest of the test he had a hard time with.
Re: Turn in your Homework and Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
The variables in her equations spelled out interesting messages like "die, you fucking old freak."
Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Pick Up Nibbler's Poop -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Pick Up Nibbler's Poop -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
"I can't do it."
Re: Pick Up Nibbler's Poop -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Two problems with that: one, it meant touching the Nibbler-shit, and two, there didn't seem to be any sharp edges that would help in limb-squashing.
And let's add three: if she managed to lop a few fingers off mid-class, she'd get some really weird questions later after she reattached them.
She settled for poking it with an index finger and mumbling, "yeah, that's heavy."
Discussion -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
The answer: Probably wrong. Guess again, then kill yourself.
Re: Discussion -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
"That you hate us, this class exists to make us fucking miserable, and God is laughing at my pain?"
George didn't know if she believed in God or not. Days like today, she figured He was real, and that He was a sick bastard.
Re: Discussion -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Discussion -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
George's background was not, say, religious in nature.
Re: Discussion -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
"And maybe," he offered, throwing up his arms in a gesture of how futile the discussion was, "humans will evolve so that they have four asses, just so He can kick people in them four times as much!"
Re: Discussion -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
Re: Discussion -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
"Hm?" he, feeling he found a reasonable approach, turned his head toward the girl. "Wha? I'm sorry, I stopped paying attention. You were saying something inane and inconsequential?"
Talk to Farnsworth -- Mo.Q.N.F., 09/07.
OOC -- M.o.Q.N.F., 09/07.
1) The Nibbler class is pretty awesome.
2) They asked me to come in today for the most awkwardly timed shift in the world, so it's either copy-pasta or be late, and I chose copy-pasta. Should be able to get tags again in the evening. Have fun, kiddies.