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Inventing for Dummies; Sixth Period, Thursday [ 07/15 ].

Congratulations, students. You've made it to the second week, and your reward is that you actually get to try to do something instead of sitting there, watching a slide show. Farnsworth was at the head of the class and on his desk were four large boxes, each marked with the name of a student in the class.

"The world," Farnsworth announced, "is ending. Again. It's probably all your fault, too, so way to go, cracker jack! You're also, Zombie Jesus help us, our only hope to be saved, but your options are limited. In each of these boxes, you'll find the few materials that, facing world crisis, you've been able to scrap together, and now you must invent something out of them to rescue the world from its impending doom."

"Collect your box and then pick which world ending scenario you're going to try to get out butts out of alive. You have until ten minutes to the end of the hour. When it gets to be that time, someone please wake me up, as I'll be napping, and we'll see what brilliant ideas you came up with."

And that was that. Almost as soon as he finished that last statement, Farnsworth's head was tilting back and he snored. Throughout the class, he was wont to suddenly wake up with an exclamation, usually a "Wha? Who?", look around to make sure everyone was working, and then drift back off.

He got all his best sleep in class, really.

[[ OCD is ~~on the way!~~ ready to save the world from Kevin Costner ]]

[[ Class Roster and Syllabus ]] [[ Previous Classes ]]

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Like the world is ending!!!

Farnsworth has delivered the instructions and then went off to pleasant dream land. A dreamland untainted with thoughts of loved ones, beacuse he didn't really have any of those. Either way, get your box and explore the contents. Here's what you'll find:

Peter Bishop: a Swingline stapler half filled, seven rubber bands, a dried out green Sharpie, a rubber duckie, a toaster, a clump of fur from God only knows what, and three plastic sporks

Hiccup Horrendous Stupidname III: car battery jumper cables, a classic Game Boy, three thumbtacks, a ballpeen hammer, a sparkly princess fairy wand with a star and pink ribbons, and a Latex swim cap

Denise Mahoney: a rusted pair of toenail clippers, a wax apple, three potatoes, an empty fish bowl, a sock monkey, a Phillip's head screw driver, and two empty halves of coconuts

Edmund Britishpants: a Hello Kitty "personal massager," a tube of Fire Engine Red Lipstick, a pair of shoes with clear plastic five inch heels, a snakeskin miniskirt, fishnet tights, and a banana

Each box will also contain a roll of duct tape, any batteries for electrical devices, and a last prayer.

Edited 2010-07-15 09:47 (UTC)

Choose any of the following scenarios as the one that your invention is supposed to save us from.

At some point, Farnsworth does wake up and expect you to explain to him how you plan on doing this, so assume you've worked on it and now you have to reveal the plot.

Edited 2010-07-15 09:50 (UTC)

The robots are revolting! Their A.I. has surpassed our control and now they are hell-bent on killing all humans.

What can you do to stop them?

So, Al Gore was right all along and the polar ice caps are melting and starting to drown all the world, promising to do so until (spoiler alert) only the tops of mountains are what's left like some crappy Kevin Costner film.

What can you do to stop it?

Aliens (or communists) have come and taken over the bodies of middle America and turned them into drones that will eventually try to kill all of humanity.

How can you kick those aliens (or communists) back to Mars (or Russia, which may as well be Mars)?

Surprise! Earth's core is not actually molten lava, but extremely volitile nuclear waste! And it's about to explode, unless you can do something to stop it???

You heard him. Giant chickens hatching out of eags and eating everything in sight.

Too bad no one has a giant frying pan in their box.

He's in and out of sleep all class should you have any questions. Whether or not his answers are actually useful will have to wait to be determined.

Items were completely and entirely random.

And, for the record, I f'ing love Waterworld, I'll admit it!

Edmund Pevensie

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

Edmund, whose pants were Narnian and not British thank you very much, wasted a good five minutes staring at the contents of his box in what was a close approximation of abject horror. Or just plain embarrassment.

Once that was over and done with, he grabbed the box and headed for a place where he could work out how to deal with the giant chickens.

Edited 2010-07-15 10:36 (UTC)

Edmund took a deep breath and proceeded to describe just how he would go about solving this problem.

***

Edmund approached one newly hatched chicken and held the lipstick out for it to track. "Look. Nice and red. I bet it would taste good." He waited for the right moment, for the chicken to be entranced, and then tossed the lipstick up into the air. As predicted, the chicken looked up to keep watching the lipstick. Edmund took the opportunity to fling himself on the chicken's back and use the fishnet tights as reigns, which he swung around to lodge in the chicken's mouth while it was trying to swallow the lipstick.

He held the reigns in one hand and awkwardly tried to put the miniskirt over the chicken's head to blind it and calm it down. Then he was able to ride it like he would a horse, only with more prodding to get it to do what he wanted.

Then he used the very, very distracting 'personal massager' to lead the chickens one by one to where he wanted them to go, somewhere conveniently out of the way where they couldn't get out of. Problem solved and he didn't even need the heels.

***

Explanation of his far too convenient scenario done, Edmund looked at the Professor expectantly. "That's how I would do it. The banana could be used for energy for the chicken herding."

Hiccup spent awhile gazing at his box of crap, having no idea what most of it was, but fascinated, particularly by the Game Boy.

He had to force himself to actually pay attention and start thinking of ways to save the world with a random collection of items, the traditional uses of which were a total mystery to him.

Hiccup had no idea what communists were, but thanks to the Doctor he knew what aliens were, so he was ignoring the communist option. "Okay, so, the first thing is to convince them that taking over the world and killing all of humanity is all well and good as far as plans go, but who's going to be in charge? And who's going to clean the toilets? Kill all humans and they'll end up having to do it themselves, and they're not going to want that."

He was getting into his plan, pacing as he explained, hands waving in the air.

"So I'll reveal to them the ancient ritual by which the Ruler Of All Humanity is chosen." He held aloft the Game Boy. "By besting allcomers at the Sacred Game, the winner to be crowned Ruler Of All Humanity Forever And Ever No Matter What and to receive the Ancient and Holy Objects of Rulership." He held up the latex swim cap and brandished the pink fairywand, the ribbons swooshing through the air in an impressive manner. "Which, of course, all humans will obey without question."

"Since no one ever wants to clean toilets and everyone wants to be in charge, they'll all line up to have their turn at besting the Sacred Game. The losers will be so dejected that they won't be paying attention, so won't notice the thumbtacks I've scattered in front of them. The alien steps on them, starts hopping around in pain, and I truss him up with these," up went the jumper cables, "and once he's subdued, I whack him with the hammer, knocking him unconscious, then truss him up with the duct tape, drag him off, maybe dump in a conveniently located pit," because there was always a conveniently located pit, "and then do it again."

"The other aliens aren't going to notice, because they'll all be focussed on whoever's playing the Sacred Game, trying to figure out how they're going to win. Eventually there's only going to be one alien left, the ultimate winner, and he'll be so addicted to the Sacred Game by then I can bribe him to leave, and take all his unconscious buddies with him, with these."

And he held up the spare batteries and grinned. As far as plans went, he knew it was dodgy as hell, but he'd loved coming up with it.

Peter Bishop

Peter eyed his collection of items.

"It's like what you'd find in the scary interns desk after you fired him," he mused, mostly to himself. He'd figure out something that could deal with a robot uprising.

Just give him a minute.

Peter assembled the world's worst little robot from his items. He had placed the toaster as the chest, the bread slots pointing forward. The head was the rubber ducky, impaled on the sharpie so it could be a neck. The sporks formed a trio of legs, and the fur was added as a head of hair on the ducky.

"It's a lure," Peter declared. "We place it on the moon as a poor, lost crying baby robot. And the robots all go to save it and we nuke them all."

It was ridiculous and overviolent. But he wasn't taking this seriously. At all.

Denise Mahoney

Denise looked down at her shit - a rusted pair of toenail clippers, a wax apple, three potatoes, an empty fish bowl, a sock monkey, a Phillip's head screw driver, and two empty halves of coconuts - and pulled a face. "I'd probably plug something into this fish bowl," she held it up, "And put it on my head so I don't drown. Yeah."

After another beat. "Use the toenail clippers to kill fish, animals, and any surviving human beings for their flesh, use the bowls to boil the water aaand find Kevin Costner and jam the screw driver in his neck."

She mimed this. Helpfully. And then she stopped talking. For a little while. Then: "What? They fucked up the planet, they deserve to drown, or at least die horribly of tetanus caused by toenail clipper wounds."

"Not bad, not bad," Farnsworth begrudgingly admitted. "Assuming you could actually manage to pull it off. Not to mention, you didn't exactly invent anything."

"That's the worst idea I've ever heard!" said Farnsworth, sounding particularly displeased about the whole thing, but only because it sounded like Hiccup actually put some energy into the whole thing.

...

It involved Kevin Costner, violence, and mass drowning.

Farnsworth could barely believe it himself, but he actually approved of this answer.

"Good," he said, nodding slightly. "Barring the fact that I doubt those clippers would kill anything except by tetanus, good. Not entirely moronic," insert a pointed glance (or what could be assumed to be one) toward the other students, "anyway."

Farnsworth could actually find no fault at all with this plan, which was an odd experience. Not only that, but this young upstart had actually used his items to invent something, not just throw together a ridiculously elaborate plan.

"Excellent!" Farnsworth said, his hands going up in approval this time. "We'll name it Fred."

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Inventing for Dummies; Sixth Period, Thursday [ 07/15 ].

Sign In -- Inventing, 07/15.

Listen and then Get Your Crap -- Inventing, 07/15.

Doomsday Scenarios -- Inventing, 07/15.

Scenario One: Robot Uprising! -- Inventing, 07/15.

Scenario Two: "Climate Change" -- Inventing, 07/15.

Scenario Three: Invasion of the Body Snatchers -- Inventing, 07/15.

Scenario Four: Exploding Earth -- Inventing, 07/15.

Scenario Five: Giant Chickens -- Inventing, 07/15.

Talk to Farnsworth -- Inventing, 07/15.

OOC -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Sign In -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Sign In -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Listen and then Get Your Crap -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Scenario Five: Giant Chickens -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Listen and then Get Your Crap -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Scenario Three: Invasion of the Body Snatchers -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Sign In -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Listen and then Get Your Crap -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Scenario One: Robot Uprising! -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Sign In -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Scenario Two: "Climate Change" -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Scenario Five: Giant Chickens -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Scenario Three: Invasion of the Body Snatchers -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Scenario Two: "Climate Change" -- Inventing, 07/15.

Re: Scenario One: Robot Uprising! -- Inventing, 07/15.